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Rayvin

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Basically think this will be interesting but also accept that people are generally a bit guarded about this stuff and that no one may want to contribute. While I've opened the thread with a particular conversation in mind, in order to actually contribute something to the discussion myself I'll say that I'm reading a book on pathological altruism. I bought it out of concern generated by some recent conversations with my mother, who (as a religious nut) has decided that even though she's unhappy in her marriage (natural break down, nothing nefarious in play really - her partner is a good guy who I get along with but some things just aren't meant to be). Anyway, she concluded that as she couldn't 'leave' without harming her relationship with both god and her family, and felt that her own needs were inferior in importance to these developments.

 

Pathological altriusm isn't perhaps the an all encompassing term for this, but I thought it was close enough to warrant reading up on. Basically, it states that people who suffer from this way of thinking consistently put other people ahead of themselves, often to the detriment of themselves and usually to the detriment of the people they're supposedly putting ahead of them. Curiously, the book considers that this pattern of thinking could actually be the cause of genocidal tendencies as well, but I've not read that far in yet so I can't justify it :lol:

 

As for my own psychological hang ups, I have a great many but I've also worked through a fair proportion. I have a rather intense fear/social phobia which centers around the expectation people may or may not have of me in social situations. Some of these things are pretty standard like fear of public speaking, but mine is perhaps a bit more debilitating than usual because it extends to doing things or avoiding doing things that are on occasion contrary to common sense in order to avoid subverting public expectation of me. So for instance, whenever I enter a publicly accessible building like a restaurant or something, if I'm in a group, I'll go second so as not to draw attention. Things like that. I hate driving for the same reason.

 

Fortunately I also have a strong urge to overcome, so these kind of things haven't held me back career wise - but when the stakes are lower, I have a tendency to shy away in order to avoid making myself uncomfortable. I need to develop more of a 'fuck everyone, I don't care what you think' attitude, really, which is why I'm on here trying to learn from you guys :D Anyone else experience anything similar?

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13 minutes ago, Rayvin said:

her partner is a good guy who I get along with

This thread will be a whole lot more interesting if you're describing your father here.

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3 minutes ago, adios said:

This thread will be a whole lot more interesting if you're describing your father here.

 

:lol:

 

No, it's her second marriage. First one collapsed a long time ago. And is probably responsible for many psychological issues I have :D

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4 minutes ago, adios said:

I hope you've guilted her out of it for displeasing God over that first marriage. 

 

Incredibly she found a way of annulling it. 15 years after the fact mind you, but still. The Catholic church is remarkably pliable for things like this apparently.

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I have a thing with eye contact which results in me staring at a lot of breasts. I then realise where I'm staring revert to eye contact and back to breasts in a sorry loop. Obviously has its perks but quite embarrassing.

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57 minutes ago, Christmas Tree said:

I have a thing with eye contact which results in me staring at a lot of breasts. I then realise where I'm staring revert to eye contact and back to breasts in a sorry loop. Obviously has its perks but quite embarrassing.

 

Given up the diet?

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1 hour ago, Christmas Tree said:

I have a thing with eye contact which results in me staring at a lot of breasts. I then realise where I'm staring revert to eye contact and back to breasts in a sorry loop. Obviously has its perks but quite embarrassing.

 

I thought this was a joke at first but I'm assuming you're serious on re-reading. What about eye contact makes you uncomfortable?

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41 minutes ago, Rayvin said:

 

I thought this was a joke at first but I'm assuming you're serious on re-reading. What about eye contact makes you uncomfortable?

Probably the lack of breasts.

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7 hours ago, Rayvin said:

 

I thought this was a joke at first but I'm assuming you're serious on re-reading. What about eye contact makes you uncomfortable?

 

:lol: fuck knows.

 

Wasnt always this way, guess it's one of these things that started somehow and now when I make eye contact I know my eyes are desperate to head south so the more I try to maintain eye contact my eyes sort of hurt until they get their wish!

 

Its not a sexual thing, it just so happens that's where they end up.

 

Im also very fascinated by phobias and how easily a lot of them can be broken extremely quickly.

 

A very interesting topic though, well done :)

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There's a Family Guy where Peter is sent on a sexism awareness course after telling the following joke at work:

 

Why do women have breasts? 

 

So men have something interesting to look at while they're talking. 

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Everybody has hang ups.

Most people use a psyche up to appear like they don't have hang ups, but they're fairly easy to break down if the right buttons are pressed, so to speak.

Most people walk about with a massive shield up. 

 

As for speeches, very few people are confident speech givers and most of it's due to not having to do it regularly... maybe only ever, once.

The more someone does a speech, the more confident they become, with a good proportion of people not in fear of it.

It's all about the fear of all eyes on you and you making a mistake whilst in that limelight.

 

Most people could make a speech over the phone without too much discomfort, with most even enjoying it.

Most people would be able to reel off a speech if the audience they are stood in front of, are almost darkened out or have the feeling that they, themselves are darkened out to the audiences view of them.

You see, it's all in the eyes and not being able to have the feeling of eyes on you, you almost have a comfort blanket.

 

If an audience turned their backs on you while you made a speech, you'd reel it off quite easily.

Most people's psychological issues generally stem from childhood, as in, school and also the well being of the home they're brought up in.

 

Most bullies who appear to be super confident are anything but. But as long as they have an audience that appears to be in favour of their actions (basically scared hangers on) they will be comfortable with verbal abuse of anyone they deem weaker... but will fall apart if stood alone in front of a crowd.

 

My sister is a psychologist and evaluates prisoners among many other walks of life.

It's very interesting listening to her and her stories of how people's minds work and how their strengths and weaknesses can be exposed by using the right words and body language.

 

 

 

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I've a pretty unhealthy fear of failure, which leads me to not trying very hard at things, or giving up if I don't receive an almost impossible amount of praise/encouragement. Being aware of it doesn't seem to help, and ways to manage it better escape me, despite my having coping strategies for my depression.

 

I have a need for attention which means I often put myself out there, needing to have an opinion on pretty much everything, over sharing, or telling anecdotes where I'm the butt of the joke or I become it. Not particularly healthy given the other two things above. 

 

Wolfy's sister really owes it to the rest of us to work through Wolfy's obvious issues, by the way.

Edited by The Fish

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I share CT's eye contact thing. It stems from loss of confidence in childhood from having severe eczema I think. I've never gotten over it.

 

Having said that, yonks ago I had a one on one job interview with a manageress. She had the most amazing tits. It wasn't until near the end of the interview that I realised not only had I been staring at them the whole time, but I was also dribbling a bit. 

 

Didn't get the job. 

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29 minutes ago, The Fish said:

I've a pretty unhealthy fear of failure, which leads me to not trying very hard at things, or giving up if I don't receive an almost impossible amount of praise/encouragement. Being aware of it doesn't seem to help, and ways to manage it better escape me, despite my having coping strategies for my depression.

 

I have a need for attention which means I often put myself out there, needing to have an opinion on pretty much everything, over sharing, or telling anecdotes where I'm the butt of the joke or I become it. Not particularly healthy given the other two things above. 

 

Wolfy's sister really owes it to the rest of us to work through Wolfy's obvious issues, by the way.

 

Does the failure one come from a specific incident where failing had particularly bad consequences, or were you raised in a high pressure environment?

 

I share aspects of the attention craving stuff too I think but it conflicts with my fear of being shown up - between the two concerns, I might actually come across as balanced (although in reality, both things are stressful for me).

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24 minutes ago, Renton said:

I share CT's eye contact thing. It stems from loss of confidence in childhood from having severe eczema I think. I've never gotten over it.

 

Having said that, yonks ago I had a one on one job interview with a manageress. She had the most amazing tits. It wasn't until near the end of the interview that I realised not only had I been staring at them the whole time, but I was also dribbling a bit. 

 

Didn't get the job. 

 

While this is kind of amusing when told like this, it must also get quite annoying  for you?

 

Are you shy generally as well or is it just this one thing? Same for CT I guess.

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 Some people's major problems seems to be trying to get in their shots first before they receive any potential shots that they might think, or believe will come their way.

It's basically a massive insecurity and vulnerability.

The trouble is, when someone does this they almost alway open themselves up to the exact thing they planned for, happening.

It's sort of counterproductive and hands the impetus to the other party before a shield can be put up.

 

 

 

 

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3 minutes ago, wolfy said:

 Some people's major problems seems to be trying to get in their shots first before they receive any potential shots that they might think, or believe will come their way.

It's basically a massive insecurity and vulnerability.

The trouble is, when someone does this they almost alway open themselves up to the exact thing they planned for, happening.

It's sort of counterproductive and hands the impetus to the other party before a shield can be put up.

 

 

 

 

 

Run that past me again, not sure I get it? What do you mean by shots?

 

Agree with your earlier post on public speaking by the way. If I believe that no one can see me, I feel more confident. I much prefer driving at night for this reason.

Edited by Rayvin

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30 minutes ago, Rayvin said:

 

While this is kind of amusing when told like this, it must also get quite annoying  for you?

 

Are you shy generally as well or is it just this one thing? Same for CT I guess.

 

I think I'm an extrovert trapped inside an introvert.

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