Psychology

[Park Life 70]

This whole life coach thing is cobblers basically.

[Renton 17634]

1 hour ago, adios said:

Which of your hundred tapes is that parroted directly off? 

 

I'm not going to veer this thread into a conversation about the wonder of Tony Robbins though.

 

ETA:  There are obviously plenty of shite analrapists, but there are also resources for finding good ones and they probably outrank good life coaches by an order of magnitude.

 

[Dr Gloom 19748]

When autocorrect goes wrong?

[Alex 30260]

27 minutes ago, Park Life said:

This whole life coach thing is cobblers basically.

There's little doubt it's peddling bullshit but plenty people are prepared to buy it

[Meenzer 13991]

1 hour ago, Christmas Tree said:

 

But you have veered off twice now to make silly comments.

 

I'm not going to derail it either, other than to say Meenzer has just mentioned Albert Ellis, another chap who praised Tony Robbins work.

 

I heard he particularly liked his work in the field of cunning plans.

 

[adios 717]

1 hour ago, Renton said:

 

 

 

 

[Rayvin 4949]

14 hours ago, Renton said:

Are you paying to see a psychologist? Or is this NHS or work?

 

I've seen a clinical psychologist before, gave me some insight into my feelings but tbh I already knew I was suffering an acute stress reaction to an incredibly shit situation. Makes me sick even to think about it now, like a minor form of ptsd or something. I was recommended CBT but I just don't have time to do anything but survive at the moment. 

 

Paying to see one. I've gone down the NHS route before but I think they're more about combatting depression and such. Pragmatic but not what I need right now.

 

Sounds like you're in the wars a bit as well mind. I've been mulling over when I would do something about this for some time - it's not cheap, and I have generally believed that I already knew what I needed to know about why I am the way I am - but my partner convinced me that each day I don't address it, is another day of potentially being more fulfilled that I've lost from my life. The logic held, and so here I am.

 

The thing that is starting to confuse me though is that I'm now two sessions in, and no longer believe what I thought my issue was, is actually deep enough into my psyche to actually be the root cause. Whatever it turns out to be, I'll be aware of it already, I'm sure - I just won't have considered that this was the issue. Or it'll be some weird combination of things. It's pretty unsettling anyway.

[Rayvin 4949]

13 hours ago, Christmas Tree said:

 

My two penneth is that practical results will come quicker from a coach, particularly if you already have a fair idea of the "traits" that are causing you issues.

 

Whilst it's a big problem for you, it's one of life's common issues that coaches deal with day in, day out.

 

A bit like having a fear of spiders, it's less important delving into how you got it but far more important someone tells you what you need to do to get rid of it.

 

A local good coach would be ideal. Failing that you could start by getting a Tony Robbins book / audio. They'll laugh on here, but he's basically the one everyone else copies and his exercises are pretty straight forward and easy to put into practice immediately. ( It's NOT positive thinking btw)

 

Good luck with it.

 

Thanks, and I'll definitely give it thought. I'm not content being an inferior version of the person I believe I could be, and am determined to address this.

 

Thanks for all responses from everyone, in fact.

[ewerk 26192]

So your partner is encouraging you to seek the treatment that could quite possibly end up seeing you leaving her?

 

Ouch.

[The Fish 8953]

Urgh, we get it you have a Partner

 

 

I saw a counsellor at Uni and I have regular chats with my GP. I was lucky that the counsellor offered advice about triggers, about mechanisms to deal with my depression, and so on. She avoided steepling her fingers and asking me to talk about my childhood.

 

Forgive me if I've misread it, but this sounds like you're rooting around for a central problem? And once you find and address it, there won't be anything between you and the you you want to be?

 

Obviously if you don't forgive me, we'll have to fight and we know how you feel about confrontation, ergo I win...

[Rayvin 4949]

12 minutes ago, ewerk said:

So your partner is encouraging you to seek the treatment that could quite possibly end up seeing you leaving her?

 

Ouch.

 

At the end of the day she wants me to be happy. There's no lack of caring for each other, it's not like we have conventional relationship problems, the issue is very much me and the fact that I'm just not happy. It's not her fault, there's nothing I'd change about her, or our lives, it's 100% me.

 

I may come out of this and realise that I've been thrashing around at the wrong things, it may have nothing to do with our relationship. I really don't know. It's incredibly confusing.

 

EDIT - it's not centred on the relationship anyway, that's come under fire because of the general attitude of wanting to tear my life up and start over.

Edited September 27, 2017 by Rayvin

[Rayvin 4949]

10 minutes ago, The Fish said:

Urgh, we get it you have a Partner

 

 

I saw a counsellor at Uni and I have regular chats with my GP. I was lucky that the counsellor offered advice about triggers, about mechanisms to deal with my depression, and so on. She avoided steepling her fingers and asking me to talk about my childhood.

 

Forgive me if I've misread it, but this sounds like you're rooting around for a central problem? And once you find and address it, there won't be anything between you and the you you want to be?

 

Obviously if you don't forgive me, we'll have to fight and we know how you feel about confrontation, ergo I win...

 

 

I don't know if it's a central problem or many smaller peripheral things, I'm just determined to stop holding myself back. I know who I can be, I'm just incapable of being it at the present time.

 

Does anyone else ever feel like this?

[The Fish 8953]

41 minutes ago, Rayvin said:

 

 

I don't know if it's a central problem or many smaller peripheral things, I'm just determined to stop holding myself back. I know who I can be, I'm just incapable of being it at the present time.

 

Does anyone else ever feel like this?

 

Absolutely I do. The big obstacle between who I am and who I could be is "yeah but when you fail your life is over, so don't try and you'll be fine mate."

[Rayvin 4949]

18 minutes ago, The Fish said:

 

Absolutely I do. The big obstacle between who I am and who I could be is "yeah but when you fail your life is over, so don't try and you'll be fine mate."

 

You not been tempted to explore it with a professional?

[The Fish 8953]

22 minutes ago, Rayvin said:

 

You not been tempted to explore it with a professional?

 

Tempted, sure, but what if I try to resolve it and I fail and my life is over?

 

 

[Rayvin 4949]

 Can't argue with that logic given what you've said.

[Christmas Tree 3997]

2 hours ago, Rayvin said:

 

 

I don't know if it's a central problem or many smaller peripheral things, I'm just determined to stop holding myself back. I know who I can be, I'm just incapable of being it at the present time.

 

Does anyone else ever feel like this?

 

I think most people feel like this at different times over different things.   

 

Upto you to say as much or as little about it to randoms on the net, but it would be interesting to know what you think this "cured" version of yourself would achieve and why that would make you happier. Would the grass be that greener?

 

Would you want a better job, more money, better social skills etc?

 

If you were diagnosed with cancer tomorrow would these things that you think would make your life so much happier seem as relevant or would it focus your mind on how much you have and how well your doing in a lot of areas already?

 

Perspective imo is very underrated by a lot of people today, too busy chasing a lifestyle that really adds little to being happy.

 

For example (and forgetting spiders), you have the overweight woman who is constantly dieting, imaging this better version of herself whilst being thoroughly miserable compared to another woman who has come to terms with her figure and lives life to the full and is the life and soul of the party.

 

My standard advice is ditch the job and drive a taxi

 

[The Fish 8953]

It'd be great if I was hampered by a crippling agoraphobia, or something like that. I think that can be bested by trying things. But when you're afraid of failing, the very act of trying is part of what you're afraid of. How do you defeat that?

[Park Life 70]

2 hours ago, Rayvin said:

 

Thanks, and I'll definitely give it thought. I'm not content being an inferior version of the person I believe I could be, and am determined to address this.

 

Thanks for all responses from everyone, in fact.

Forget about the shadow. It isn't you it's an idealised you cobbled together by your super ego. The suit is too tight.

[Rayvin 4949]

10 minutes ago, Park Life said:

Forget about the shadow. It isn't you it's an idealised you cobbled together by your super ego. The suit is too tight.

 

Interesting... can you expand on that? Why would I have cobbled together an idealised me?

[Park Life 70]

1 minute ago, Rayvin said:

 

Interesting... can you expand on that? Why would I have cobbled together an idealised me?

Because when you were younger you felt inadequate. So the super ego goes to work cause it don't like the pain and creates this other you (the shadow) and it pesters you to be more like it. It tells you that you are a no good cock-a-roach and a deadbeat so you try out some of its high risk (to your core self) antics...Some end well but some end badly. When advertisers sell you stuff they are essentially talking to your shadow (this idealized self) not you. The shadow does have a purpose mind it criticizes you especially when you stay in life cycles and relationships/friends that you're comfortable with rather than ones that will expand your horizons or test you.  The serial killer is where this super ego has taken over unchecked and totally subsumed the identity.

 

Be more serial killer but in short doses.

[Rayvin 4949]

13 minutes ago, Christmas Tree said:

 

I think most people feel like this at different times over different things.   

 

Upto you to say as much or as little about it to randoms on the net, but it would be interesting to know what you think this "cured" version of yourself would achieve and why that would make you happier. Would the grass be that greener?

 

Would you want a better job, more money, better social skills etc?

 

If you were diagnosed with cancer tomorrow would these things that you think would make your life so much happier seem as relevant or would it focus your mind on how much you have and how well your doing in a lot of areas already?

 

Perspective imo is very underrated by a lot of people today, too busy chasing a lifestyle that really adds little to being happy.

 

For example (and forgetting spiders), you have the overweight woman who is constantly dieting, imaging this better version of herself whilst being thoroughly miserable compared to another woman who has come to terms with her figure and lives life to the full and is the life and soul of the party.

 

My standard advice is ditch the job and drive a taxi

 

 

I know what you're driving at here - in fact I think you and Parky are saying similar things. I'm not going to divulge huge amounts of all of this as I've already whinged on quite a bit, but for instance, I have a BA and an MBA, and spent a year living in one of the biggest cities in the world. I should be confident enough, and sure enough of myself in terms of adaptability and prowess, to be able to get a job outside of Newcastle in a fairly big city. I never imagined after all of that, that I would still be here. I love the city, but I need to test myself outside of it. It's too comfortable.

 

I have started side businesses in the past, but lose interest even when they become reasonably successful, because to commit to them would mean taking the risk of leaving work.

 

I'm too fucking afraid of the consequences of everything going wrong - or, I guess, of finding out that the grass is in fact not greener. Not entirely unlike Fish for the former. I use video games and the internet to escape from an ever present sense that I could be more productive, that I could be spending the time more wisely, that I could be achieving something. Then I just think, well, I'll do it tomorrow. Or soon. And I never do.

 

So I need to be a better person. I'm not sure I could handle waking up one morning and just accepting that who I am now, is ok. It's not ok.

[Rayvin 4949]

Just now, Park Life said:

Because when you were younger you felt inadequate. So the super ego goes to work cause it don't like the pain and creates this other you (the shadow) and it pesters you to be more like it. It tells you that you are a no good cock-a-roach and a deadbeat so you try out some of its high risk (to your core self) antics...Some end well but some end badly. When advertisers sell you stuff they are essentially talking to your shadow (this idealized self) not you. The shadow does have a purpose mind it criticizes you especially when you stay in life cycles and relationships/friends that you're comfortable with rather than ones that will expand your horizons or test you.  The serial killer is where this super ego has taken over unchecked and totally subsumed the identity.

 

Be more serial killer but in short doses.

 

This makes a lot of sense although I'm wary of losing the 'shadow' as honestly, it seems absolutely fundamental to my identity. Did you have a similar issue (apologies for prying)?

[Park Life 70]

1 minute ago, Rayvin said:

 

This makes a lot of sense although I'm wary of losing the 'shadow' as honestly, it seems absolutely fundamental to my identity. Did you have a similar issue (apologies for prying)?

The shadow is the key. Find strategies to work with it and surprising things can happen. It works in space time (it doesn't really adhere to reality as such - it wants to overthrow all schema placed in its path) and resides in the unconscious...Trivial don't interest it. It is fundamental to me as it is most people who have recognized its footprint. In situations where I am unsure or have anxiety it kind of takes over - like hitching yourself to a turbo it says and does what's needed in that  moment...It can be magnificent but it can also cause problems. The important thing is to know it is part of you. It's very creative used correctly.

 

But never let it take over....Ever...

[Park Life 70]