Walliver 0 Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 Heard about the leper when he was told a funny joke? Apparently he laughed his head off. Did you hear about the lepers who played cards? One threw his hand in and the others laughed their heads off. tbh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bombadil 0 Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 What is 18 inches long and makes a woman scream all night long? Cot death. Fucking hell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newcastlebroon 0 Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 Heard about the leper when he was told a funny joke? Apparently he laughed his head off. Did you hear about the lepers who played cards? One threw his hand in and the others laughed their heads off. tbh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fordy 1 Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 A father and son are driving along a country road and they hear a bump, the son asks 'what was that dad?', i'm sorry son the dad replies i hit a squirrel, they drive along a bit further and the car goes bump again, the son asks what was that dad? sorry son the dad replies i hit another squirrel, they drive into town and the car goes bump bump, and the son asks what was that dad?, he replies sorry son i hit a pakie but why were there 2 bumps? i had to mount the curb first Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Kenneth Noisewater 0 Posted May 30, 2007 Share Posted May 30, 2007 I see the McCann's have been to see the Pope about their daughter today. I think they are barking up the wrong tree, but it just goes to show, everyone is a suspect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Radgina 1 Posted May 30, 2007 Share Posted May 30, 2007 I see the McCann's have been to see the Pope about their daughter today. I think they are barking up the wrong tree, but it just goes to show, everyone is a suspect. oh.dear.me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 16502 Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 A Polish guy drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Poland our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same glass twice" A Pakistani, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his AK-47 and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Pakistan we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either." A British girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer and drinks it, throws her glass into the air, pulls out her gun and shoots the Pole and the Pakistani and catches her glass. She says, "In Britain we now have that many Pakistanis and Poles that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jusoda Kid 1 Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 A Polish guy drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Poland our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same glass twice" A Pakistani, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his AK-47 and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Pakistan we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either." A British girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer and drinks it, throws her glass into the air, pulls out her gun and shoots the Pole and the Pakistani and catches her glass. She says, "In Britain we now have that many Pakistanis and Poles that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice. Quoted for truth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Toplass-101 Posted June 10, 2007 Share Posted June 10, 2007 A fella’s tellin the barman how he wants to get rid of his wife, so the barman says have a word with Artie over there he might be able to help you. The guy goes over and talks to Artie, tells him the story and Artie says yea I’ll sort it out and it’ll only cost you a quid, guy thinks it great & tells Artie that she’ll be in Tesco at 3pm tomorrow and he’ll point her out to him. So they get to Tesco and Artie strangles the wife in the aisle, but the shopping assistant notices, goes to call the police but Artie catches her and strangles her too. Headlines in the paper the next day “Artie chokes two for a pound in Tesco” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lazarus 0 Posted June 10, 2007 Share Posted June 10, 2007 A fella’s tellin the barman how he wants to get rid of his wife, so the barman says have a word with Artie over there he might be able to help you. The guy goes over and talks to Artie, tells him the story and Artie says yea I’ll sort it out and it’ll only cost you a quid, guy thinks it great & tells Artie that she’ll be in Tesco at 3pm tomorrow and he’ll point her out to him. So they get to Tesco and Artie strangles the wife in the aisle, but the shopping assistant notices, goes to call the police but Artie catches her and strangles her too. Headlines in the paper the next day “Artie chokes two for a pound in Tesco” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WubbleUC 0 Posted June 15, 2007 Share Posted June 15, 2007 (edited) A boy asks his father "Dad, what's the difference between a pussy and a twat?" His father replies "Follow me" and takes him into his bedroom to his wife asleep in bed. The father pulls up the covers and points between his wife's legs and says "That's a pussy". The boy replies "Can I touch it?" The father says "God no!, you'll wake the twat". Replace 'twat' with the c word. Fucking filter! Edited June 15, 2007 by WubbleUC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jusoda Kid 1 Posted June 15, 2007 Share Posted June 15, 2007 Trading standards have finally admitted why golliwogs were banned from the marmalade labels.......it's because niggers were peeling them off and using them as bus passes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jusoda Kid 1 Posted June 15, 2007 Share Posted June 15, 2007 barrymore has been asked to do panto this xmas but he told them no as he done alladin 6 years ago & hasn't heard the last of it.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 26192 Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 Saw these on NO so thought I'd share. What's the difference between Pope John Paul II and Madeleine McCann? The Pope died a virgin. There once was a young girl called MaddieShe had such an irresponsible daddy Snatched from her bed She's probably dead Raped by a Portuguese baddy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyluke 1 Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 Saw these on NO so thought I'd share. What's the difference between Pope John Paul II and Madeleine McCann? The Pope died a virgin. There once was a young girl called MaddieShe had such an irresponsible daddy Snatched from her bed She's probably dead Raped by a Portuguese baddy. I've yet to get a laugh from anyone with that cot death joke of yours (and I have some pretty twisted friends). There's no fucking way I'm telling anyone those. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marvellous Marvin Magler 0 Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 Saw these on NO so thought I'd share. What's the difference between Pope John Paul II and Madeleine McCann? The Pope died a virgin. There once was a young girl called MaddieShe had such an irresponsible daddy Snatched from her bed She's probably dead Raped by a Portuguese baddy. I suppose this is the 'Bad Taste Joke' thread, after all! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jusoda Kid 1 Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 Not bad taste but: A businessman is getting on a flight when he hears from the other passengers that the Pope is going to be on the flight. "WOW, great!" he thinks. "What a good place to be today." He boards, but doesn't see the Pope, so he figures that maybe the other passengers were wrong. He takes his seat and is thankful that there's an empty seat next to him. Just before the doors close, the Pope enters the plane and sits next to him. "I am surely blessed," the man thinks. "Here I am, a good Catholic on a flight with the holy father sitting next to me." The plane takes off and after a few minutes the passengers remove their seat belts. The man looks sideways and sees the Pope reaching into his bag to take out a crossword book. "Marvelous," he thinks, "not only am I blessed with the Pope sitting next to me, but he does crosswords and so do I. Maybe he will ask for help." He notices that the Pope is working his way through the puzzle, and that the Pope is tapping his pencil, thinking. Later, the Pope turns to him and says, "I usually don't talk to others on flights, but I wonder if you can help me?" "Anything, your eminence. What is it?" "Do you know a four letter word for 'woman' that ends in u-n-t?" The man feels uncomfortable. He thinks and thinks. Finally, he says, "The only word I can think of is 'Aunt'." The Pope turns to him and asks, "Do you have an eraser?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 26192 Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 I've yet to get a laugh from anyone with that cot death joke of yours (and I have some pretty twisted friends). Me neither, and I thought that one was pretty tame. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Manson 0 Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 I've yet to get a laugh from anyone with that cot death joke of yours (and I have some pretty twisted friends). Me neither, and I thought that one was pretty tame. I got a half-laughing "that's so wrong!" if that counts... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nufc4ever 0 Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 (edited) Those were from www.sickipedia.org. You have been warned! Edited June 19, 2007 by nufc4ever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyluke 1 Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 I've yet to get a laugh from anyone with that cot death joke of yours (and I have some pretty twisted friends). Me neither, and I thought that one was pretty tame. Maybe I would have got a better reaction had I told it to the midwives on delivery suite... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Kenneth Noisewater 0 Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 What do you call an Asian with a job? Asif. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magma 0 Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 Scientists have crossed a chicken with an onion, and finally got a cock that brings tears to a woman's eyes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bombadil 0 Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 I've yet to get a laugh from anyone with that cot death joke of yours (and I have some pretty twisted friends). Me neither, and I thought that one was pretty tame. You got a laugh from me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 26192 Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 (edited) I've yet to get a laugh from anyone with that cot death joke of yours (and I have some pretty twisted friends). Me neither, and I thought that one was pretty tame. You got a laugh from me! Well if I can make even just one person laugh... it'll have been a shit joke. Edited June 19, 2007 by ewerk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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