hggcraig 0 Posted April 27, 2006 Share Posted April 27, 2006 heres some jokes i liked, sorry if they offend anyone What does a black woman and an ice hockey player have in common? They both change their pads after 3 periods! What happened to the black woman who had an abortion? Crime Stoppers sent her a check for 500 quid! Whats the three things you cant give a black person? A black eye, a fat lip or a job. How do you get a black man out of a tree? Cut the rope! What happened when a black man looked up his family tree? A gorilla shit on his face! What's long, dark and stinks? The benefits queue! What's the difference between a black man and Batman? Batman can go out at night without Robbin How do you keep a black person from drowning? Take your boot off his head. I had a black man in my family tree . . . . . . he's still hanging there! How long does it take a black woman to take a shit? 9 months What does a black man and sperm have in common? Only about 1 out of two million actually work What happens when a Jew with an errection walks into a wall? He breaks his nose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyluke 1 Posted April 27, 2006 Share Posted April 27, 2006 I didn't know Kilroy was a toon fan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lazarus 0 Posted May 14, 2006 Share Posted May 14, 2006 Q: What does WIFE stand for? A: Washing, Ironing, Fucking, Etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WubbleUC 0 Posted May 14, 2006 Share Posted May 14, 2006 Q: What does WIFE stand for? A: Washing, Ironing, Fucking, Etc. 136027[/snapback] Washing, Ironing, Food and Entertainment, actually. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lazarus 0 Posted May 14, 2006 Share Posted May 14, 2006 Q: What does WIFE stand for? A: Washing, Ironing, Fucking, Etc. 136027[/snapback] Washing, Ironing, Food and Entertainment, actually. 136044[/snapback] Well you can go without a shag but i'm not Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WubbleUC 0 Posted May 14, 2006 Share Posted May 14, 2006 Q: What does WIFE stand for? A: Washing, Ironing, Fucking, Etc. 136027[/snapback] Washing, Ironing, Food and Entertainment, actually. 136044[/snapback] Well you can go without a shag but i'm not 136045[/snapback] Comes (!) under entertainment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lazarus 0 Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 David Blaine was gutted yesterday when he found out that his 44 day record of doing fuck all in a box was smashed by a six month attempt by Emile Heskey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lazarus 0 Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 Graeme Souness has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do," says the devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." Souness thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed. The devil opened the first room. In it was Glenn Hoddle and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell. "No!" Graeme said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long." The devil led him to the next room. In it was Fat Freddie with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented Graeme. The devil opened a third door. In it, Graeme saw Steve Bruce lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Karen Brady, taking it up the arse. Souness looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said, "Karen, you're free to go!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lazarus 0 Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 Joe visits a brothel one night in desperation after not having gotten any action over for about a year. Being unemployed did'nt help as money was always short. He walks into the brothel and ask the guy in charge at the counter " do you have any girl's who do it on cheaply ". What the fuck do you mean the guy behind the counter growls ". "Well I only have 2 dollars and I haven't had any sex for over a year." The guy behind the counter begins to feel sorry for him and say's, "Ok then theres one up in the attic room, not much of a mover but for 2 dollars it's better than nothing. Oh and by the way you must not, I repeat must not, suck her tits. " "Ok" Joe agrees. So Joe's on top getting on with the job of screwing her and think's to himself, "Christ the guy downstairs was right, she doesnt move much though she had one huge pair of tits", not wanting to spoil a good thing he resists the temptation and goes about his business. As Joe leaves the brothel he asks if he can come back later to the same girl for the same price and is told 'sure' he can visit her as often as he wants. Great he thinks, so he is back every second night screwing the girl in the attic room but is reminded each time that on no terms must he suck her tits. After about 5 weeks had passed one night he was on the job and the temptation was too great seeing these lovely tits and not being able to restrain himself, he said to himself, " Oh fuck it I'm having a nibble" and puts his lips over her nipple and begins to suck like a baby when he gets a load of white coarse stuff in his mouth. Enraged, Joe runs downstairs and pukes this stuff all over the guy behind the counter and yells "What the fuck is this? I sucked her tits and got a mouthful of rice!!" The guy behind the counter calmly replied, "That's not rice Joe, it's maggots, she's been dead for the past 6 weeks". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig 6294 Posted May 16, 2006 Author Share Posted May 16, 2006 Q: Why did the good lord give women thrush? A: To teach them how to live with an irritating cunt before they marry one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig 6294 Posted June 2, 2006 Author Share Posted June 2, 2006 A hillbilly farmer who wanted a divorce paid a visit to a lawyer. The lawyer asked, "How can I help you?" The farmer said, "I want to get one of them dayvorces". he lawyer said, "Do you have any grounds?" The farmer said, "Yes I have 40 acres". The lawyer said, "No, you don't understand, do you have a suit?" The farmer Said, "Yes, I got a suit, I wear it to church on Sundays". The lawyer said, "No, no, I mean do you have a case?" The farmer said, "No, I ain't got a Case, but I got a John Deer". The lawyer said, "No, I mean have you got a grudge?" The farmer said, "Yep, I got a grudge, but it's more like a shed, that's where I park the John Deer". The lawyer, becoming frustrated, said "Does your wife beat you up or anything like that?" The farmer said, "No, we both get up at 4.30 am". The lawyer then asked, "Is your wife a nagger?" The farmer said, "No, she's a white gal, but our last child was a nagger and that there is the reason I want a dayvorce". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mags 1 Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 Can you lot explain this pic? I figured captions could be made in bad taste so the pic went here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetleftpeg 0 Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 148229[/snapback] Sven rues letting JJ organise England teambuild. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Manson 0 Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 Can you lot explain this pic? I figured captions could be made in bad taste so the pic went here. 148229[/snapback] Gay marine misunderstands the term: "Shooting on your ass" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Face 29 Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 A German family head out one Saturday to do some shopping. While in the sports shop the son picks up an England football shirt and says to his sister, "I've decided to be an England supporter and I would like this for my birthday." His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him round the head and says, "Go talk to your mother." So off goes the little lad with the white and red football shirt in hand and finds his mother. "Mum?" "Yes son?" "I've decided I'm going to be an England supporter and I would like this shirt for my birthday". The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him around the head twice and says, "Go talk to your father." Off he goes with the football shirt in hand and finds his father. "Dad?" "Yes son?" "I've decided I'm going to be an England supporter and I would like this shirt for my birthday." The father is absolutely livid and promptly whacks his son around the head 4 times and says "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!" About half an hour later they're all back in the car and heading towards home. The father turns to his son and says; "Son, I hope you've learned something today?" The son says, "Yes dad I have." "Good son, what is it?" The son replies, "I've only been an England supporter for an hour and already I hate you German B@stards" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.../\......\o/... 0 Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 Do not read if easily offended, I apolgise in advance. Whats red and smells of Holly? Ian Huntleys C*ck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.../\......\o/... 0 Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 Why are black men so tall? Because their Knee grows Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest CrimsonFault Posted June 17, 2006 Share Posted June 17, 2006 Whats the difference between a Jew and a Pizza? A pizza doesn't scream in the oven. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.../\......\o/... 0 Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 What's the diffrence between a nigger and a bike? Bikes don't sing when you chain them together. Apologies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Sima Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 What's worse than Michael Jackson putting your kids to bed? Ian Huntley bathing them first. What's pink and makes women scream? Stillborn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig 6294 Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 There was a guy sun bathing in the nude on the beach. He saw a little girl coming toward him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading. The girl came up to him and asked, "what do you have under the newspaper?" Thinking quickly, the guy replied,"A bird." The girl walked away, and the guy fell asleep. When he woke up, he was in the hospital in tremendous pain. The police asked him what happened. The guy says, "I don't know. I was lying on the beach, this little girl asked me a question, I guess I dozed off and the next thing I know is I'm here." The police went to the beach, found the little girl, and asked her "What did you do to that naked fellow?" After a pause, the girl replied, to him "Nothing" I was playing with his bird and it spit on me, so I broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and set its nest on fire. Moral of the story....................Never lie to a female Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spongebob toonpants 3588 Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Why are there no muslims in Star Trek Its set in the future Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest CrimsonFault Posted June 22, 2006 Share Posted June 22, 2006 What have Nike and the KKK got in common? They both make darkies run like fuck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimbo 133 Posted June 22, 2006 Share Posted June 22, 2006 Sorry if this has already been done: Sir Paul McCartney was recently asked in an interview "would you consider going down on one knee again in the future"? "I would prefer it if you called her Heather if you don't mind" was the reply. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
khay 8 Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 Not bad taste, just bad. I'm lying, its terrible... but its too terrible not to share. Steven Spielberg has decided that he wants to make an action movie based on composers in ancient times. He recruits Bruce Willis, Steven Seagal and Arnie to play the lead roles. He can't decide who to cast as who, so he asks the actors who they want to play. "Who would you like to be Bruce?" Spielberg asks "I've always been a Beethoven man myself, I guess I'll go with that." Replied Bruce Willis. "How about you Steven?" Spielberg asks "MMM.... I love a bit of Mozart, So I suppose I could play him" replied Steven Seagal. "And you Arnie?" Spielberg asks Arnie replies "I'll be Bach." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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