Jump to content

The Bad Taste Joke Thread....


Recommended Posts

  • Replies 1.5k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand, walks into a small

village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog.

 

He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Kiwi "G'day,

mind if I talk to your dog?"

 

Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie."

 

Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?"

 

Dog: "Doin' all right."

 

Kiwi: (look of extreme shock)

 

Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?" (pointing at the

villager)

 

Dog: "Yep"

 

Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"

 

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and

takes me to the lake once a week to play."

 

Kiwi: (look of utter disbelief)

 

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

 

Kiwi: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either....I think."

 

Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"

 

Horse: "Cool"

 

Kiwi: (absolutely dumbfounded)

 

Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the villager)

 

Horse: "Yep"

 

Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?

 

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly,

brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the

elements."

 

Kiwi: (total look of amazement)

 

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

 

Kiwi: (in a panic) "The sheep's a liar."

 

 

 

 

 

 

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

 

Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"

 

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

 

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

 

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.

 

She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles i n the other, lifting and moving them around.

 

Then, she takes a close look and say, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!"

 

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,

 

"Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely......

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ? "

Link to post
Share on other sites
An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand, walks into a small

village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog.

 

He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Kiwi "G'day,

mind if I talk to your dog?"

 

Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie."

 

Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?"

 

Dog: "Doin' all right."

 

Kiwi: (look of extreme shock)

 

Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?" (pointing at the

villager)

 

Dog: "Yep"

 

Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"

 

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and

takes me to the lake once a week to play."

 

Kiwi: (look of utter disbelief)

 

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

 

Kiwi: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either....I think."

 

Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"

 

Horse: "Cool"

 

Kiwi: (absolutely dumbfounded)

 

Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the villager)

 

Horse: "Yep"

 

Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?

 

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly,

brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the

elements."

 

Kiwi: (total look of amazement)

 

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

 

Kiwi: (in a panic) "The sheep's a liar."

 

 

 

 

 

 

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

 

Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"

 

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

 

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

 

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.

 

She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles i n the other, lifting and moving them around.

 

Then, she takes a close look and say, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!"

 

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,

 

"Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely......

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ? "

 

Heard the second one before.

Link to post
Share on other sites

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

 

Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"

 

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

 

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

 

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.

 

She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles i n the other, lifting and moving them around.

 

Then, she takes a close look and say, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!"

 

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,

 

"Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely......

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ? "

Link to post
Share on other sites
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

 

Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"

 

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

 

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

 

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.

 

She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles i n the other, lifting and moving them around.

 

Then, she takes a close look and say, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!"

 

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,

 

"Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely......

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ? "

 

Heard that before somewhere :D

Link to post
Share on other sites
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

 

Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"

 

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

 

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

 

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.

 

She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles i n the other, lifting and moving them around.

 

Then, she takes a close look and say, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!"

 

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,

 

"Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely......

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ? "

 

This version's better:

 

Woman goes into a doctor complaining of a discharge. The doctor smiles and says "Well you're in luck, I'm the gyanecologist."

 

So he proceeds to examine her and when he's finished his check, he scratches his head. "Well I can't see anything wrong."

 

The woman says "That was lovely doctor, but the discharge is in my ear."

Link to post
Share on other sites

Black Tarmac and Red Tarmac decide to go for a beer down the local. They have just sat down when Green Tarmac comes bursting through the door, demands a large scotch and then head-butts the barman in the face for no reason. Red says to Black, you better watch him, he's a fucking cycle-path

 

Not sick, but complete genius.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 4 weeks later...

A man stumbles into a genie. The genie tells him it's his lucky day and he grants him one wish.

 

The man says "I've always wanted to be more popular with the ladies so I'd like a schlong that touches the floor"

 

The genie clicks his fingers and in a split second, the man's legs disappear.

Edited by TheInspiration
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1 month later...

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
×
  • Create New...