Besty 4 Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 if its tony instead of tiny it's shite, or if its toeny, its even worse. Toe-knee? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christmas Tree 3997 Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 Just got a jehovas witness advent calender, everytime you open a door, someone tells you to fuck off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin 1 Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 (edited) hahahahahahaha im laughing at toe knee by the way, not the jahova's witness wan Edited December 14, 2010 by Kevin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Kenneth Noisewater 0 Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 What do you call a man with no shins?Tony Fuck's sake.. I dont get it I'm not surprised I he's fibbing. Or is it tibbing Is there a 'groans' smiley? If so, insert here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welsh Magpie 0 Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 Boy: "Do you want to play the fire engine game?" Girl: "How do you play that?" Boy: "My fingers are the fire engine and I drive up your legs. You say 'red light!' when you want me to stop." Girl: "Okay, lets play." After a few seconds... Girl: "Red Light!" Boy: "Fire engines don't stop for red lights." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AgentAxeman 82 Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 My daughter has just walked in the room and apparently she wants me to beat the shit out of her, stamp on her head then drown her in the bath. Or, as she put it, "Hi, Dad, meet my new boyfriend, Jamahl." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 16617 Posted December 15, 2010 Share Posted December 15, 2010 My daughter has just walked in the room and apparently she wants me to beat the shit out of her, stamp on her head then drown her in the bath. Or, as she put it, "Hi, Dad, meet my new boyfriend, Jamahl." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welsh Magpie 0 Posted December 15, 2010 Share Posted December 15, 2010 NEWS: UP to 50 asylum-seekers are feared drowned after their boat was smashed on to cliffs at Christmas Island. Bloody hell... I only posted my letter to Santa yesterday! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welsh Magpie 0 Posted December 18, 2010 Share Posted December 18, 2010 I always find a good wank is spoilt when i am watching a woman masturbate on Pornhub and then a man arrives with his cock out and joins in. "Fuck off Dad and watch your own porn!" I said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shackbleep 0 Posted December 19, 2010 Share Posted December 19, 2010 With hindsight I should have posted my facebook status as: "I have blown the head gasket on my 1997 Ford" rather than "I've just fucked a 13 year old Escort". Still, I don't get out much and a few hours at the police station made a change... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38739 Posted December 21, 2010 Share Posted December 21, 2010 The Anorexia Ward is the easiest place in Town to pick up girls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meenzer 14031 Posted December 21, 2010 Share Posted December 21, 2010 To be fair, I'm not sure blowing a head gasket is entirely innuendo-free either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welsh Magpie 0 Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 "Darkness" The new fragrance by Joseph Fritzl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38739 Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Two tramps are standing around bragging about their day. The first tramp says "Today I found £20, and was able to buy a nice hot meal. It was my luckiest day ever!". The second tramp replies: "Oh yeah?my day was way better! I was at the railway yard, and found a woman tied to the train tracks. After I untied her, we fucked all day" "Did you get a blow job?" "Nah, I couldnt find her head" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38739 Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 So, I was babysitting last week for my sister-in-law's newborn. As she left she said if the bairn woke up that the best way was to rock it back to sleep. And she was right… After only 3 stones off it's head I didn't hear another sound all night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26782 Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 My Granda told me that the flu virus was going to pick up in the new year. "Tell me something I don't know, Granda!", I replied. Wasn't expecting, "I can get my fist up your granny's arse." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38739 Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 My Granda told me that the flu virus was going to pick up in the new year. "Tell me something I don't know, Granda!", I replied. Wasn't expecting, "I can get my fist up your granny's arse." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26782 Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 My Granda told me that the flu virus was going to pick up in the new year. "Tell me something I don't know, Granda!", I replied. Wasn't expecting, "I can get my fist up your granny's arse." I thought you'd like that one, Fist, you sick bastard, you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38739 Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 No such thing as bad taste in my book Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyluke 1 Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 We might as well just put a link to Sickipedia and have done with it. Still, at that last one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 8989 Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 Was shagging a bird the other night, and she said "don't put it up my arse!" I had to explain it's traditional for the person with the knife to make those decisions! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shackbleep 0 Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 With a frontline of Young and Bent it's no surprise that Gary Glitter has suddenly shown an interest in Aston Villa. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 16617 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 With a frontline of Young and Bent it's no surprise that Gary Glitter has suddenly shown an interest in Aston Villa. Liam Gallagher has that on his Twitetr yesterday, Oh how I laughed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 16617 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Ive raised a very music family. I play with Guitar with my eldest son. I drum with my youngest son When the wife goes out I fiddle with my daughter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WubbleUC 0 Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 Chance this will have been done already but I'm fucked if I'm going back through this thread now! Englishman, Yank and a Paki sat on the edge of the Empire State Building drinking vodka. The Yank says to the Paki 'Do you know that you can jump off here and the wind will loop you round and sit you back here?' The Paki says 'No chance. Prove it to me.' So the Yank jumps off, flies around in a loop and gently sits back next to the Paki. The Paki looks amazed and suddenly jumps off the edge, falling head first onto the tarmac below. Killed instantly. The Englishman turns to the Yank and says 'Fucking hell Superman, you're a right nasty cunt when you've had a drink!' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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