Renton 17746 Posted January 7, 2022 Share Posted January 7, 2022 I just had Queef on ignore, which works surprisingly well. Asprilla probably heading the same way as he's getting tedious as fuck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34422 Posted January 7, 2022 Share Posted January 7, 2022 @The Fish Right! I've got a smart plug and I want it to come on when the outdoor temperature drops below a certain temp. I can see I can use Weather Underground in IFTTT but how do I get the routine to trigger in Alexa? HELP PLEASE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 8989 Posted January 7, 2022 Share Posted January 7, 2022 36 minutes ago, Gemmill said: @The Fish Right! I've got a smart plug and I want it to come on when the outdoor temperature drops below a certain temp. I can see I can use Weather Underground in IFTTT but how do I get the routine to trigger in Alexa? HELP PLEASE! Go into IFTTT, create an applet, IF This, Goto Weather Underground, select "Current temperature drops below", bang in the criteria, Then That choose the brand of smart plug (I have TPlink e.g.) Turn On That should do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34422 Posted January 7, 2022 Share Posted January 7, 2022 Aye I don't think my smart plug is in there. I just got some gyppo brand off Amazon. I'll see if there's another way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38739 Posted January 7, 2022 Share Posted January 7, 2022 1. Go outside. 2. If it’s a bit nippy, go back inside. 3. Switch whatever you want on. 4. Use the time saved to watch Adam Pearson’s latest video. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34422 Posted January 7, 2022 Share Posted January 7, 2022 10 minutes ago, Monkeys Fist said: 1. Go outside. 2. If it’s a bit nippy, go back inside. 3. Switch whatever you want on. 4. Use the time saved to watch Adam Pearson’s latest video. The smart plug is in the garage so I don't want to have to traipse out there. It's to turn a radiator on so the treadmill that lives in the garage doesn't die through overexposure when the temp drops. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34422 Posted January 7, 2022 Share Posted January 7, 2022 31 minutes ago, The Fish said: Go into IFTTT, create an applet, IF This, Goto Weather Underground, select "Current temperature drops below", bang in the criteria, Then That choose the brand of smart plug (I have TPlink e.g.) Turn On That should do it. I've sussed it using this thing in IFTTT called Voice Monkey. Just have to wait and see if it actually works now.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34422 Posted January 7, 2022 Share Posted January 7, 2022 3 minutes ago, Ant said: Not a chance Ahhhh gwan man! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34422 Posted January 7, 2022 Share Posted January 7, 2022 4 minutes ago, Ant said: Not a chance they're usually pretty good tbh, smart life or whatever the app is works well with routines, normally has in built stuff for sunrise/sunset and weather conditions, and link to alexa/ifttt/google etc i've a bunch of them myself Can you add any brand to smart life then? That might be where I'm fucking up here. I think I might have sorted it with these voice monkey virtual triggers, but I'll need it to get warmer to find out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34422 Posted January 7, 2022 Share Posted January 7, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex 30376 Posted January 7, 2022 Share Posted January 7, 2022 3 hours ago, Ant said: Not a chance 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayatollah Hermione 12767 Posted January 9, 2022 Share Posted January 9, 2022 Had three shits today and I’ve drawn an ace every time. Has anyone ever come close to such consistency? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaddockLad 14584 Posted January 9, 2022 Share Posted January 9, 2022 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38739 Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 15 hours ago, Ayatollah Hermione said: Had three shits today and I’ve drawn an ace every time. Has anyone ever come close to such consistency? Due to starting work at the ungodly hour of 6a.m. this morning, my nipsy decided to have a lie-in and wasn’t having it when I did my morning ablutions. As expected, at around 9:30 Captain Cack started knocking on the back door, and by 10:00 he was kicking it down. Luckily I’m on a rural route today, and was heading towards Alston. Found a suitable spot to pull over, headed in to the woods with the Shit Kit, and did a Bear Grylls. (The Shit Kit is several opaque plastic bags, plenty of bog roll, and a pack of wet wipes.) Jobby done, it’s then a case of tieing the literal parcel of shite to the passenger wing mirror and carrying on until a bin can be found. In this case, it was Allendale. It requires a certain combination of nonchalance and arrogance to stroll across the market square with last nights dinner swinging in a bag by your side, but luckily I’m short of neither, so the offending Baby’s Arm was duly deposited and I carried on with my day. The point to this long-winded Faecal Farce is that, possibly due to my pipecutter detecting the gentle breeze of Nature’s breath whistling down the Dark Canyon, I also drew an ace today. Giddup! Edit; Standing wipe, obvs. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spongebob toonpants 3599 Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 2 minutes ago, Monkeys Fist said: Due to starting work at the ungodly hour of 6a.m. this morning, my nipsy decided to have a lie-in and wasn’t having it when I did my morning ablutions. As expected, at around 9:30 Captain Cack started knocking on the back door, and by 10:00 he was kicking it down. Luckily I’m on a rural route today, and was heading towards Alston. Found a suitable spot to pull over, headed in to the woods with the Shit Kit, and did a Bear Grylls. (The Shit Kit is several opaque plastic bags, plenty of bog roll, and a pack of wet wipes.) Jobby done, it’s then a case of tieing the literal parcel of shite to the passenger wing mirror and carrying on until a bin can be found. In this case, it was Allendale. It requires a certain combination of nonchalance and arrogance to stroll across the market square with last nights dinner swinging in a bag by your side, but luckily I’m short of neither, so the offending Baby’s Arm was duly deposited and I carried on with my day. The point to this long-winded Faecal Farce is that, possibly due to my pipecutter detecting the gentle breeze of Nature’s breath whistling down the Dark Canyon, I also drew an ace today. Giddup! Poetry! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ohhh_yeah 2765 Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 15 hours ago, Ayatollah Hermione said: Had three shits today and I’ve drawn an ace every time. Has anyone ever come close to such consistency? You! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christmas Tree 3997 Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 Sweet Jesus! https://news.sky.com/video/share-12512873 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38739 Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 7 minutes ago, spongebob toonpants said: Poetry! Have you read James Joyce’s filthy love letters to his Mrs? https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/74934/13-nsfw-lines-james-joyces-incredibly-dirty-love-letters The bloke would’ve loved glass coffee tables. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38739 Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 8 minutes ago, Christmas Tree said: Sweet Jesus! https://news.sky.com/video/share-12512873 8 minutes ago, Christmas Tree said: Sweet Jesus! https://news.sky.com/video/share-12512873 Once you can forgive, but this bloke landed in the same spot twice??? What a whopper. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 17746 Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 1 hour ago, Monkeys Fist said: Due to starting work at the ungodly hour of 6a.m. this morning, my nipsy decided to have a lie-in and wasn’t having it when I did my morning ablutions. As expected, at around 9:30 Captain Cack started knocking on the back door, and by 10:00 he was kicking it down. Luckily I’m on a rural route today, and was heading towards Alston. Found a suitable spot to pull over, headed in to the woods with the Shit Kit, and did a Bear Grylls. (The Shit Kit is several opaque plastic bags, plenty of bog roll, and a pack of wet wipes.) Jobby done, it’s then a case of tieing the literal parcel of shite to the passenger wing mirror and carrying on until a bin can be found. In this case, it was Allendale. It requires a certain combination of nonchalance and arrogance to stroll across the market square with last nights dinner swinging in a bag by your side, but luckily I’m short of neither, so the offending Baby’s Arm was duly deposited and I carried on with my day. The point to this long-winded Faecal Farce is that, possibly due to my pipecutter detecting the gentle breeze of Nature’s breath whistling down the Dark Canyon, I also drew an ace today. Giddup! Edit; Standing wipe, obvs. Not sure the need to shit into a bag in that situation? Plenty of moorland 25 metres from the road. I once got terrible stomach cramps on Haystacks in the lakes, not exactly a quiet spot. I was agony and had to go straight away. I had to make do with a spot in the crags about 5 metres away from the summit which was full of family walkers, could hear every conversation clear as day. Think I got away with it but heavens forbid anybody walked in that direction for the next few weeks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex 30376 Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 A lovely tribute to Alfred Wainwright 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38739 Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 I did ponder whether to leave a meaty nugget for the local fauna to nibble on, but they mightn’t like spicy food so I took the bag option, also, I’m not a FUCKING SAVAGE! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38739 Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 “ Mam, can you remember when we walked up that mountain and the sweaty man at the top did a poo and EVERYONE COULD HEAR HIM GRUNTING AND PLOPPING?” ” Yes dear, but let’s try to forget”. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 17746 Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 Well you know I've got ulcerative colitis so not always in complete control. I should have a special lanyard allowing me to shit ANYWHERE I LIKE tbh. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38739 Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 Sounds like you do anyway. Imagine walking down Northumberland St. and seeing Renton curling out a steamer outside of Fenwicks, waving his Poo Pass lanyard at everyone as they recoil in horror. “ IT’S FINE- MY BOTTOM IS … …NNNNNGGGGHHHAAAH… …DISABLED!” *edited for added mental imagery. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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