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Lazarus

St James Park is sinking!

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Two weeks ago, after noticing my maltesers kept rolling off my coffee table, I subscribed to 'Sudsidence Weekly', a popular magazine amomgst owners of horizontally challenged homes. The editor of said magazine, one 'C. U. Tipping', had recently interviewed Freddie Shepherd, about a potentially disasterous problem at St James Park. The interview took place in the front of the Milburn stand.

 

Tipping 'So, Mr Shepherd, you seem to have a subsidence problem. How did you first notice it?'

Shepherd 'The pitch is sinking towards the Milburn Stand - making a slope from right to left. We first noticed we had a problem when Cristiano Ronaldo kept mysteriously falling over during a recent game ....'

 

Tipping 'Is it also true that this is the reason your left sided players can't pass wind, never mind a football?'

Shepherd 'No, that is not true. Our left sided players can all pass wind.'

 

Tipping 'So what are you doing to rectify the problem?'

Shepherd 'Well, as the slope in the pitch is from right to left, we have decided to overload the team with left sided players. We now have N'Zogbia, Babayaro, Luque and hopefully Duff. We intend to play a sideways four-four-two system. We will play four players on the left flank, four in the middle, and just two on the right. That way, when the ball keeps rolling to the left of the pitch, we will have plenty of players to capitalise!'

 

Tipping 'So, just to clarify, your pitch is subsiding - and your solution has been to buy loads of left sided players to prevent the ball rolling out of play.

Shepherd 'Yes, that just about sums it up.'

 

Tipping 'So what happens when you change ends at half time?'

Shepherd 'Er....bugger.'

 

 

 

 

(Blatently stolen from another forum). :lol:

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