Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
peasepud

To the bloke sat next to me today

Recommended Posts

Heres a few subtle ideas you may want to take on board mate.

 

 

salad-tossed-bowl_small.jpg

 

Salad, a wonderful thing, fresh, crunchy and tasty. Most importantly free of calories!

 

 

gym.jpg

 

Secondly, a gym, now this is alien to you I know but you may just grow to like it, used in conjunction with the salad above and in weeks you could see a remarkable difference.

 

 

79_T14.jpg

 

Now this ones a bit strange, yes its a saw. A saw? I hear you ask, yes a saw, and why?

 

well, you may have just used one slowly on my leg, it would have been preferable to the way in which you trapped my leg between the tree trunk you called your right leg and the seat in front, slowly but surely cutting the circulation off and slicing the curved top of the seat into my lower leg. Amputation would have been preferable.

 

I know that as legs go mine are above average (both in size and look :lol: ) however that can be put down to DNA, yours Im afraid are caused by KFC.

 

You must realise that when your arse is the size of a Ford Ka then its going to encroach on the seat next to you (both sides) what you didnt seem to realise was

its not your fucking seat! its mine (well technically Ritchies as I havent sorted that bit of things out yet :crylaughin: ) and if the :lol: brain ;) inside that fat head of yours was operating you would have sussed that when I sat down in the 2nd half and made sure my leg was stuck out in your way that I was somehow making a point that I was dying!!! No, because you made sure that your fucking elehantile leg pushed mine further and further into the seat and then had the nerve to look at me as if I was the one in the wrong B)

 

All the way through the friggin 2nd half you sat there arms folded in the way that only fat people can, a sort of defiant "Im fat, you're suffering, get over it". Well I got news for you mate, you know the bloke whos on the cover of Fatboy Slims albums? hes your brother, smaller, less obese (and frankly better looking) brother.

 

So I only ask two things my friend,

 

firstly that you show a little consideration to the bloke(s) next to you and maybe just once every half or so, move your leg so that mine can actually touch the deck and stop shaking.

 

And secondly, go on a fucking diet!

 

Yours sincerely

 

 

Hopalong Pud.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'd pay to see that....

 

The BFG and a a beached whale sat next to each other!

 

A new Disney film perhaps? :lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'll smash yer bloody windows sunshine!

 

 

(then sell you some superior glazing at a very reasonable price.)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ended up taking SMO"s ticket for yesterdays game as he was getting a sweat on that he's not gonna get rid of it. Decent seat and no arseholes around him which is good as one of the reasons i stopped going to games was it seemd that everyone around me either talked like a mackem or had just been and done their xmas shopping then would ring one of their family to tell them what they had bought for the full 90 minutes.

 

 

You know the type "I've been to the match today" for the sake of saying it.

 

Tempted to take it off him full time.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

To the bloke on me left at the Reading matches:

 

Have a shave, will you? When you, me and Si were jumping for joy with our arms round eachother, your stubble scratched me knuckles. :lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
To the bloke on me left at the Reading matches:

 

Have a shave, will you? When you, me and Si were jumping for joy with our arms round eachother, your stubble scratched me knuckles.  ;)

181946[/snapback]

 

The ultimate case of pot calling the kettle black! :lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Never mind that, how gay does the whole thing sound?! "Jumping for joy"???? They only do that in Enid Blyton novels ffs. "With our arms round each other." Jesus H Christ!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest alex
Never mind that, how gay does the whole thing sound?!  "Jumping for joy"????  They only do that in Enid Blyton novels ffs.  "With our arms round each other."  Jesus H Christ!

181960[/snapback]

And complaining about stubble scratching your knuckles doesn't help.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Never mind that, how gay does the whole thing sound?!  "Jumping for joy"????  They only do that in Enid Blyton novels ffs.  "With our arms round each other."  Jesus H Christ!

181960[/snapback]

 

How else do you explain it? They know I'm a toon fan so grabbed me. ;)

 

Oh and Craig, I'm not stubbly. :lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Did anyone see that bloke sitting by himself in Level 7?  :lol:

181959[/snapback]

 

Was that the one in the Milburn stand L7? We were laughing at him and the huge space around him. Albeit all the way over from SJH middle tier like.

 

Tried shouting "splitter!" but dont think he heard....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Never mind that, how gay does the whole thing sound?!  "Jumping for joy"????  They only do that in Enid Blyton novels ffs.  "With our arms round each other."  Jesus H Christ!

181960[/snapback]

 

How else do you explain it? They know I'm a toon fan so grabbed me. :lol:

 

Oh and Craig, I'm not stubbly. ;)

181962[/snapback]

 

 

So Reading fans know you're a Newcastle fan, and Newcastle fans know you're a Reading fan.

 

You're pretty much fucked aren't you :lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Never mind that, how gay does the whole thing sound?!  "Jumping for joy"????  They only do that in Enid Blyton novels ffs.  "With our arms round each other."  Jesus H Christ!

181960[/snapback]

 

How else do you explain it? They know I'm a toon fan so grabbed me. B)

 

Oh and Craig, I'm not stubbly. ;)

181962[/snapback]

 

 

So Reading fans know you're a Newcastle fan, and Newcastle fans know you're a Reading fan.

 

You're pretty much fucked aren't you :lol:

181978[/snapback]

 

I'm a newcastle fan dammit. :lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Never mind that, how gay does the whole thing sound?!  "Jumping for joy"????  They only do that in Enid Blyton novels ffs.  "With our arms round each other."  Jesus H Christ!

181960[/snapback]

 

How else do you explain it? They know I'm a toon fan so grabbed me. :crylaughin:

 

Oh and Craig, I'm not stubbly. :lol:

181962[/snapback]

 

 

So Reading fans know you're a Newcastle fan, and Newcastle fans know you're a Reading fan.

 

You're pretty much fucked aren't you :lol:

181978[/snapback]

 

I'm a newcastle fan dammit. B)

182060[/snapback]

 

In the same way that I'm a Chelsea fan..... ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

Sign in to follow this  

Recent tweets

Toontastic Facebook

Donate to Toontastic

Keeping the lights on since... well ages ago
TT-Staff


×