Newcastle Forum

Announcing the Toontastic Patreon

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NUFC Pictures - from days of old.

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Elliot Anderson's poker face

The thin black and white line

NUFC vs Brighton - Sat 2nd May 3PM

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Lego heads title bottling set piece merchants vs Thats SIR EDDIE HOWE to you (Saturday, 5:30pm, Emirates)

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Eddie Howe

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Please can you help!! Dissertation Survey

Spurs to go down or Arsenal to blow the league?

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Eddie Howe - in or out. THE DEFINITIVE poll on his future. Mods with itchy trigger fingers, hands off

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Who or what can fuck right off at NUFC?

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Some idiots auditioning for roles in “Auf Wiedersehen, Eddie” against some southern cunts looking for hattricks, Saturday April 18th, 3 pm

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Leadership through the eyes of supporters!

Crystal Palace v Newcastle United; Sunday 12th April 2pm

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Eddie's wounded animals v the morlocks Sun 22 Mar - midday kick off

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The Run In

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Evolve or Rebuild

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Newcastle United vs The Visitors, Sunday 22nd March 2026, 12pm, St James's Park. Away seats to be coated in Teflon for easy cleaning.

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Pooweh Troll Attempt, Marra’s

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Freddie Mercury, Montserrat Caballé and Manuel from Fawlty Towers yellow card avoiding Barthelona v Rock steady Eddie's Black and White heroic men mountains. 17.45 KO at Camp Nou, Referee, Homer Simpsoños, linesmen Esteban Wonderamos and Raymondo Carlos.

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What’s been happening I was having a shit?

Chelsea vs Newcastle

Pwoppa Nawtee financial irregularities Corrupt Rent Boys FC v The Righteous Black and White Novocastrians who are very much United. 17.30 at 'The Bridge'* (*twinned with David Mellor).

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Unsteady Eddie's Camp Nowts vs. Handsome Hansi's Herr Flickers ⚽ Tue 10.03.2026 @ SJP, 8pm. CL Last 16, First Leg

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Fuck me I forgot , I’ve been on the bog all day bunged up to fuck. Anyway it’s us vs them cunts AGAIN!! I need a break never mind the players. ALSO 8PM KO

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The game tonight, what's everyone's thoughts ??

the snake oil salesman or canadian cunt, whichever you prefer....

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Ffs another one! EH’s damp squids vs another north east Man u arselicker’s on the up team. Please make it stop we need a break soon. Wednesday night.

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Shane Ferguson

pickford

Alex Murphy

Eddie Howes definitely further in the CL than ever before damp squib survivors vs everton. Saturday, 3pm, SJP

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Eddies finding their feet, further than they've ever been in the CL mags vs carrier bag; Job done? Tuesday 8pm at SJP

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Pep’s I’ll tap your players up on the pitch after we beat you at our place as normal Citeh v Eddie’s resurgent, resplendent, rotated Plan B masters. Etihad Stadium Saturday 21st February Kick-off 8pm Live on TNT Sports.

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Sean Neave

A banana skin in a Tesco carrier bag v Eddie’s willy waving cup specialists. Wednesday 18th February Kick-off 5.45pm GMT/9.45pm local Live on TNT Sports

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Injury Watch List 2025/26

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Dracula's Villains v defiant fist-pumping Eddie's rotated and resurgent mags

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Frank's spursy Spurs v Eddie's crestfallen dreaded vote of confidence mags. Tuesday 10th February Kick-off 7.30pm Live on TNT Sports

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Newcastle ‘couldn’t finish a cup-a-soup’ United vs David Brentford pulled our pants down.

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