Newcastle Forum

Announcing the Toontastic Patreon

• 3

NUFC Pictures - from days of old.

• 65

Eddie's wounded animals v the morlocks Sun 22 Mar - midday kick off

The Run In

Evolve or Rebuild

Newcastle United vs The Visitors, Sunday 22nd March 2026, 12pm, St James's Park. Away seats to be coated in Teflon for easy cleaning.

Pooweh Troll Attempt, Marra’s

• 5

Freddie Mercury, Montserrat Caballé and Manuel from Fawlty Towers yellow card avoiding Barthelona v Rock steady Eddie's Black and White heroic men mountains. 17.45 KO at Camp Nou, Referee, Homer Simpsoños, linesmen Esteban Wonderamos and Raymondo Carlos.

• 22

What’s been happening I was having a shit?

Chelsea vs Newcastle

Pwoppa Nawtee financial irregularities Corrupt Rent Boys FC v The Righteous Black and White Novocastrians who are very much United. 17.30 at 'The Bridge'* (*twinned with David Mellor).

• 18

Unsteady Eddie's Camp Nowts vs. Handsome Hansi's Herr Flickers ⚽ Tue 10.03.2026 @ SJP, 8pm. CL Last 16, First Leg

• 19

Fuck me I forgot , I’ve been on the bog all day bunged up to fuck. Anyway it’s us vs them cunts AGAIN!! I need a break never mind the players. ALSO 8PM KO

• 15

The game tonight, what's everyone's thoughts ??

the snake oil salesman or canadian cunt, whichever you prefer....

• 2

Ffs another one! EH’s damp squids vs another north east Man u arselicker’s on the up team. Please make it stop we need a break soon. Wednesday night.

• 24

Shane Ferguson

pickford

Alex Murphy

Eddie Howes definitely further in the CL than ever before damp squib survivors vs everton. Saturday, 3pm, SJP

• 16

Eddies finding their feet, further than they've ever been in the CL mags vs carrier bag; Job done? Tuesday 8pm at SJP

• 11

Pep’s I’ll tap your players up on the pitch after we beat you at our place as normal Citeh v Eddie’s resurgent, resplendent, rotated Plan B masters. Etihad Stadium Saturday 21st February Kick-off 8pm Live on TNT Sports.

• 16

Sean Neave

A banana skin in a Tesco carrier bag v Eddie’s willy waving cup specialists. Wednesday 18th February Kick-off 5.45pm GMT/9.45pm local Live on TNT Sports

• 19

Injury Watch List 2025/26

Dracula's Villains v defiant fist-pumping Eddie's rotated and resurgent mags

• 23

Frank's spursy Spurs v Eddie's crestfallen dreaded vote of confidence mags. Tuesday 10th February Kick-off 7.30pm Live on TNT Sports

• 23

Newcastle ‘couldn’t finish a cup-a-soup’ United vs David Brentford pulled our pants down.

• 19

Pepto Abymsal’s Belligerent Bell Ends vs Eduardo’s Rotisserie Chooks - League Cup Semis 2nd Leg. Wed 4th Feb. 20:00 KO. 2-0 to The Peppers on aggro.

• 17

Eddies thanks for the Millions, how’s the rat, Burns coming for you again, European heroes v Slots one hit wonders, it was all Klopps doing anyway, moaning Mary’s (Saturday 8pm)

• 24

French fancy dan, ref bribing poodles v Eddies plan A walking wounded. Wednesday 28th Jan. 8pm KO. At that there France. (details added by friendly mod since OP is spacka daft)

• 33

Newcastle United vs Aston Villa, Sunday 25th January 2026, 2pm, SJP

• 25

Newcastle United vs PSV, Wednesday 21st January 2026, 8pm, SJP

• 18

Wolverhampton Wanderers vs Newcastle United, Sunday 18th Jan 2026, 2pm, their place innit

• 14

Eddie's exhausted entertainers v Pep's pricey primadonnas - Carabao Cup Semi-final first leg St. James' Park Tuesday 13th January Kick-off 8pm

• 21

ross wilson...

• 2

Eddie's injury time comeback spirit of King Kev entertainers v Eddie's bogey team - FA Cup, Sat 10-Jan 3pm

• 20

Howe’s stick it to Lee “onslaught” Ryder and his loyal puntaz v Leeds. St. James' Park Wednesday 7th January Kick-off 8.15pm

• 30

Howe’s cultist happy clappers v Palace Sun 04-Jan 3pm

• 15

january's fixtures....