catmag

You'll be in A&E if you carry on with that kind of shit! NOT A EUPHEMISM.

He knows I love him really Well, in a nursey kinda way. (not a young, student nurse kinda way..)

Yeah cos predatory, ageing male nurse practitioners are their favourite type of company on a Christmas do..

I'm not bothering with mine this year. It's at the same dive that it's been for the last 2yrs where the booze is cheap but rank and too many people turn into arseholes after getting absolutely hammered in the first hour. We have been given permission to get Christmas scrub tops though, so anyone who turns up for emergency surgery and is absolutely shitting themselves will be no doubt calmed and reassured by the sight of us in gingerbread man/santa claus/snowflakes get up.

Definitely a euphemism.

Leaking back door here. Not a euphemism.

Nah, Fish just tries to be more clever and hilarious than anyone else but it doesn't always work. He tries really hard though, bless him

Maybe it was the flailing limbs whilst I was bent over him. There's something to be said for being in control

A bloke collapsed in front of me on the way up to the station and started fitting on the pavement. It was hoying down and I wasn't going to keep walking. Took an hour for the ambulance, by which time I'd been kneeling in a puddle for the duration. All good in the end though.

But factually correct!

I endured a 3hr train journey wearing wet knickers today. That is all.

You fucking need them with all the rain in Manchester. I'm still absolutely frozen and I've been back 8hrs.

The Grey Man sends his regards but isn't planning a Bobby Ewing style resurrection any time soon, despite knowing the coast is clear.

Birthday kisses!

Even I'm not working Christmas Day this year Or Christmas Eve, or NYE or NYD.

I came out of Trolls feeling like someone had given me IV Haribo. The bairns enjoyed it but dear god, it was sickly bright.

I love your bro, HF. One of the nicest and funniest blokes I've ever met. Give him my love

I must show that to Sammy

In that case I work with your mate's sister-in-law.

mid-life crisis tbh

I thought you knew me better than that

One particularly spectacularly vile specimen followed me out of the hospital this morning and staggered over to me whilst I was waiting for my lift. He'd clearly pissed himself about 8 hours earlier, had been bleeding from his head at some point, was still steaming drunk and stunk like a dead rat. He got a little bit too close, asked if I had any tabs, asked if he could have a lift and fell on the floor. Security swiftly came and saved me and he was escorted elsewhere.

A&E was like some kind of dosshouse for pissheads and knobends last night. Ridiculous.

Have yourselves an extra hour in bed tonight, kiddos. I'll be working 1-2am twice and then spending the rest of the night watching the clocks spin around trying to catch up with themselves like we're in some kind of horror film. Enjoy.