jonpneumonic
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Posts
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Posts posted by jonpneumonic
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With the current state of affairs, this would be another FUCK YOU from the Tories - so I think it's nailed on. Estimated cost to the state £10m.
In their defence, £8.7m of that is going on a reinforced dancefloor for her grave.
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Cock off.Was hoping for more info on this film. Which one was it?
1. The direct to video sequel to face/off, with Mario van peebles swapping junk with Damon wayans to infiltrate a pedophile ring, with hilarious consequences
Or
2. The true life tearjerker about the struggles of a south African athlete, starring martin Lawrence as caster semenya and the voice of Chris Tucker as her hugely annoying cock and balls.
Both look mint tbh
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Far too bored driving home from Manchester
There once was a fucker so dreary
So obsessed with conspiricy theory
"Rockets won't work in heaven"
"The yanks faked 9/11"
That he made all the normal folk weary.
They tried to convince him with sense
Tried to tell him to not take offence
"You keep wearing your blinkers,
you closed minded thinkers"
The wittering cunt was too dense
They tried to convince him with science
Diagrams of a nuclear appliance
"You fools don't know your jobs,
you were told stuff by nobs.
He continued his robust defiance
They concocted a remedy drastic
With the aid of Cath's knicker elastic
And some plans from Ant's pocket
They constructed a rocket
To get rid of the tedious spastic
As the hour of departure drew near
Wolfy began to tremble with fear
"The rocket will smash,
I'll be fucked like a gash! (sorry
)Nothing can leave this old earth's atmosphere"
The moment of fate came with a bang
The rocket was launched with a TWANG
As we lost sight if it
He was still spouting shit
But we were rid of the ignorant wang
As the missile approached outer space
Wolfy's little heart started to race
"I'm facing my doom,
nowt moves in a vacuum
I'll just freeze up here in one place"
He frantically clawed at the walls
Tried making some SOS calls
"I'm done for, I'm for it!
Nothing can leave our orbit
(See his knowledge of physics is balls)
He entered the darkness. Indeed
For oxygen he had a need
But he was speared up the ring
By a sattelite's wing
And he plummetted eathwards at speed
As the re-entry friction, Wolf heated
He realised he'd been defeated
He struck Newcastle hard
like an aster-retard
And the worlds true free-thinker was beated
The End........or is it
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2 sets up. Currently scoring an 86% on the "he's British-ometer"
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Shuffled off to rejoin his fingers. Rest in peace, the otters can't hurt you anymore : (
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Russia is officially still a secular state, so inside/outside of church should have no bearing. The fact that Putin and the Russian Othodox church are seemingly in alliance is exactly what the protest was about. Therefore it kinda doesn't work outside the church.
Whilst I'm not a massive fan of the girls musically, to be imprisoned for 2 years for insulting someones imaginary friend in the 21st century is baffling.
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2 years in a penal colony. Justice has been done : /
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Been a blinder all round tbh. A nice 2 week holiday from my usual British cynicism.
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Is it compulsory for a diver to be a puff ?
Not required but apparently it does help get that perfect ripped entry
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That's a good bronze for Daley. He couldn't do much more with the dives he has.
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Nailed his. Now just the American and the Chinese fella to get splashing
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Daley in 1st (just) with 1 dive to go. Fair play to the lad didn't see him getting that close
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First rule of pasty dealing ct. Never get pie off your own supply.
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Looking forward to the film version of brocks "pirates of men's pants" in 3d
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highlights up on ESPN Goals app now
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I think it was quite good. Creative if not for anything else. Bit of Steve Jobs in me I reckon.
If you are gonna defend your homophobia please don't invite such obvious necro/homosexual comebacks in your posts. on the night of one of our biggest victories in years you serve only to highlight the fact that we have morons that support us too. good game, good game. cunt (sorry cath)
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We were promised champagne fotball and get hoofing, and we have top players on the bench and are fielding shite. Thats why I am upset. Adress those two issues and fagdew can go on, regardless of his failure to sign anybody.
Tonight he won, and gets a breathing room. The issues are still there however.
fagdew? Other than some bizarre homophobia that is just nonsense. Surely you could stretch to Tard-ew or something? Not sure if I'm more disappointed with the lack of pun skills or the fact we have to be associated with you
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Just watching motd and saw Saha. Forgot about him
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Well Toontwatters, I'm beginning to think I'm a mental magnet;
A girl I know is going through some shit at the minute and I've been "there" for her; having a coffee with her while she tells me her problems and that kind of thing. Prior to her excursion into the Forest of the Mental, she was quite hot, funny, smart etc. Now she's sullen, distracted, and looks like shit (yes I'm shallow, let's move on), the problem is I think she's taken my flirting pre- and my friendship post- breakdown as a sign of romantic intent.
I don't want to go out with this lass, which is definitely the route she's gibbering down, but neither do I want to cause her more upset. If she was just a little bummed, I'd take her aside and let her down nice and gentle like. But she's genuinely on the edge and I don't want to push her over as I dart for the door.
So I was thinking of taking longer to reply to texts/emails/facebook messages, taking calls but always have an exit strategy if things get a bit uncomfortable.
Cowardly I know, but I don't think she's in a place where she could handle the crushing heartbreak of me turning her down.
Seriously though I don't doubt me spurning her advances ( no matter how delicately spoken) would do more damage than it would if she was on a steady keel (is that the right term?) and I really don't want to be the guy she mentions in a suicide note. fuck I shouldn't be laughing about this... I blame the booze.
You see, the answer is staring you right in the face with it's cycloptic brown eye. Just make sure she is only a little bummed (I assume this means pulling out and jizzing up her back) then due to your own criteria you can let her down gently. They when she's hoyed herself off a bridge and you are wracked with guilt, you can at least think back to happier times, whjen you were conkers deep in her shitbox.
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Doug Stanhope is certainly one of the better American stand ups out there at the moment, but he does suffer somewhat from the same problems that other decent "extreme" comedians do. The first clip in isolation is fairly unpleasant (if amusing on a puerile level) but as with most clips taken from longer sets it is not always possible to judge context. Jokes about misogeny and the handicapped will always push some peoples buttons, while they will also get some lowest common denominator cheers but it would hardly be fair to say that the lcd crowd is who he plays to over the course of his act. The second clip is far less populist an idea in America and is delivered probably better.
The main thing he suffers from though is the fact that so many comedy fans (those that champion comedians and stuff, not people who like that funny bloke of that advert etc.) are desperate to fit him into some latter day Bill Hicks pigeon hole that he is probably lauded far above his actual level.
ps Hicks could also look terrible if you showed a 6 minute clip.
pps he says cunt, he must be funny
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Currently havent had a shave for 3/4 weeks, looking to do leave the beard for another month or so and see what happens.
Last year... didnt shave beard for 2-3 months and no hair cut for about 4 months ... this was the outcome
That just highlights the dangers of beards tbh. 8 weeks without a shave and it already appears that you are lurking in a soft play centre trying to show kids your helmet.
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Warwick Castle is a good day out if you are taking kids, otherwise, its a bit of a disappointment at full price (its fucking expensive). Falconry displays are good mind.
I'd steer clear of the likes of Bourton these days as its twee as fuck and caters for hordes of Japanese tourists wanting a "olde worlde" experience. It's heartbreaking to see beautiful traditional pubs turned into school dining halls to fire people through with a minimum of service. Plus Birdland is shit.
Other than that, Broadway is pretty nice, Stratford is touristy but there is much more of interest there than Bourton.
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This puppy is too versatile to be believed. It's both chilli sauce and it's mustard.
Hard to find round me but I would use this for everything (possibly barring sexual lubrication)
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Given what has been said about buying young players on the cheap who can grow into more valuable assets, i would not be at all surprised to see it in Pardews contract that he gets a "commission" for youngsters brought in/brought through the ranks and then sold. A lot of managers will.
But it would take an idiot to pay money to an employee for the sale of a commodity they had fuck all to do with buying or cultivating. He'd have got nowt for Carroll, and nowt for Enrique. It's a grain of truth being gestated into a pearl of bollocks if you ask me (which i know you didn't)
Jimmy Savile
in General Chat
Posted
And now another high profile 71yr old man has had to step down in the north west. When will it all stop?
You'll never win anything with kids apparently