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I don't think you'll be able to sing very well with Mike Ashley's cock down your throat. Might go a little more like "mmmmmm mmmm mmmm mm mm mmmmmm." Not quite as catchy.

I like to tug it , tug it, I like to tug it , tug it, I like to tug it , tug it, RITCHIE! Matty , physically fit, physically fit Physically, physically, physically Matty, physically fit, physically fit Physically, physically, physically.

If you don’t want Andy Carroll back, you’re a Tory. Those are the rules, I’m afraid.

I don't give a fuck, I still get angered by mugs falling for pr stunts though

Or a pizza

We’re a banter club now. None of this matters. Grab yourself a drink and a jester hat and shut the fuck up.

My mate seen him in the strippers just before we sold him. Took four of them home

At least Bruce will have a drinking buddy now. Who’s also a bit handy when theres aggro at the KFC after a night on the piss

Muto played 17 premiership games and scored 1 goal for us last season. Gayle played none and scored none. Likewise Joelinton (obviously), played none scored none, new to the league and all that entails. And we get Mr “very good when he's fit” (Played 12 scored 0 last season) Keep on keeping on Mike..... ffs

What a load of Shite. And people are sucking this up. No wonder we are where we are.

I keep reading that it's risk free. Riskier than actually buying somebody that might actually be fit and available when needed though right? It's appalling business. Our season rests on Joelinton being good enough and staying fit

Just wait until all the dumb fucks turning out at the Arsenal match realise that he isn't eligible to play on Sunday.

I refuse to let the club bully me with pr and nostalgia

Say what you want about his fitness record or the fact both his exit and return are down to the horrendous problems caused by our current owner, but personally I love that and would love it if he can get back on the pitch and contribute.

Given you didn’t rate Benitez, your opinion carries a lot of weight

He'd have been too old if Rafa had said he wanted him

The closest he’ll get to that pitch for 6 months.

Aye, it’s worrying that he’s seen as “competition” for Yedlin rather than someone to oust him completely and send him back to the MLS and the Cincinnati Beef Curtains or whoever he used to play for.

You fell for the sexy French accent trap, didn’t you? TS; “ Alreet pet, fancy a back scuttle?” TSFB; “ Oh mon cherie, donnez moi ton petit saucisson, comme un singe sauvage!” TS: “ Er, aye, nee bother pet, voulez vous couchez avec moi, ce soir, like?” TSFB: “ Mon minge est comme la tete de M. Trump dans une tornado” TS:” Fuckin’ mint! Clear the decks, I’m coming in !”

I'm not sure even Deano deserves that sort of slander.

His arse exploded one time too many mid-flight and he got permanently grounded. I take it then, being French and what have you, that Mrs Trophyshy has a minge like Deano’s back garden?

Whatever happened to Chez Given? Pardew put him on tilt?

I'm shacked up with a French bird, every day is like 'Allo 'Allo!, with gays instead of Nazis.

Okay, will do. Don't set the kids on me.

Ok 28 goals, to charity.

Stottie cake. What goals are made of.

Don't forget Henri Saivet.

Aye, Mrs Fish is still struggling. Just getting a 10lb baby into the carseat (+ however much that weighs)and into the car is a killer when I'm not around. We'd just leave it the car, but we've a mate who did that overnight and someone stole the car, had a joyride, set it on fire and nicked all the baby stuff was nicked or ruined and not covered by the insurance. So of course that's put the fear in her hormone addled mind that it's guaranteed to happen to us. Had to laugh when, just hours after the little fella was born, wife exhausted and post major-abdominal surgery the midwife came round to talk about contraception... I reckon that screaming monster in the cot is mood killer enough

DM isn't a glamorous position so not much resale opportunities so didn't get one

We could have signed Mbappe and you would still have a cob on tbf

Mrs. Fist had an emergency caesarean for our first nipper, and it was brutal. It took her about 3 months to fully recover from it, all the while worrying her belly was going to burst open. Simple things like walking, getting up from a seat, and shit like that, you’ve got to be there and help her out. Not to mention when you eventually get back to conjugal nastiness, never, EVER, mention the scar. Ever. Still, since the little beast came out of the conservatory window, the minge is still tight as a gnat’s chuff when you eventually get back to it

Howay man woman man

It’s geet canny like. Am ganna dedicate me next ham n pease puddin stottie ter im the morn

He's a crock man he's still a month away now and always breaks down again straight away. It's a nostalgia bribe because as a player he's shot.

It's a disgrace that he hasn't stepped aside at this stage. As much of a god complex as the rest of them.

They’ve missed off the clincher in the deal- two free water features and some shrubs.

He’s set to start banging them in like he was doing when he left, just took the 9 or so years since off.

He left you in 2017, mate.

All we need is 3 worse teams and the job is done - BAU

They’re in for a disappointment and it means much more this time.

Bruce is a tactical genius and great man manager, I'm sure he'll make Krafth work.

Pretty incredible that Labour want an election at this stage. They're going to get fucking rinsed.

Amien to that, brother.

What an article that is, a rare thing these days.

Tbf she gets to spend a lot of time with the bairn and hardly any with Fish so you can understand the rationale

So effectively you have him until bed time, then sleep in your own quiet room whilst the Mrs is up all night with a screaming baby. Then you go to work while she has the baby all day on her own again?