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  1. 9 points
  2. 9 points
  3. 8 points
  4. 8 points
    If you want to watch your side’s Premier League games then this channel is your best bet:
  5. 8 points
  6. 8 points
  7. 8 points
    In World War II the average IQ of the combat soldier was 100. In Parliament Square it was nineteen. N-n-n-n-nineteen.
  8. 8 points
    Are you going to the game once you’ve finished that?
  9. 8 points
    Bentaleg within 2 months.
  10. 7 points
  11. 7 points
    An ex of mine said she would probably shag Pardew which definitely made me feel great. Don't know what she's doing now. Meth, probably.
  12. 7 points
    If Johnson promotes Rishi to Chancellor and appoints a replacement as Chief Secretary to the Treasury, what's the net increase in the size of the Cabinet?
  13. 7 points
    So once again CT is on a duck pizza and Special Brew binge and he’s putting on 3lb week after week after week and is struggling to get into his 32” boot cut jeans. He decides to go on a strict cherry tomato diet and after his first weigh in at Fat Fighters he’s 1lb lighter on the scales. He proudly goes home and declares to the wife he’s lost 4lb (without mentioning that he’s including the 3lb he would have ordinarily put on). Has he actually lost 4lb or is he a tubby little lying cunt?
  14. 7 points
  15. 7 points
  16. 7 points
  17. 7 points
    nee bother with queues in any at the moment I'd wager
  18. 7 points
  19. 7 points
    Breaking; Late bid by new Aussie consortium headed by Lord Lucan.
  20. 7 points
    I for one welcome our new Shania Law overlords. Let's go girls!
  21. 7 points
    Whichever evil murderers buy us, I’d like to see us sponsored by Huawei. It’s a perfect fit. Huawei the lads.
  22. 7 points
    Bit needy that mate, he's just called you a prick
  23. 7 points
    I had a season ticket for 26 years. I gave it up because he's a cunt.
  24. 7 points
    won't believe that until a genuine and thorough breakdown of hoffenheim's accounts are made public. it makes no sense whatsoever. ashley/charnley/barnes have managed to piss off french clubs from lille all the way down to montpellier, (zigzaging their way enroute) with their protracted, penny pinching negotiations to such an extent owners/chairmen have threatened to never deal with newcastle again. they then crossed the border in to the basque region of spain and spent months haggling with eibar for lejeune. can't be arsed to do any reasearch (memory is failing me a bit) but i wouldn't be in the least surprised to discover our dealings with clubs in belgium and holland have lefr their directors traumatised as well. then all of a sudden, completely at odds with everything that's gone before and with seemingly with no competition for joelinton's signature we're led to believe ashley has sanctioned a £40m spend on a player whose ability doesn't even come close to warranting it. the fat cunt must've had a life changing summertime visit from the ghost of jacob marley and all the christmas spirits or a fucking severe bang on his repulsive skull. bizarre and surreal, you couldn't fucking hallucinate it.
  25. 7 points
  26. 6 points
    The size of the backlog at work and this cunt is out doing charity work
  27. 6 points
  28. 6 points
    Imagine you take a job offer paying £50k p.a. having previously earned £19k p.a., but your company only pays you £31k because it turns out the offer included the £19k you no longer receive for your previous... no, it's no good, my heart's not in it
  29. 6 points
    oi oi @Rayvin
  30. 6 points
    Toontastic need to form a partnership with one university so we can get some financial benefit and sack the rest of the unis off. Want to know how any pints we drink on average before the game? Fine. Pound sterling mate.
  31. 6 points
    Still though, 103. No age, that.
  32. 6 points
    West Brom official announcement "Confirmation of our FA Cup fifth-round clash with Newcastle United. Albion’s Emirates FA Cup fifth-round tie against Newcastle United will be played on Tuesday, March 3" "We would like to remind Newcastle supporters The Hawthorns is a windmill-free zone"
  33. 6 points
    All the best for the season lads and lasses,proper cup tie last night 2 teams going at it,its what the FA Cup is all about......now to concentrate on getting promoted
  34. 6 points
  35. 6 points
    I've heard that old soldiers are starting a charity called 'help for hangers-on'. It's a charity that encourages military hangers-on to seek psychiatric help through counselling and medically approved drugs to wean them off their addiction to 'our boys' and images of the Union Jack. Please, if you can, think about donating to this worthy cause. Thank you.
  36. 6 points
    and the rest. in the previous decade or so... kevin keegan, a bloke who for my generation is a god. single handly transformed us a team whilst a player, he then as a manager saved us from relegation to the third division, got us promoted the following season, took us in to europe by finishing third in his first season in the top flight. came agonisingly closing to delivering a title. had us playing the most breathtaking football i've ever seen in over half a century, was a catalyst in generating a feel good factor in an entire city, transforming the ground from a run down demolition site in to one of the finest, most vibrant stadiums in the country, ensured the immediate future generation would be captivated by nufc. ashley treated him like an utter, utter cunt. our supporters response? pack the stadium out for the following game against hull. alan shearer, greatest goalscorer in newcastle's history. treated like an utter, utter cunt by ashley. humiliated and ignored, refused permission to have a statue erected in his honour on club property and renamed shearer's bar under the gallowgate. st james' park. stamped all over the heritage of the club by renaming the ground the sports direct arena. plastered advertising boards for possibly the most tackiest, morally bankrupt company in the country from the foundations to the roof. neglected any meaningful maintenance in it other than on his own eyesore adverts. sold the land the club owns behind the gallowgate to ensure the stadium cannot be extended and the ground will be obliterated from the skyline. refused any kind of investment in to the training facilities or academy ensuring both remain a laughing stock and are light years behind that of our destitute third division neighbours. treated a thoroughly decent and likeable bloke in chris hughton like an utter, utter cunt and replaced him with alan pardew. in alan pardew's first interview he lied and stated he hadn't been approached by the club prior to hughton's sacking. followed that by giving pardew an 8 year contract to be his mouthpiece for a whole host of further lies and a concerted effort to lower expectations by stating we we weren't in a position to compete with clubs not fit to lace our boots. ensured two self inflicted relegation by his own mismanagement. the former of which was by employing his mate joe kinnear, the latter steve maclaren. as well as presiding over several near misses. a scandalous record in cup competitions. employ lee charnley. doubled the club debt. decimated the clubs commercial revenue. overseen the club being raided by hmrc and being subjected to an ongoing investigation by them. plastered the front of our strips with the logo of a company which was arguably the only one in the country at the time who could compete with his own for being the most reprehensible in the country. hit the jackpot by having a decorated and dignified bloke like rafa benitez approach him to manage the club. his response being to lie to him continuously, refuse all reasonable requests for investment and blank him during supposed contract negotiations. replace benitez with a never-has-been dinosaur in steve bruce who has extremely questionable morals. make him the lowest paid and most grateful to be in his position manager in the country. stick him in front of the cameras to be the mouthpiece for yet more ashley lies and nauseatingly see through pr. follow the failed sunderland method of bringing in loan signing after loan signing rather than proper investment in the team. further follow the failed sunderland method of giving away thousands of free tickets to portray a genuine interest in a failing product. it just goes on and on and on man. it's fucking laughable that 30,000 people are happy to not only pay to have their arse dry fucked by the repulsive fat cunt, but will defend the piece of human scum too. another decade? we've got the cunt till he departs this mortal coil and it's what the 52000 braindead morons in SJP yesterday deserve. and yes Kid Dynamite, i very much include you in that, you fucking cretinous twat.
  37. 6 points
    Well I’m off to join the IRA.
  38. 6 points
  39. 6 points
    Rayvin, I mean this in the nicest way but you must be a fucking nightmare ordering food.
  40. 6 points
  41. 6 points
    "May I ask who is responsible for the preponderance of these common Gaels within this community?"
  42. 5 points
    My old man has been very ill lately, tried everything, even alternative medicine- he spent weeks covering himself in duck fat. It hasn’t worked… he’s gone downhill really fast.
  43. 5 points
  44. 5 points
    Country has gone, lad can’t even get his cock and balls out in front of men, women, children and the tv cameras anymore. Everyone knew a flasher when I was a kid, and that’s how I liked it.
  45. 5 points
  46. 5 points
    I hope everyone who gets hard ons gets fucked.
  47. 5 points
    That won’t be a problem. Your team has to have the ball in order for you to give it away....
  48. 5 points
    Tree Shrubbery Bush Bush Shrubbery Water feature Fire Pit Bush Box Hedge. Rockery. Gnome.
  49. 5 points
    So, I'm off to my MSc graduation at York University today. This all arose after a casual chat with Chez Given in Tilley's some 11 years ago. Mad how time flies. (The reason it took so long was there was a 7 year gap in the middle where my work refused to fund me).
  50. 5 points
    No need for that, he was only asking.

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