Howmanheyman

"I am the still wandering spirit of the poor bastard budgie that had the misfortune to end up in boldon with CT and now rests in pieces in the ground under his rancid outdoor settee. TBD, well done with my hawk cousins, I hope they get the chance of a great life unlike the purgatory I had living with multi-hobby man who fed me the wrong bait and killed me off all because he couldn't be arsed to Google my diet. Tell wor lass the money's in the tin and I love her and my little budgies."

Does this Felix lad say stuff like 'el catedral en la montaña', Diego? If so I think he has an English cousin...... '¡Hola, mis apostadores leales!'

Is there some sort of graphs for the 'errrmm, well, errrmm' comments from Charlotte? (Asking for wykiki).

Minds? Box?

Apparently shite?

I'd do it but instead of a zoom call or whatever they can talk to me on the phone and put a pic on their screen like this while I blow them out of the water answering their questions on NUFC......

Why? You'd think they'd be yewsed to losing their absolute, beloved favourite evah star strikers to Palace. Pretty sure Gabbiadini and Sewpa Kev left them for selhurst park.

Of course Tyne and Wear exists. We had to get them to pay for the airport and the mag-etro after all.

The second division aristocrats, the Barcelona of the EFL know the real deal when they see it, their players, yes, our second player to get a call up to the actual Brazil squad, not so much.

Bizarre article, brings Bolton into it, said there might be reasons why it's better for them to remain in greater Manchester but says he couldn't be arsed to look into it. Sums them up, especially with Brexit.

MLFs score better goals on a Sunday morning down the park than any motd contenders, they're even better goals if it's a mag team they're playing. They're truly awesome all round.

DLYP

Jackie Oatley.

Alreet, we got it the first time.

Next season it's Carabao cup Miggy.

He couldn't finish his breakfast. Works hard but those goals were definitely the exception not the rule.

Birtles just likes to moan, I notice he's managed to give up saying 'dear me'. Well they've scored so now he can call our lot.

3,000 away fans going mental and all you can hear is a few hundred Chelsea fans? Looks like the mysterious disappearing microphones at arsenal has moved across London.

I'm sorry, I couldn't past the cockney geezer saying he wasn't as diplomatic as other pundits then going on to say his biggest achievement was getting to the championship. I wish Howe had've said, 'Sorry, who is this, again?'

What a knob.

Doing old friends a favour plus keeping everyone on it and match fit. His only problem might be players pulling out of tackles.

We'll see soon enough. Hopefully we twat them.

Probably be a defeat, plenty of changes, not much to play for, Chelsea at home trying to make some sort of amends for a joke season. Always think the home team wins on the final game of the season when there's nothing at stake.