Howmanheyman

Brucie's bonus press conference Lee Marshall: "OK folks, you know the drill, no takeover questions, no Mike Ashley questions and keep it clean, please, after all, we aren't Joe Kinnear! OK, Newcastle United manager....Steve Bruce!" Steve Bruce: "Hi everyone, pleased to meet you all again." Chris Waugh: "Hi Steve, how does...." Knight Ryder: "Cough, fucking cough!.....(glares at Waugh)....Welcome to the Toon, Brucey. Trinity Mirror regional sports writer of the year, Lee Ryder here, How does it feel to be back wor kid?" SB: "It feels great to be honest, I've always loved Newcastle as they were my boyhood club. Growing up as a Geordie it was my dream to play for them. In fact I can't think of anyone in here more Geordie than myself to be honest with you! Hahaha." Knight Ryder: "What aboot me? Ah was a toon army footsoldier long before ah was a shit hot award winning sports journalist. Are you more Geordie than me?" SB: "Where you from, son?" Knight Ryder: "Seaton Delaval." SB: "Hahaha. I'm definitely more Geordie than you, sonna. I'm from Daisy Hill in Walker, as a kid if you were on a bike it was either stolen or in danger of being stolen. We weren't poshies from the coast!" Luke Edwards: "Is it true you personally transformed the career of a young Andy Robertson, the Liverpool full back and Klopp has you to thank for Liverpool's fantastic champions league winning season?" SB: "Well that's very kind of you, Luke....." Knight Ryder: "So how many times did you wag it from school then, Walker hardman?" Lee Marshall: "One at a time, please gentleman!" SB: "Well, ah helped Andy out but I'm sure Jurgen had a bit to do with it as well. Also ah wagged it about twenty times." Knight Ryder: "Twenty? Is that it? Ah wagged it about thirty times all through school, wor kid. How's that Geordie asseseman, err, assismin, err working going now, like?" SB: "Twenty times in just the 2nd year of Benfield school, kidda." John Carver: "ARE YOU MORE G...G...GEORDIE THAN ME! EH? AHLL TEK ANY CUNT ON! (HIC!) FUCK YIZ AHLL. AH SHOULD BE UP THERE, (HIC), UP THERE!" LM: "Hi security! Lee Marshall here, can someone please escort JC back down to the kitchens, please. Think he's been siphoning off the guests whisky again. Cheers." George Caulkin: "How much of the decision to take the job was based on your parents being from here?" SB: "Well it played a part, I couldn't have....." Knight Ryder: "That was just in the juniors! Twenty times in the juniors! Ask Mala, he'll tell ya!" SB: "Err, I couldn't have made it without the support of my folks." Keith Downie: "Understand reports say that Mike Ashley will give you a £100M war chest. How much was his backing and steadying the ship as well as being a sound businessman a factor in you taking the job?" SB: "Obviously a big part but I've full control of the club transfers and everything." Lee Marshall: "Sorry, everyone..... (Whispers).....Steve, Lee Charnley says he'll agree to a pay-as-you-play deal for Carroll and that's all you can have. Carr's doing the rest." SB: "For fucks sake, err, I mean Lee charnley's trying to get a couple of my targets as we speak. Hopefully can get them over the line." Lee Marshall: "Ok folks, that's it for today, well see you next time." Knight Ryder: "How many tabs did you smoke at school, then? Eh? Eh How many....?" Lee Marshall: "Sorry, Lee, that's all for now." Knight Ryder: "Laters."

Football genius strikes again.

Reporting you to the NSPCC, mate. (You mustn't love your nephew treating him to Ashley's gruel).

U ok, babes? DM me. (I'll not @ JC)

He's an absolute tit this sky lad. I appreciate he may be limited to what he can and can't say so in those circumstances keep your gob shut or be cute about it. He comes out with shit and doesn't like the criticism, he's a fucking big bairn and then posts a pic of him as an actual bairn reading a programme as a programme cover as if that absolves him of everything. Carver talks shit and was terrible at his job, Amoeba was largely shit and only got runs in the side when we had no good strikers available so why he thinks anyone is going to say 'oh well, I was totally against it but if Amoeba, Nolan or 'JC' (Btw, nobody calls him that, Pete, apart from his mates or arselickers in the media), say it's great then that's good enough for me. Howay the lads!' As the Egyptian yank says, if Beardsley or Moncur can deservedly get stick, then these knackers must have big fucking delusions if they think they can't? (And when a bloke who does presenting on SSN thinks being a fan makes him any less of a target for talking shite he must be worse again! Tbf, I blame social media arselickers amongst our support for giving him that impression, 'Pete what d'ya reckon, mate?' 'Take no notice, pete, mate', etc. Fucking mongs, he's not going to invite you out for a pint and introduce you to kirsty Gallacher whilst she slips her telephone number in your jeans pocket). Wanker.

Amoeba can fuck off and John Charver was probably licking his lips as he'll have been promised a job painting the fences at the training ground or something for his pro-Bruce interview.

..... Send out the clowns.... ( at the lad talking to the telly telling them to fuck off, as you do).

Here's one for 'wor hyem' if Bruce signs seeing they like some shit songs.... Stevie Bruce! Stevie Bruce! Stevie, Stevie Bruce! If he gets the job he wants a truce, Stevie, Stevie Bruce! Stevie Bruce! Stevie Bruce! Stevie, Stevie Bruce! When he walks up stairs, his face goes puce, Stevie, Stevie Bruce!

at the Twitter thread and Ryder. Comparing Gibson and Ryder, (Ryder claimed to have said similar ), is like comparing Beckenbauer with Darren Bradshaw. When Gibson's on song he's a great listen/read and he certainly likes lubricating his throat as well.

I've got 6 days for calling someone else a cunt. Mental when you see the borderline fruitlubes posting to their hearts content.

'Damp squid' dedicated to CT.

Plumbing new depths and the new season already a damp squid thanks to the football genius who's finally got this football lark sorted.

Spot on. Hall even alluded to it very early on that he'd use NUFC as a vehicle for his business. He's sucking NUFC dry and been diminishing it from day one and when there's nothing left to suck dry he'll wind it up and move on squeezing the last dregs out of it to chancers like the Del boy characters at Sunderland.

The chronicle is an absolute joke. The diary piss take doesn't get done without any material to work with let's be honest.

I think he didn't give two shiny shites what would happen under Ashley as long as he got his last NUFC pay day.