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Geordie was having coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe> > when a Scottish tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him.

Geordie politely ignored the Scotsman who nevertheless started up a conversation.

The Scotsman snapped his gum and said "Do you English people eat the whole bread?"

Geordie frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied "Of course".

The Scotsman blew a huge bubble."We don't. In Scotland we only eat whats inside. We collect the crusts in a container, recycle them, transform them into croissants and sell them to England".

The Scotsman had a smirk on his face.


Geordie listened in silence. The Scotsman persisted. "Do you eat jam with the bread?"

Sighing, Geordie replied "Of course."

Cracking his gum between his teeth, the Scotsman said, "We don't. In Scotland we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds and leftovers in containers, recycle them , transform them into jam and sell it to England."

Geordie then asked "Do you have sex in Scotland?" The Scotsman smiled and said, "Why of course we do and not just with pigs." Geordie leaned closer to him and asked,

"And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

"We throw them away of course."


Now it was Geordie's turn to smile.

"We don't.

In England, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to Scotland.

"Why do you think it's called Wrigley's?!!"

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The Welsh Mountain Zoo in Colwyn Bay, North Wales had acquired a female of a very rare species of sheep.


Within a few weeks, the sheep became very cantankerous and difficult to handle.


Upon examination, the Zoo vet determined the problem - the sheep was on heat. To make matters worse, there were no male sheep of the species available.


While reflecting on their problem, the Zoo management noticed Bubba, a big lad, responsible for fixing the Zoo's machinery.


Bubba had little sense, but seemed to be possessed with ample ability to satisfy a female of ANY species. So, the Zoo Administrators thought they might have a solution.


Bubba was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to sleep with the sheep for 500 pounds?


Bubba showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.


The following day, Bubba announced that he would accept their offer, only under three conditions:


"First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her."


"Secondly, you must never tell anyone about this."


The Zoo management quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what his third condition was.


"Well," said Bubba........ "Could you give me another week to come up with the 500 quid?"

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