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Deep Woke 😂

"Off to BENNAZ again with mam and dad. Got a suitcase full of stiffy pills cos you just never know when you might need to firm things up down there IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN"

You called?

If Carlsberg did U-turns.

https://www.theplayerstribune.com/posts/dear-england-01f798yfraha/amp?__twitter_impression=true

Looks like a fucking pyjama set from TK Maxx.

Blatantly visiting the moors to check none of your burial sites have been disturbed.

I have always been a big fan of Keegan and did enjoy most of his stint as England manager too.

(I did actually forget about Keegan but am I fuck about to take a step backwards on this)

"Over a decade on the United beat as me old mentor, Olly called it, trinity mirror group regional sports journalist of the year, spots on talksport, verbal jewelling with the man who would be king, Pards but nar, can't be dicing with journalistic death with the punters champion, can't risk trying to better the man they all ring for gold plated NUFC stories and ex-player anekdowt, anniken, err, old tales, nar, takes the easy option with a glorified YouTube promoter and actor fucking Wraith!!! At least when ah talk to ex-players it's purely for me puntas who queue up on a teatime for their NUFC fix in the flagship paper of Thomson House rather than massaging a goatee bearded ego. Fuck them, ah've Got Steve Watson on the blower tonight talking about THAT somersault throw in at ayresome park which is EXACTLY what my loyal readers want to read whilst a split arse ah've never heard of can only interview the Ring-piece Wraith! Lol. Laters."

Hahahahahahhaah Morata Kill us.

Might become a Denmark fan

This is my story I'd like to think I had a hand getting Thomas McRocklin in the right place at the right time. In 1988 I was at a gig at the City Hall I was looking through the Chronicle during the interval & an advert intrigued me "Junior Jimi Hendrix at the Percy Arms" I went along this was on the Thursday night before Donington which was on the Saturday. I went along & was amazed to see this little kid he was 10 playing a 7 string Ibanez Gem Floral. The only one I'd seen was in the Kerrang & Steve Vai played it. I got talking to Thomas's dad John & said I was going to Donington & it was a shame he wasnt going as Steve Vai was playing in David Lee Roth's band. I was that impressed I gave Thomas my Van Halen t shirt I was wearing saying if your going to be a rock star you'll need a good t shirt. I shook hands with his dad & wished them both well. So that was it or so I thought. A few months later I was watching a programme on heavy metal on tv & right at the end was some footage of Thomas playing at the Moira Arms in Donington village. A few weeks later will reading the Kerrang there was a picture of Steve Vai & Thomas. It turned out his dad took my advice & they drove to Donington on the Friday managed to get Thomas set up in the pub & while was playing a couple of Steve Vais roadies were watching. They arranged for John & Thomas to meet Vai backstage at Vai's caravan Thomas plug his guitar in & Vai was blown away. Eventually Thomas was taken over to America were he featured in the video for The audience is Listening which was played loads on MTV. Eventually Vai got some other talented kids together & formed a band Bad 4 Good. Vai made sure Thomas was looked after he got a deal with Ibanez. I've since spoken with Thomas and when I told him the story he was amazed because he said that's exactly how things happened. He told me Vai was very generous with his time & gifts. He sent Thomas a gold disc for the album Passion & Warfare. He gave him the actual guitar on the album cover. He also gave him the flame guitar that was featured in David Lee Roths " Going Crazy" video. I'd like to think I played a small part in pointing him in the right direction 😁

Health Secretary following the pattern for the last lot of PMs whereby they’ve somehow managed to achieve the impossible in being progressively worse than the predecessors

PL solely existing on a pasta and red wine diet from now until Sunday. Should buy a moped while you’re at it

Morata is fucking terrible A proper pillow-footed piss artist

I see TGQ has moved from crypto into NFTs.

This post aged well

I love Unionist politicians.

I’d like to see Toonpack making a complaint about pizzas…

Mouse, they call you Chinese mouse.

He was still likeable for his honesty, integrity and realising what a little fraud Michael Owen was

Oh Gemmill, man.

It hasn’t really become polarised. Unless you think showing some pragmatism and keeping some restrictions for now whilst opening up is the exact opposite of doing absolutely nothing and pretending cases aren’t rocketing for ideological reasons whilst ignoring scientific advice. It’s a bit like interviewing a virologist then getting Right Said Fred’s views for ‘balance’.

The risk of it mutating somewhere else is much higher with you lot carrying it into undervaccinated countries.

The government had a chance to stop the worst excesses of the delta varient by closing the air border with India at the point when they put Pakistan and Bangladesh on the red list. They didn't do it till 3 weeks later during which time 20k people came in from India. This is because Johnson wants a decent trade deal with India to make up for the shit show caused by Brexit. Now the same man is suggesting we drop all restrictions just as the cases of the varient he let into the country en masse are rocketing. I don't trust him, he's made a cunt of this at every single point during the last 16 months. Now you're just going along with it when there are perfectly sound scientific and medical grounds for keeping certain restrictions in place. It's got disaster written all over it again, anyone with an ounce of common sense can see it....

Oh dear....Gareth isn't enough of a flagshagger for the tories 😅😅😅

It’s good to see that, as we fully reopen, half the bars in the Newcastle area are closing due to COVID outbreaks amongst members of staff

That’s one person less on Priti Patel’s Christmas card list.

Maybe David Icke is right after all and it’s because the virus doesn’t affect reptiles. The stupidity if your ruling class gets more absurd every day.

Oh Fuck. Thanks for cheering me up. In all seriousness, you MF and PL seem to be mates. You're like money pyrhon, the guys from Royston vasey, or Nev, Dennis and Oz (you're the latter ). If you guys get together sometime, let me know, so I can make a beeline to the other part of town. 👍

Things are bad when I want Morata on.

This article appears to just present the information on both sides. In fact it's not especially clear on the benefit of opening up other than sending children back to school and keeps referring to it as a big gamble. I'm curious about the logic there a bit though, given kids will be on summer holidays soon anyway - so effectively back at home either way. Why has the BBC not listed any other positives? Presumably there's a huge economic benefit to opening back up as well? In fact I would have thought that was the primary driver, how bizarre that they'd give a solitary example of a benefit. That's got nothing to do with the argument mind you, just fucking weird from the BBC. But to take the article in good faith, the claim is that we should be the guinea pig for the rest of the world by opening back up because the worst case estimates of doing so are that we end up with 1000 hospital admissions every day by the end of summer, and we believe that the NHS can cope with that on the basis that it's no more than what we'd expect during winter as a consequence of the flu. That on its own isn't enough for me, but that's more on the pathetic writing in the article than the actual reality of the argument. When you put the hospital admissions against a context of economic benefit, then the picture may be enough to convince me that we should do this. It's a shame they've not bothered to make that case. Assuming you're armed with the facts on the estimated weekly cost of continuous lockdowns or some manner of economic measure of the harm it's doing, I could potentially see how you got to where you are. Unless your metric is also children being able to go to school again which would be fine I guess but I wouldn't agree that it's all that important at this stage in the academic year.

It must be difficult for the likes of Johnson to believe Southgate was able to construct an essay on his own tbh. It’s not like it’s something he’s ever done

Delta's old skool, we're onto Lambda now

Aye, he's a good cunt

I was on the tube last Friday and as well as noting the "seat gap" rules were now being ignored compared with a month ago, of the six people sitting opposite me, 4 were rocking the mask not covering their nose look so I think there's a tendency towards non-compliance anyway. In general I think they've miscalculated in thinking everybody will embrace "normality" and the economy will be boosted - a lot of nervous/sensible people will simply not go into shops or bars with no masks or distancing if they feel uncomfortable and it could actually reduce footfall.

Verbal jewelling

There's a resemblance no doubt and not just the accent. (Vicky obviously not the current Mrs PL these days).

He said there's no obvious endpoint to do it and nobody screamed "how about when every fucker's vaccinated! ".

Woah whoah woah. I said with his mates

Are you not entertained?

I think I'll pick and choose when they say we don't have to wear them any more. One of the tabloids needs to make badges for people that work in indoor establishments. One that says "Yes cunt, I would rather you wore a mask" and one that says "I couldn't give a fuck, I am over this shit". That way I'll know which way to go.

My lass got the call at 10pm on Friday to say they were closing the bubble for her class cos of 5 positive tests. All kids self isolating, and that she, despite having tested negative all week on lateral flows, and being double jabbed, has to stop in the house until a week today. Went for a PCR test on Saturday, also negative, but caught in this ridiculous situation where she has to stop at home. You can totally understand why people are getting pissed off about it. I mean I've had to go to the post office AND to a parcel collection place ON HER BEHALF and there's still a fucking week to go. Nobody thinks of the hapless husband, do they.

Someone needs to put the opening theme from The Professionals over the clip.

made all the more tragic by the fact that they were hardly particularly generous in the first place.