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I stopped reading after this bare faced lie.

I think he's worth more than that to us. He can cover RB, LW, RW, CF, is no bother and doesn't moan about being on bench. If we get Perez level money for him then he might be worth selling, but we wouldn't be able to replace him like for like for £15m

I don't even work as an accountant. I'm qualified, but I ditched it cos who wants to to tick off their life one month end at a time. What I'm telling you is, I threw away the qualification that ewerk couldn't get.

Fuck me, he thinks he's Jesus now!! "And lo, I sayeth unto you, I lift up the permanently dissabled before you and warn of the dangers of partaking in the sin over exuberance, it is better to sanctify yourself in the holy statistics than to necketh pints" gemmillisians 34.2 (xP)

The Jim Bowen of Toontastic.net

I've just met all the people who agree with you

They say the funniest comedy always has some truth about it. Cunt.

Don't worry. The divorce rate is 42% so you've got a good chance you'll see a few more.

The levels of accountancy denial here is akin to Tommy Robinson's views of the holocaust. Stand up and be proud oh accountants of toontastic. someone's got to do it, and we are thankful it is you.

I've got two mates that have come back from stag do's permanently disabled. One spinal injury, now in a wheelchair for life, the other brain injury, also in a wheelchair. Not to put a downer on your weekend ( ) but take care!

This lad here is one of my old workmate’s grandsons. Poor kid is from Blyth , absolutely worships BDB, who has gone over and above with this initiative, according to said mate.

5-0. Gordon hattrick. Mainoo nominated for puskas and ballon'dor.

'zombie paintballing' ✅

Wyki the fun vacuum.

Gets back to his old home town and the nostalgia almost overwhelms him, he takes a deep breath and shouts out unashamedly to all who can hear him..... "Int Burnleh BRILLIANT!!!" Half an hour later...... ......When's the flight back to New Zealand, again, love?"

In an Athletic piece about Liverpool's hunt for a new wide player.

I just went around the town with mates, no daft costumes or anything, (well, dress sense might've been iffy on a few but that was normal) the only lasting medical effect I suffered from and still do at times is a painful headache brought on by the missus finding out and occasionally mentioning the stripper my mates hired on the sly who got naked and pulled my Steve McQueens down and spanked my arse in the club before we went over to the town. First pint as well, damned if you go along, damned if you don't!* * Of course I went along, I'm not some type of accountant or something.

Gemmill doing a cracking job at illustrating the absurdity of xP.

2023/24 Newcastle United Player of the Year is Anthony Gordon. Well done that man. He's been superb. I'm so glad that I was wrong about him ( when we first bought him)

Shaw being fucked again doesn't hurt. Hopefully Ten Hag gives Casemiro a crack at left back.

“Can you point to the page where the bad man made you enter a false amount? “

I hate them personally. I also just don't get how people can afford to spend so much money travelling to places as far away as Prague etc or even Las Vegas for them. Boring maybe but I'd much rather go on a city break with my family, not that I can afford to. It's true though once in your 40s wedding and stag do's tend to end, few people would have a stag for a second marriage (need to ask Gemmill about that). Then, you hit 50s and suddenly its all funerals.

Funnily enough I spotted this reg in front of me yesterday and wondered why the fuck someone has paid actual money for it.

Just typical of top-down thinking. Outmoded ideas that people only work hard when in the office, or that emails= productivity. I'm at my most productive when I'm at home getting on with the fucking job, not sending an email to Mike to see if he fancies a brew in 10 minutes. *disclaimer I'm never particularly productive.

I was sat beside two massive Kiwis on the flight from Singapore to London. For 13 1/2 hours I was pressed against the window like the last commuter squeezed on the Japanese underground.

A bunch of accountants pretending they aren’t accountants. Couldn’t be more accountant-like.

That's accrual statement.

Accountants have fun. I've never met one that does but im sure there is one out there.

It's not surprising, he doesn't play for one of the clubs who must not be ignored.

Help! The Fred and Rose West of Toontastic are upon me!

Bayern won the argument

This is why the loan update thread isn't being updated

Last day of work and then I'm hopping on a plane to...England. Great. 28 hours on planes and 10 in airports, just fucking kill me now.

My mate is a lumberjack so last Christmas I got him a watch. An’ a log.

6:30 is the best time actually; hands down.

The little kids' faces in the celebrations are class.

Say what you like about Israel - and I agree to a point with Renton - but this is antisemitism. It’s massively on the rise in “progressive” Europe, and is no longer confined to the far right. She’s a singer representing her country in the Eurovision Song Contest ffs. For all we know she’s as appalled at what is going on in Gaza as the rest of us.

Can often just refer to a customer at the local kebab shop

@Meenzer has entered the chat

You'd never catch me in sandals.