Jonny_nufc
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Posts
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Posts posted by Jonny_nufc
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That went down well
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Teacher in class ask's the kids''who said,We will fight them in the air and on the beaches?''
A Paki puts his hand up and replies''Churchill,Miss,1940''.
''Fuck off home you Paki Cunt''
''Who was that?'' Shouts the Teacher.
The voice replied''Enoch Powell 1965''
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Sorry repost.
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So.. start another thread then LOL...PKB
erm, aye.. i felt the need to point out how rediculous it was.
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Forgot to mention the 36 page long argument over which is better, brilliant.
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Squabbling like bairns over which forum is best
Trying to point out the shit points of rival message boards and making threads about it in hope of a bite from 'rival' posters
You bunch of geeks tbh.
Keep it going though its entertaining
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Why arnt we trying to sign 'em?
He's fucking class and available for nowt. i dont understand it.
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Biggest over reaction ever
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& He's not arsed about the venue.
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Thompson told me to tell you lot he would be in attendance,
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An out of work pianist with Tourettes Syndrome is strolling around the
streets and bars of Soho one unemployed afternoon.
Walking down Dean Street, he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window
'Pianist wanted for evening performances'.
"Fu**ing get in there you c*nt!" he says to himself and goes to the bar.
"Get the fu**ing manager of this pigs*it middle class w*nkhole please you
c*nt", he says to a somewhat startled barman.
The barman however obliges and his manager comes upstairs. "Can I help you
sir?" he says "Yes you can you fat piece of s*it, I saw your poxy advert in
the c*nting window and I'm here to audition......w*nker."
The manager is naturally put off by the man's abrasive manner but his dire
need for a top class pianist forces him to agree to an audition.
The first tune the Pianist plays is an uplifting jazzy number, not too
involving, yet utterly melodic. At the end the thrilled barman cries,
"Wonderful, wonderful. What was that called?"
"That song, you big nosed tw*t, was called "Excuse me prime minister but I
just j*zzed in your daughter's eye, and now the c*nt's blind..."
"Oh" says the manager...err, can you play me another. Something a little
less 'lively'".
"W*nker" interjects the pianist before launching into a powerful ballad that
leaves the manager in tears. The manager through his salty teardrops asks
him the title. "That little number was called 'Sometimes when you do a bird
up the sh*t box you get cr*p on your bell end'".
"I see" says the manager, "Have you got any songs with less offensive
titles?" "Well there's my jazz number 'Do you want me to split your
r*ngpiece', or there's the epic 'I don't care if you're older my dear,
you've still got nice jugs'".
"Look" says the manager interrupting, "I think you're a superb pianist but
the title of your songs are a little racy.
I will hire you on the condition that you do not introduce your songs or
speak to the audience".
"F*ck it" says the pianist "Why not".
On his first night everything is going superbly the crowd is lapping up his
repertoire and his silence is being received as modesty. The only thing
putting off the pianist is that in the front row there is a gorgeous blonde
in a black evening dress with a split up the side revealing the tops of her
stockings, and a plunging neckline which boasts a proud and inviting
cleavage.
During the interval the pianist has got such a stonking hard on that he
decides to go to the bog and knock one out. Just as he has shot his load he
hears himself being re-introduced over the tannoy, so he rushes back to the
stage and finishes his act.
After the show he is at the bar relaxing when the blonde approaches him.
"Hi" she says. "Hello" he winces, struggling to hold in the expletives. She
leans over and whispers in his ear, "Do you know your c*ck is hanging out of
your trousers and sp*nk is dribbling onto your shoes?"
Placing his beer confidently on the bar, the pianist grins, looks her square
in the eye and yells........... "Know it?" - "I f*cking wrote it!!!"
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and another..............
Three men died on wintersville Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honour of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes wintersville to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said. You may pass through the pearly gates, said Saint Peter.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.He shook them and said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's knickers. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just how do those symbolize wintersville?"
The man replied, "They're Carols."
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Read through all that and
bunch of geeks 'tbh' -
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MSN Fucked?
in General Chat
Posted
Fucked for me aye.