OTF

Douche. He's a far better defender than he is getting forward. His first touch isn't great, though he is hard to dispossess. I'll assume you mean 'He and Jonas' there, and ask if you've actually watched any Newcastle games? The majority of our possession is down our left hand side and together the two of them are very good at keeping possession and frustrating opposing teams into giving away free-kicks. Combined their crossing isn't fantastic, but they have still created a fair few goals. The amount of free-kicks and corners that we win down our left is massive. Add to that that we've scored quite a few off these sort of set pieces (largely when we had Carroll) and that shows their true value. Two young defenders on 25k per week will be shit, there's no two ways about it. We already have enough shit defenders and certainly don't need any more to clog up our bench and reserve team. You may not be aware of this, but you can only have 11 players on the pitch so it doesn't really matter how many cheap, shit, average, or even semi-decent players you have in your team, if you can't field a premiership quality first 11 then you won't be in the premier league for long. I, however have made a critical mistake by trying to make a point against a fucking idiot.

This thread is such a waste of what is actually interesting information.

Jonas was a class above the rest of our team today. The amount of corners and free-kicks that he earned was insane. Barton's set pieces were horrible. Williamson did not have a good game, but that was not a penalty. Suarez felt a brush of contact from behind and went down softly. His piss-poor headed clearance for their first was horrible, but he is incredibly inexperienced at this level, so to some degree there has to be some leeway given for him to get that experience and improve. Coloccini leaving his leg in earlier in the game could easily have been a penalty, but wasn't because that time Suarez stayed on his feet - cancelling that out was what should have been a penalty for Ameobi. It was a lazy effort from pretty much the rest of the team. Ameobi and Lovenkrands might as well have not been out there at all (Lovenkrands in particular). It smacked of a we, don't really care about this game at all performance from many of our players, especially our lack of tracking and general laziness in defense. It was stupid of Pardew to come out and say that we're safe, even if he thought that we were. If that's the case there's pretty much nothing left to play for.

Welcome. What are you doing whilst you're here? Fist has it bang on the money. Sydney until tomorrow, then Perth for a week. Freakin' horrible weather though Yeah the weather has been an absolute disgrace here. My game is off this weekend because of all the rain. What have you seen while you've been here? I just got back from a week on the Gold Coast to make the weather here seem even more ordinary. It's not normally this wet this time of year.

Worth a look if he's happy to play in a wider position. ...and if Spurs miss out on a Champions League spot they'll absolutely have to shed some of their midfielders. He looks like he'd be one of the first to go.

I find myself wondering whether one (hopefully) very good striker at 15-20M would be better than getting two at 7-10M each. Then I realise who the owners is and just end up hoping that we go with either of the options. I think it's more likely that we'll get one or two average strikers at up to 5M each. In the end they won't be much better than what we've already got, so it will effectively be money wasted.

Welcome. What are you doing whilst you're here?

Couldn't resist after Stevie mentioned he'd have Dani Alves in his. If you had to name a full side of absolute twats, who would be in it? The great thing about this category is that the reason why they are cvnts is entirely in the eye of the beholder, so feel free to justify it in any way you like. I'll get started on mine. Dida - The reaction from this complete bell-end to a tap from a Celtic supporter was cringe worthy. John Terry - True definition of wanker. So completely full of himself that I could see him having a larger than life photograph of himself in the entry of his house. Robert Huth - Dirty dirty cheat, who I can't forgive for his stomp on Shearer's groin (Shearer's Mrs may have an alternate take). Ashely Cole - Need I go on? Phil Neville - Despite not being a particularly good footballer thinks he is great. If he was at a smaller club he'd be just another slow fullback. Nigel de Jong - High Fiving team mates after breaking someones leg with a bad tackle. CVNT. Steven Gerrard - Absolute cock, diving prick, wears his shorts too high, thinks way too highly of himself. The most cvntworthy thing about him by far is the way in which he attempts to influence the referee by getting in their face. Ashley Young - Calling him a soft touch complaining bitch would be putting it nicely. There's worse divers out there, but the way this guy reacts moves him into this makeshift side. Cristiano Ronaldo - Possibly the only person in the world who could make John Terry appear humble. El Hadji Diouf - Possibly the most hateable player in world football. Dirty, spitting, cheating grub of a human being. Didier Drogba - Blatant cheat, not afraid to have a sulk if things aren't going his way. Still pisses me off to this day the way he moved a free-kick against us and consequently scored the match winning goal. Bench: Michael Owen - Not good enough to be in the first team, but playing 25 minutes in this side is better than earning your money elsewhere. The worst kind of cvnt, smug little injury prone bastard. Robbie Savage - Too shit to make the starting 11, but an absolute cvnt nonetheless. Chris Morgan - Sheffield United defender also too shit to make the starting side. Complete and utter dick, dirty as they come and just looks like an absolute cvnt. Kevin Muscat - See above, except an even bigger cvnt. Rivaldo - That dive clutching his face in the World Cup was a complete and utter embarrassment takes the cake in terms of simulation particularly when you consider the stage upon which it was enacted. Wayne Rooney - Self obsessed ugly ginger troll.

That's not exactly great news considering he's only 25. Whenever he does get an injury it's invariably hamstring so it does make sense, I guess he has the sort of build that's conducive to hamstring problems. You'd have to think that there would be specialists out there who could assist if that was the case.

End of Season reports, I find, are best left for the end of the season, but I must say that even allowing for your optimism and blind faith belief in whatever 'the club' says you've come across as naive there. If I was to give a mark up until this point I'd give the Boardroom a D. Can't believe anything they say, and they always have an ulterior motive. Absolutely cannot be trusted, which is one thing that is essential in a successful lasting relationship between a board and the supporters. The treatment of Hughton is particular was testament to their lies and mismanagement. The nature and happenings in the sale of Andy Carroll serve to further emphasise this. On the subject of the Manager, Chris Hughton did a fantastic job of bringing the team back into the premiership. He did make some overly cautious team selections, and was slow in general with making changes during matchs. Ultimately on the balance of everything he did a great job worthy of praise. B+ Putting aside the whole sacking of Hughton and the involvement of the board, if you evaluate Pardew on his time here then he has done quite well. It has to be noted that he came into a squad with high spirits, which is not the usual case for an incoming manager. Nonetheless there wasn't much of an issue during the handover phase and in some ways he seems more likely to play attacking teams. Has made his share of interesting decisions in terms of formations (three centre backs notably) and team selections (switching Simpson to left back to play Saylor on the right) but overall he's done well and I'd give him a B. The Team. They certainly have provided some entertaining matches, and recorded some fantastic results. At the other end of the spectrum there has been some absolutely horrid performances as well. Only a few of these were down to the extreme lightness of our squad in particular positions, which is something that you cannot blame the players for (another detractor in the direction of the board). Some players have really stood out as fantastic - Tiote, Enrique, and Coloccini in particular. Joey Barton has had some excellent spells, which have had the gloss taken off them somewhat by some poor performances and some typically stupid Barton 'play' (Against Blackburn and MGP). Jonas has had a good season, as a virtual ever present in the side. Danny Simpson has overall impressed, but has some work to do. Kevin Nolan as a leader has been excellent, and his goals have been invaluable. All said and done taking into account their position on the table currently they deserve a B+. Who gives a crap about the media. As for outlook, impossible to say with this board.

They're right to look there tbh. There's some decent players amongst some poor sides. I get the feeling though that they'll prefer to look to lesser leagues (Dutch and French namely) where the wages are substantially lower. Their success with Tiote and Ben Arfa will lead them to naively thinking it's easy going also.

You're so passionate about making the comparison and yet Arteta doesn't even have a tackles per game rating? That's fantastic for a 'defensive' midfielder wouldn't you say? Makes less passes than Tiote also. Gets more assists, that's no surprise because he's an offensively minded player and Tiote isn't, but even if you were to make the comparison based on their effectiveness as defensive midfielders then Tiote clearly wins. I think that Arteta is a very good player (apart from the simulation) and if I had both squads at my disposal I'd have both him and Tiote in the side with Tiote obviously as defensive mid.

I don't care where Moyes plays him, he's an attacking midfielder/winger. To answer your question, you don't compare completely different players.

Comparing stats between a defensive midfield player and an attacking fullback and an offensive midfielder/winger LOL. Lost the plot.

Tbh i think Barton offered that it be on lower terms just a 3 years extentions rather than just 2. Fair play to him really. I doubt enrique will take a pay cut however. Barton will justifiably be paid less than he was getting originally. Enrique will be on a substancial amount less than Barton, being relatively inexperienced when he was signed. The similarly sized fee will have been based off his potential which will have been balanced against lower wages. No doubt though he will be able to get more elsewhere, and I'm still more or less resigned to him leaving, but I'd say that there wouldn't need to be a pay cut for Jose to keep him within any new founded wage structure.

Liverpool will be a different match altogether. Our team will play a lot better because it will be more about football and less about rushing and closing down like this was for them. Blackpool unlucky not to win, we shouldn't have left there after that performance with anything. Tiote was woeful, his worst game since the Blackburn abomination. His passing you'd never know that he's normally very safe. Nolan did nothing all match, Barton was well off the pace. Jonas had an ordinary game but was still our best midfielder, which pretty much sums it up.

Problem is they skipped 2nd gear altogether. Some composure and leadership from our senior players is what is required. We need to take the frantic sloppiness out of it as it's bringing us back to their level, then they're winning based on experience and knowledge of their shitty pitch.

We're very lucky not to be behind the way we've played. Good team talk required, we need to calm things down and stick to the basics out there.

What's with our defense wanting to play the ball out FFS! ...and the pitch - what a pile of crap!

Cracking shot and goal from Lovenkrands. Would have had two if Ameobi didn't completely stuff a counter attacking chance. And lol @ Perch's face whilst Holloway was having a strop shortly after the goal. Such an open and sloppy game so far.

It's Coloccini.

'Gabby Abangedthawhore' - Alan S. Alan Caught Offside Al Scores in the Wrong Goal (right hole, right mole)

Agree, Ireland will be on the bench. Nolan replacing Guthrie, the rest unchanged. Hopeful of a victory, they'll be seeing this as a hugely important match and will be going for three points. Could work for or against us depending on how we start.

In a side that will most likely be relegated, but if he wasn't there they'd already be down. Noone has stood out really, Bale getting PFA was a joke really as well. If Berbatov wasn't so stroppy and lazy he'd have been in with a good shot.