Tom 13918 Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they would have to leave. The Jewish people met and picked an aged, but wise Rabbi Moshe to represent them in the debate. However, as Moshe spoke no Latin, and the Pope spoke no Yiddish, they all agreed that it would be a "silent" debate. On the chosen day, the Pope and Rabbi Moshe sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Rabbi Moshe looked back and raised one finger. Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head. Rabbi Moshe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope then brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine. Rabbi Moishe pulled out an apple. With that, the Pope stood up and declared that he was beaten, that Rabbi Moshe was too clever, and that the Jews could stay. Later, the Cardinals met with the Pope, asking what had happened. The Pope said, "First, I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there is still only one God common to both our beliefs. Then, I waved my finger to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He had me beaten and I could not continue." Meanwhile the Jewish community was gathered around Rabbi Moshe. "How did you win the debate?" they asked. I haven't a clue," said Moshe. "First he said to me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger. Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews and I said to him, we're staying right here." "And then what?" asked a woman. "Who knows?" said Moshe, "He took out his lunch, so I took out mine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Radgina 1 Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 thtat is a really long posty so Isay no just 4 the hell ofit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Manson 0 Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 Since times are hard for Bernard Matthews, he visits the Pope in Rome in search for better fortune in light of his recent crisis. The Pope blesses him, and without thinking, Matthews asks if he could have the Lord's Prayer altered from "Give us this day our daily bread" to "our daily turkey". Aghast, the Pope declines to change the prayer, but Matthews insists and offers the Pope £5million for the change. Still the Pope says no. Desperate, and not wanting such a marketing ploy escape him, Matthews offers £5million to the Church, and 5 to the Pope himself. The man sighs and reluctantly agrees, heading off to face his council. "I have good news and bad news my sons. The good news is we're £5million richer.... The bad news is we've lost the contract with Hovis." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Radgina 1 Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 Since times are hard for Bernard Matthews, he visits the Pope in Rome in search for better fortune in light of his recent crisis. The Pope blesses him, and without thinking, Matthews asks if he could have the Lord's Prayer altered from "Give us this day our daily bread" to "our daily turkey". Aghast, the Pope declines to change the prayer, but Matthews insists and offers the Pope £5million for the change. Still the Pope says no. Desperate, and not wanting such a marketing ploy escape him, Matthews offers £5million to the Church, and 5 to the Pope himself. The man sighs and reluctantly agrees, heading off to face his council. "I have good news and bad news my sons. The good news is we're £5million richer.... The bad news is we've lost the contract with Hovis." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom 13918 Posted March 31, 2007 Author Share Posted March 31, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Manson 0 Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom 13918 Posted March 31, 2007 Author Share Posted March 31, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Manson 0 Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 Think it's been posted before but... A vicar is walking around his parrish when he hears an excited yell coming from the docks. He makes his way over to find the local fisherman jumping for joy and shouting: "Look at the size of this fucker!" The vicar coughs and the fisherman blushes. "Oh sorry father, but this type of fish is called a fucker." He offers him the fish and the vicar gladly accepts. "We're expecting the archbishop for dinner tonight, so we can cook him this fucker! Thankyou my son!" He beams. Returning to the church, the vicar meets one of the local nuns who is busy preparing food for the archbishop's arrival. "Sister, we can serve this fucker tonight for the archbishop!" The nun gasps at the vicar's language, but after he explains himself she agrees that they should cook the fish. After the archbishop arrives and sits down to eat, the nun brings in the fish and sets it upon the table. "I was there when they caught this fucker!" Smiles the vicar. Not wanting to be outdone, the nun says "Well I cooked the fucker!" The archbishop looks around in bewilderment before leaning back in his chair and saying: "You know what? You cunts are alright." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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