Alternative Sex Advice

[Kid Dynamite 6009]

Kennedy,

 

I have been going out with a really hot girl for a few months now, and she wants me to take her up the ass. I'm intrigued, but the problem is I don't know how to do it! I heard it can be messy. Any advice?

 

Paul

Brooklyn, NY

 

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Hey Cub Scout,

 

YOU have been going out with a really "hot girl?" Yeah right. I know you and there is no way in hell that could be so. Also, I highly doubt any women would give you the "backstage pass." But just for the sake of the other Readers out there that might need it, here is my advice.

 

You only live once and there is not better feeling than hearing a girl scream from the painful pleasure of anal penetration. Especially if you are the one making her scream. If it is another guy and you can still hear her, that is sort of hot, but not always. Just make sure you don't wear a condom and always have vaginal sex immediately afterward. It will give your "hot girl" a hot-burning sensation that she won't be able to shake without some high-powered antibiotics. I mean, what is hotter than having your woman have to go to the doctor after you're through with her?

 

Also, the faster the better. I like to take the same approach to anal sex as I do with those casino games where the little beaver pops his head out of a hole and you smack him with a mallet. Basically, make sure to smack your girl on the head with a mallet. Last, but not least, mark the date of your first "fudgy roger" on a calender and celebrate the anniversary every year. Your friends and family will be proud!

 

Good luck and get too it, liar-boy

 

Love,

Kennedy

 

Kennedy,

 

Assuming that you respect her feelings on this matter, how do you approach the matter of the ass slap when giving it to your woman doggy style?

 

A'

 

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Dear A',

 

First of all, I only give it to women doggy style. There is no other option. I call it, "The Normal Way." I'm pretty sure God created man and woman with idea that they could have sex without the displeasure of having to look at each other. Probably so they could fantasize about other people. As far as the ass slap goes, I cherish it. It's one of my most used techniques. There is no "approach" needed. Just start slapping. If your woman doesn't like it, she's a rotten bitch. Throw her in the gutter and go get another.

 

So, next time you're loving a woman, pretend you're trying to start up a lawnmower when you give her the old slippy-slap on the Budunkudunq. I unusually make a lawnmower sound by vibrating my lips together while I give the slap. That really gets her gopher going, if you know what I mean. If you don't know what I mean, you're in real trouble. Some girls cannot reach orgasm without a few good heavy slaps on the dumper, and those are the girls I respect the most. God speed and good luck.

 

Love,

Kennedy

 

 

[snakehips 0]

Most have heard of 'Rodeo Sex' but for those who haven't:

 

Start nailing your lass from behind, then tell her she is pretty good for a fat lass! WHOOAAA, boy, hold on it's Rodeo Sex

[catmag 336]

Most have heard of 'Rodeo Sex' but for those who haven't:

 

Start nailing your lass from behind, then tell her she is pretty good for a fat lass! WHOOAAA, boy, hold on it's Rodeo Sex

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