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The Mighty Hog

The next hurricane,

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A major Hurricane (Shazza) measuring 7.8 on the Beaufort scale hit in the early

hours of Monday. Epicentre: Basildon, Essex. Victims were seen wandering around

aimless muttering "faaackin ell" ...


The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage.

Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish Costa's

were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were

disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giro arrived.


Essex FM (County Radio Station) reported that hundreds of residents were

confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that

something interesting had happened in Basildon.


One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It was such a

shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My

youngest two Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still

shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning."


Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as normal.The

British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to

the area to help the stricken locals...


Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large

quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from

Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.





Appeal update:



This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those

unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought

after, items most needed include:


-- Fila or Burberry baseball caps

-- Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)

-- Shell suits (female)

-- White sport socks

-- Rockport boots

-- Any other items usually sold in Primark.


Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

Required foodstuffs include:

-- Microwave meals

-- Tins of baked beans

-- Ice cream

-- Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.


22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms

£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9

£5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those




**Breaking news**

Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in claret - 'Where are you

bleeding from?' they asked - "ROMFORD" said the girl, "wossat got to do wiv it?"

Edited by The Mighty Hog

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