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Shitting it about my Mam and Dad if I’m honest. And my lass who works on coronary care. Although statistically speaking she should be ok. Trying to keep things normal for the sake of the kids. I’m lucky in that I’m public sector and able to work from home. The economic effects look like they’ll be devastating but you can recover from that, unlike death of course. Just try and be sensible I suppose and eliminate the risks as much as possible. I really hope everyone is ok and the likes of J and Cath have my utmost respect. Worth sparing a thought for all those other ‘key workers’ like those earning not very much but putting themselves at risk working in places like Asda. Hopefully something better can emerge from this and we can start moving away from the petty, arrogant little nation we seemed to be heading for

I'm in a weird situation. My parents literally live next door, in fact the other half of the semi-detached. They are both vulnerable to this, especially my Dad. I do the best I can to disinfect myself, and will enter their house, to talk. Always 2 metres from each other, no drinks etc. 15 mins max. No way, are the kids getting in, despite my mum crying about this. They are in contact over the garden fence, but that's also shit cos my mum's deaf. My Dad had been surprisingly sensible, and sanguine. He's 87, and is sensible, but accepts he's more than had his fair innings. I love him. I know we all lose our parents at some time, but I'm terrified by this. In other countries, like Italy, funerals have even be banned. More generally, im so sick and tired of the last 5 years. It's not been great, in any aspect of my life.

Out of that lot the bacon sarnie is the only thing I'd take you up on. Also helpful to know vegetable soup can be used for lunch or dinner. Never knew that. Such an amazingly versatile dish.

Last year or the year before i was a tit on here, i just wanted to vent and thought it would be a good idea to work myself on a Newcastle United fan web site, dunno why because i love Newcastle U fuckin' nited. I'm sorry if i made it out like the loved one i'm worried about is my mam or old, she's not. But she is vulnerable. I hope your mum is safe, i'm sure she will be as she has you to look after her.

I'm officially worried Unofficially i'm terrified, my health is not great but the health of a relative i love is worse, a lot worse. I'm very guilty of making jokes to gloss over my fears.

Was it Mung bean mince with Quinoa and Uruguayan Goosebery Dumplings, or just regular, fucking delicious, Mince and Dumplings?

Fair play to all the attendees at the Stadium of Light. They’ve been doing social distancing for years.

Of course I lock it. I’ve enough on mind balancing on one foot with my thumb up my arse as I choke myself with an orange, without worrying about the Mrs. coming in looking for a hammer.

I’m taking comfort in the knowledge you needed to pay someone to tell you that you’re able to cook meals in batches which can then be frozen for a later date

It warms my heart when people spell charvs correctly. The R is important.

A 75 year old like her should be keeping her sweaty heed inside

I'll give that a look, cheers. We had one of the local hipster dads around yesterday with this: ...which is really nice. Had a chat to him and I'm going to sign up to help where possible - we're both still working full-time and don't have a car so we might be of limited use, but an extra pair of hands never hurts. I'm more concerned about our next-door neighbours, the Millwall season-ticket holder and his wife I've mentioned once or twice on here. They're both 90 and she had a fall (all the way down the stairs ) about six weeks ago, so she's basically bedbound at the minute and he's having to keep the place going with the help of some carers who come in once or twice a day. I'm keeping their garden and yard weeded and tidy and I've told them to ask if they need anything, but they're fiercely independent (hence still both living at home at 90, I suppose) so he's still wandering off to the supermarket and back every few days and bringing back god knows what in the process. There's only so much you can do I suppose. Going to video chat with my mam later today and find out whether they're following orders or not. I'm prepared to flex my muscles.

Mate, its obvious. You're leaving anyway. Fuck them, keep safe, stay st home. I've got similar issues at my work. They still expect me to come in. I'm a non essential NHS worker currently, working in a hospital office! Madness. I'm telling my boss this tomorrow, via video conference. I'll accept any disciplinary they throw at me now I think, although I admit I'm worried by loss of pay.

Cameron wasn't right about much, but calling this cunt Cummings a psychopath was bang on

He’d upload them, but…you know…Tubs.

No pics Gemmill?

If being a remainer had been his route to pm then he'd have been that instead.

FA Cup classics on BBC One atm and Paul Kitson has just scored which reminds me of the time he chinned Gemmill in Julie’s. He must have seen this coming.

Snarky Renton is fun, more of this please!

It looks like he was just in the garden talking to his mam and some cunt dropped a conservatory on her.

Got up early to watch this....just brilliant. It’s on All 4 for a month 👍 I’d forgotten Argentina played Italy in Naples in the WC semi at Italia 90... I can’t think of another more conflicted sporting event, it’s incomparable.. https://www.irishtimes.com/sport/soccer/diego-maradona-piece-of-cinematic-art-captures-glory-days-1.3908597

Is it this bloke?

👍🏻 Meet me at the Labour Club when this is all over. I’ll but you a pint

For the avoidance of doubt, tell him you open mouth kissed your mate.

You should absolutely work from home tomorrow. Go in early before anyone else will be there and leave a note on your boss's desk telling him you're working from home. There's fuck all he can do, you're leaving anyway. The dickheads at your place sound like the sort of cunts that would have been out til last orders in Friday so get as far away from them as possible.

Some grim tales in the last couple of pages. Keep the vulnerable in your lives fully isolated, use WhatsApp video calls (easier than Skype cos everyone already has it on their phone) instead of calling in on parents (Renton you know better than me about how this thing is transmitted, so I'm not lecturing you here). I hope everyone on here comes through this unscathed and the same for their families. Most importantly though, don't lose sight of the fact that this is all temporary. It will be over in an in-the-grand-scheme-of-things relatively short period of time. And if we all do the right thing for that relatively short period of time, we'll hopefully all be around to see what the after looks like. And I don't want to hear about how yeah it'll be over but the economy will be fucked and all the rest of it, because so fuck. People won't be getting sick and dying and literally everything else is fixable. There'll be a will to fix it too: look at the change in the Tories in the space of two weeks and you've still got John fucking Redwood and IDS saying that they haven't gone far enough. Widescale loss of life in this country is now inevitable - I know because you dickheads won't stop posting the graphs and going on about it. But genuinely, if you focus your energies on keeping your families isolated from the total dick moves that some of the rest of the country are engaged in, there's little reason why you don't ALL come out of this fine. Like that doctor said on the prior page - this thing can't crawl under your front door. PS. I know some people are not protected and are having to go to work. I would be walking around with a nappy on if I was in front line healthcare at the minute. I'm sorry that they don't get to do the relatively easy shit that the rest of us do. I'm not even happy that my lass has to turn in to look after key workers' kids tomorrow even though I know it's the right thing to do.

Johnson Jnr was a remainer too

Or having a shed wank.

Pen-y-pass is always bad tbf but that is mental. I can hardly imagine what the summit of Snowdon would be like. I fucking hate Wales btw, just to be clear.

I wish he'd stop wearing sunglasses indoors.

At the very least my cooking effort is distracting him from looking at death graphs.

Walking home like you've won the World Cup.

He looks utterly fucking confused.

I quite like Peytar. Staggering to think, though, that at some point in her life that sweet old lady was such a kinky mare that she shagged a chimpanzee.

Anyway, I wonder what Caprice thinks we should do

Anyone in need of a good laugh should really watch this it's a bit dated but really funny

There's basically no way I can work from home due to the supply chain nature of our business and how closely I have to monitor aspects of it and the cleaners at our place are fucking useless so I'm going to have to take matters into my own hands and clean everything that is regularly used because I genuinely don't think anyone else will. I'll probably start walking to work as well, just to avoid public transport though it's pretty much unavoidable on the way back. My mother has quite a low immune system due to a lack of Vitamin D so I'm hoping that the supplements she takes are somehow strong enough to kickstart her into gear since there's no way she can work from home either. Saying that, she was laid up for about a week or so back in January so there's every chance she might have had it when we didn't know if it had arrived here yet. Still, it's saved me money on a Mother's Day meal.

Spare a thought for the jobless commentators at this difficult time https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2020/03/20/this-commentators-got-no-live-sport-left-so-hes-commentating-on-everyday-life-and-its-brilliant/

If people accidentally self isolate because they don't understand the distinction though, all the better.

I don't think anyone's mixing up the two. We are talking about dealing with people who are self isolating (at risk groups) and avoiding risks which are not essential.

What about you, @Andrew

It's all I know how to do. It's safe to assume I'm terrified most of the time tbh, the virus hasn't changed much in that respect.

Cheers Tom Here’s an art tip in return

Mamie Stuart: Sunderland burial for 1919 murder victim https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tyne-51386314