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Yeh I always know my decorating is going well when I break the boiler.

You needed a piss after one pint? You've been down south way too long.

Didn't fancy sharing the touchline with Colin again what with few cameras about.

Paid advertisement, what’s your steak in this venture

Anyone watching the UEFA Nations League games ? thought not

Do ya rip

'Second family' Some canny sorts I work with but also some borderline scum, wankers, boring cunts, greedy bastards, arselickers and almost unemployables, (but we'll take them via an agency) and finally an almost psychopathic management/HR. I'd take working from home if I had the choice, thanks.

Hammered 5-1 so they call off the follow up game? Why? Also, why is it a good call? We are so fucked and this knacker rather than voice concerns or, y'knaa, ask some questions thinks damage limitations on the team and the pudding of a manager is a good idea?

Pics or gtfo.

Saw Fish in the midnight queue for the new Avengers game, squeezed into a Black Widow style catsuit. Nearly brought my tea up

I’m 52… … what were we talking about ?

Honestly, who gives a fuck how they’re funded and if they’re Marxists or not? They’re not about to corrupt democracy by mass harvesting of data in cahoots with major mainstream political parties & some of the biggest tech corporates on the planet are they?

This is the opposite of the Gazza thread - I open it hoping the cunt is dead.

You and your euphemisms disgust me.

Harry Maguire is

Stolen from a site that contains wankers but it's very funny

It being mine and Mrs.F’s 22nd anniversary today, I went to Block and Bottle yesterday to splurge on steaks that come with a family tree of the cow, what it’s last meal was, and a playlist of it’s favourite music. Got a couple of fillets for the Fistlets as they’re fussy little shites regarding meat fat, and some rib-eyes, still on the rib, for Mrs.F. and I. Fuck me, they were unbelievably good- I didn’t fuck on with any sauces, other than pan juices reduced with white wine, as I wanted to taste the dead beast in all its glory. Served up with steamed Pink Fir Apple spuds, char-grilled courgettes and broccoli, and some mixed shrooms with herb butter. I know everyone eats rabbit food now, self-included Mon-Fri, but if you want some quality meat at a very reasonable price, go to these folks. Btw, their charcuterie is award winning and it’s fucking well deserved. They’ve recently moved to Heaton Rd, and they also stock some seriously good beers and wines. * cracks another Almasty can, falls over.

Surely we need a second friendly for the new signings to get settled oh wait

“Hearing an alarm” is enough to have me reaching for the cyanide most mornings so that had me annoyed literally immediately

Constance Nunes, she may be able to handle a big block but she'd be useless with anything more sophisticated! https://www.instagram.com/constance_nunes/?hl=en

You should’ve actually “entered” a sock. Top prize, and the sack.

Seeing it was her birthday yesterday (all the best people are born on the 2 September) you at least could have made sure she was celebrating in her bday suit! Where's Fist when you need him?

I would have forgiven you for taking an AR15 to work tbh

It seems like they’ve listed about 6 proper anxiety triggers without even realising it. Office Gossip “they’re not fucking happy with this furlough shite and are gonna be bringing in mandatory paycuts & some redundancies...oh and apparently that blokes an alcoholic” Hearing an alarm etc etc

They only want you back so their mates' property portfolio's don't crumble

This, not only the thought of an airport and then the plane but the isolation risk on return, zero sympathy for those who whinge about the "panic to get home"

I'm 62 and same, but once the seal is broken..................................................................

I would probably have banned him too!

Didn’t even know who the fuck Olly Watkins was

He should know that sky are just cashing in on it anyway

'Fuck the Greek civilisation' being the often forgotten follow up by NWA to 'Fuck the police'.

The world needs another IPA about as much as it needs footballing insight from Michael Owen

Leaves a sour, lingering taste in the mouth

Apparently the sticking point is Ashley wants "house of" written above his name on his shirt.

Not palatable to Europeans

Tasting notes- “ Promising start, but lacks depth with a weak body. Bitter finish.”

Does IPA stand for “Injury prone arsehole”?

They probably would if they could.

'Fuck the Greek civilisation, I don't give a shit' is probably the greatest quote I've ever heard from a footballer.

Pay attention lads- if anyone knows about bogs, it’s ewerk.

Many happy returns to both you GUYS!

Reverse Cool Hand Luke