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‘I was only hired to suck your dick, I didn’t realise I had to put something this disgusting in my mouth’.

nothing screams ‘premium’ like a promo photo taken at a shit angle in an office on someone’s phone

The only haulier he'd be faster than is Gérard

The comments attached to this “Rent boy receives his reward” is my favourite.

RT if you remember Meenzer's post. ❤️ If you've already forgotten.

He posted that pic a while back with the same shite patter didn’t he? Someone reckoned it was just him on one of those driver experiences days you can buy people as a present

Quite impressive that, even though most of his face is covered, you can still detect the embarrassment of the poor charva in the pic.

Or like them relaunching the Phileas Fogg brand with a completely different product range involving no Mignons Morceaux or Punjab Puri. Savages.

Yeh they’ll sell you a can of “craft ale” for £5 named after a futureheads song or something. Apparently the best place to drink Vaux historically was in Bamburgh as one of the owners lived there so they’d send the best beer to the pubs there. So an elderly relative tells me once a month anyway

Mrs. Fist works for a large Mackem housing association, named after a Penguin. The staff all received a Christmas hamper instead of the usual night out, which was supposedly filled with things that celebrate sunderland’s heritage. Here’s what was in it; Ringtons Teabags Ringtons Biscuits Ringtons Coffee Sweets from Beamish Museum Sweety shop A bottle of Prosecco A pen And this So, Ringtons was started in Heaton, Newcastle, by a Geordie and a Yorkshireman. Beamish is in Durham, created by another Yorkshireman. Prosecco isn’t made on the sun-drenched terraces of Southwick, last time I checked. The pen is from China The only thing actually from sunderland is the pint pot with the name of a brewery on it that closed 20 years ago. FTM.

Boldon Industrial Estate

We conceded four once under Rafael We've conceded 5 at least 3 times under Bruce. facts are sacred

The captain pulled it off perfectly by striking it into an iceberg and then dying.

The Titanic was ‘comfortable’

He’s definitely got validation issues mind. Most people go on to be politicians rather than selling radioactive piss cans to goth gamers.

Just seen this. Trump's twitter was ha ked after someone successfully guessed his password which was..... MAGA2020 . There are no words. BBC News - Trump Twitter ‘hack’: Police accept attacker's claim https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-55337192

I see essembee is writing for the Mirror now

I don’t know. He just needs to do the trick he pulled at Sunderland, ie being the best out of an absolutely shite bottom 4, before fucking off and leaving them with a load of parasites.

No sooner asked God, work is boring this morning

Not much of a stretch to say his cock is disgusting like

I think it’s open again now mind. Doing craft ales or some such

Thanks for doing my fact-checking for me I knew it it was something like that. However drab the football sometimes was under Rafa, we were rarely on the receiving end of many hidings because they were all so well-drilled. We’ve gone back to shipping goals under Bruce how we used to when Pardew was manager

https://twitter.com/Legolas/status/1336768342993104899?s=20

Why, in every photo, does Gandaft look like his mam is behind the camera?

Aye, I’m sure, if not for being an international energy drink magnate, he’d be challenging for Hamilton’s record.

At least I don't feel bad about the stonewaller we didn't get. That's the kind of thinking that's required to be a Newcastle United supporter.

Football under Rafa was shite though

We’ve been fucking abysmal since we went 2-1 up. edit: got back to 2-2 I mean. It’s telling that I can’t face watching us sober, even for a 6 pm ko on a school night

The ball doesn't have to be anywhere near a player if an opposition player fuckin boots your foot

It's a head scratcher, one for Brucey to analyse. With the aid of his modern, dynamic and innovative holistic approach I have every confidence he'll get to the bottom of it and address it for future matches.

”Gandalf, after he had taken elevenses at the comfortable hobbit hole of Peregrine Took, winded down the track to the Green Dragon where he shared a pot of ale with Jockus Shortarse in the snug bar”

Another club for the mackems to have a special relationship with now

I’ll be amazed if Allardyce can do anything with that lot. Even with his special contact book of mercenaries coming through the door next month.

I have never wanted the baggies to get relegated. Until now.

Well, they do now.

He's back.

Bilic sacked and WBA have broken the emergency glass on Big Sam.

Basically whenever the opposition doesn't press. Give our team a bit of time on the ball and they've the individual ability to punish you. Be that Shelvey's passing, or ASM/Almiron's directness. Still think we're crying out for a Cabaye-like player, and for all his Hollywood passes, Shelvey ain't that.

This is it for me, Bruce's defenders love to bring up Benitez, because it paints us as unreasonable. Purely looking at how Bruce's Newcastle has performed over the last two season shows a team that can't defend or attack well, that doesn't hold onto the ball, nor put in much effort to get it back. Bruce has arguably the best squad since our relegation in 2016. He inherited a top half defence, and a top class 'keeper. Yes he 'lost' Rondon and Perez, but built upon that solid defence could have been a counter attack side with the pace of Almiron, Saint-Maximin and the passing range possessed by Shelvey, and to a lesser degree Schar, Lejeune, S.Longstaff etc. Now he's got an actual fit-for-purpose striker, more options on the flanks and yet we're still a nothing side. We're still too easy to play through, still too easy to defend against, still don't keep or press the ball and still too often aimless during games. That's all on him and something we've seen reported of his teams at previous clubs. But Edwards and his ilk told us we were unreasonable to greet his announcement with groans and negativity. Now we're supposed to be happy that we are a shit PL side that's one game away from a cup semi-final. On that, how fucking lucky has he been with the draws? Rochdale, Oxford, WBA in the FA Cup last season and Blackburn, Morecambe, Newport, and Brentford in the EFL Cup this time around. Safe bet that the minute we're drawn against a Premier League side we'll go out.

Like a lot of his generation he might’ve had time for all the north east clubs but, like you say, it’s the bizarre desperation to associate almost anyone and everyone with their shit tip of a club that is tragic. Especially as it doesn’t seem to matter what the evidence is to the contrary

Whereas the general consensus appears to be that your patter is absolutely fucking lifting

Todger Strunk 😂