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Which Redknapp did you think it was like, Louise?

So do we think this is going to be the week when Mike Ashley can rightly say he is getting the hang of this football lark?

When I worked abroad I had an Aussie friend who decided that there should be an internationally recognised sign when you want the bill after a meal. She decided that making a C shape with her hand was the sign. She would do this after every meal out, every time, for the whole 5 years I knew her. No one had a fucking clue what she was doing- not the waiters, not her fellow diners, no one. That’s you, and this BUJ nonsense.

Luke Edwards’ latest article is a belter. Rashford is spending too much time trying to get free meals into the mouths of poor children and his game is suffering apparently. Never has a bloke needed to learn when to shut the fuck up.

Much much lower, the people in prominent positions are either liars, evil, corrupt, or toadies. Most of them are combination of all of these things. Johnson, Gove, Raab, Patel, Sunak, Truss, Jenrick, Rees-Mogg, Shapps, Lewis, Francois, Braverman - I would never tire of punching every single one of these in the face. Then you have your walk on turns like Redwood, Duncan-Smith, Fabricant, Jenkins, that bloke who likes upskirting and that weird young bloke from Mansfield (who’s name escapes me). There are countless others who are as equally abhorrent. It blows my mind just how many people can vote for these bastards and still sleep at night.

“You....there, yes you with the cone shaped head”

Fuck me. It’s like having David bastard Dimbleby on the fuckin board

Chaser

Aye. I replied to some melt on Twitter earlier today whose argument about poor parenting was founded on a firm belief that chicken dippers cost more than £7/kg. It's just little things like that that are a dead giveaway - no need to worry about facts when you can just think whatever best suits your prejudice - and people like Edwards know what side their bread's buttered on. What a way to make a living though.

What a bunch of knackers, such a weird fucking fan base.

No sympathy - it took milliseconds for the 350m to be shown to be a lie so fuck him and anyone else who ever believed a single word to ever emerge from Johnson's mouth.

Are they verifying he wasn't an ex-inmate and this was a poignant keepsake, first?

And she lived in a care home. Genius at work

Didn’t CT once says that his hero was his old gaffer as well? Everyone listing elite athletes or noteworthy family members and he fires out with his supervisor at DFS

Wait, are we talking about Hatt Mancock or CT here?

It was funny as fuck when he went and found a receipt to a season ticket from the 90s (no doubt kept to use as some form of tax break) to prove his long term loyalty as a fan. Because having a ST in the 90s after the ground expansion proved that I think this was after admitting to not attending a single match the decade before (even a midweek one) because he sold sofas on a Saturday. He’s like Poundshop David Mellor.

Trudged through the 80s.

They can never, ever, admit they were wrong. And take the hypocrisy of Patel last night, telling us to obey the rules which she didn't even know herself, and coming from a serial rule breaker. Morgan is a cunt but at least he make politicians squirm.

Aye, normality for nobody bar himself. Cunt finally woke up in a puddle of his own piss and realised how much he had to lose.

Nowt fucking free about the contributions of Dido Harding and her ilk though

It’s fucking criminal incompetence. And we all know the main actors in it will walk away scot-free

Hartlepool drug-dealer 'lured to house and killed by drug gang' https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tees-55647979 “A man living close to the murder scene, who was hard of hearing, recalled his parrot had been startled by a loud noise, Mr FitzGibbon said.”

Camp Auschwitz has been arrested. No word yet on what they're doing with his hoodie. @Rayvin, I'd keep an eye on ebay.

Aye, but he also crushed young CT’s dreams when he slipped a length to Debbie from accounts.

He could sell sand to the Arabs that fella. I’ll never forget the day an old dear came in looking for a foot stool. 30% apr (not payable for the first 6 months) and a cup of tea and a biscuit later and she was on a 3 month waiting list for a puce 4-piece suite

Tell it to your own constituents, tell them you sold them down the river, you stupid cunt

The most ridiculous thing in all that is her having a newspaper column

It’s funny how by being such Leave zealots the DUP will probably end up leaving the UK then rejoining the EU.

Used to sit in the Gallowgate and watch Jackie Milburn.

We wouldn't be in this mess if journalists took this approach in all of their interviews

-46

Wondering what the replacement for that broken can was like?

That sending off by the way. It stunk of the Leicester game where Williamson and janmaat got sent off and the 2008-09 season where Barton got sent off at Anfield. Players kicking out because they're sick as fuck. Relegated teams get players sent off like the above examples. He has to go because I can't see Ashley making a quick fix regarding signings when he thinks the club's PL place is in trouble this time. It would almost certainly be a better proposition to just replace the manager. (A properly ran club would do both).

He is fuck all to do with football and so should be in GC anyway.

I once had an Indian in Lanzarote and it was called 'Mahatma Coat'.

Could any of them bosh a box of Monster Munch in under 4 minutes though?

Trump finally croaks it and ends up in hell. The devil greets him and tells him that although he's deserving of a place they're a little bit overbooked at the minute. 'You're definitely staying but I'm going to have to let someone go who was touch and go whether they ended up here or not. I tell you what, I'll even let you decide. Here's your choices but you can pick only one and you must take up their eternal punishment." The devil then shows him into cavern where President Nixon is constantly trying to swim away from crocodiles in a deep pool. Trump says, 'I'm not the greatest swimmer since I hurt my shoulder so I'll give this one a miss." The devil takes him to another cavern, in it Saddam Hussein is constantly trying to break rocks with a pick but the pick just sparks off and the rocks stay intact. Trump looks at the devil and says, "Yeah, I can't see my poor shoulder holding up to that for eternity. Anything else?" The devil takes him to the last cavern, there, lying spread eagled with his hands chained behind his head is President Clinton with Monica Lewinsky in between his legs giving him an eternal piping. Trump dives straight in and says that he'll take this task on. The devil nods his head then shouts, "Ok, Monica, pet, that'll do, you can go back up to heaven now."

It’s all so pointless that there is no point in getting too heavily invested into it. So long as Ashley owns us, it really doesn’t matter what league we are in.

On a late 80s holiday to Cyprus I had lasagna at a restaurant in Paphos called Garfield. You don't get more authentic than that.

“ Can’t be doing wiv that forrin muck” *Gets home, lives on Curry, Chinese takeaways, pizza and kebabs.

I’m surprised it wasn’t a Tactical-Camo version with that little weasel.

Just as the second wave did in 1918. What's that saying about history and lessons again?

Last season ASM was easily our best attacking outlet. Perhaps, even before COVID struck, playing in a team where we have next to no possession (especially in the opposition half) meant teams have been able to nullify him somewhat. You know - maybe the tactic of giving him the ball and hoping for the best wasn’t that sustainable. This season he has been ‘lumbered’ with Callum Wilson. I wonder if, once the ‘tactic’ of completely relying on him for goals becomes less effective, the penny might drop that the manager isn’t getting the best out of this squad.

Aye and we got lumbered with you. You Ugly Mackem Cunt.

Was it made out of cat meat? Then it was certainly a very authentic dish at Garfield’s.

I did no such thing. I'd have to find it first.

Echo what other have said, talking always helps. Even if it's just to strangers on a message board. Even if you type it all out and throw it into the void. I've dealt with anxiety and depression* for 20yrs and through everything, the one thing that's helped most, (more than breathing exercises, good diet, getting outside, etc. ) is talking. I've been really struggling during the lockdown, but talking about what I'm feeling, admitting the frankly terrifying thoughts that I've endured, is the thing that helps the most. *and during my latest assessment signs of OCD, which was novel.