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I thought this bollocks takeover had already happened. Isn’t it basically just the chuckle brothers that currently own them just rearranging the furniture so the white dog shit sniffers chill out for five minutes? My thinking is they were basically giving up some of the club they were given for nigh on nowt to this trust fund wanker, and the Uruguayan bloke that just looked clueless but happy for a day out on their comedy series. That way their paint can sniffing support can calmly go back to serenely licking the crumbs from their Morrison’s brand Wotsits packets as they are fooled into thinking something has changed and they’ll think fucking rights wey’ll be back in the PL and can go back to circling the drain like the good old days. Meanwhile the two useless carpet bagging ball bags will still be in charge and abusing mid level club staff while listening to 90’s Ibiza classics. The only thing that would make this delightful saga even better is if they hadn’t pretended they were giving the club to a pair of dim cunts who just happen to be the offspring of successful people, and had instead at least pretended to give the club to William Storey.

"....And now a letter from a Mr Average NUFC fan. He writes, 'Dear BBC'....Ooh, very formal, Mr Average NUFC fan.... 'I think Steve Bruce is doing a great job and I for one wish him all the very best.'....So far so good, Mr NUFC Fan, we're getting the praise, sir..... 'But I also hope he dies as well'....Well I didn't see that coming."

Methven was electric in that Netflix series btw. The way he just breezed into an office that literally looked like a company currently being liquidated, and assumed the middle aged lass probably making barely more than she would make counting the inventory at Iceland should have the motivation towards her job equal to that of a coked up Lehman Brothers banker in the 1980’s. Then to compound this magical disaster of a relationship it turns out for all his arrogance and bluster all of his ideas are complete and utter dog shit, while he shrugs each tragic idea off with a “just throwing it out there” half arsed attitude. This is why we need William Storey, imagine him coming in on the next season bringing a level of arrogance and delusion that Methven could only dream of.

Fuck if anyone's actually gonna use that let me know and I'll spend more than 3 minutes on it. Use of that logo is conditional though, I politely request you donate at least 5 pence to any given charity (your own beer fund is fine by me) just so we can safely say that Fish Energy has generated more cash than Gimli's weird bathtub concoction.

I don't do facebook or twitter or owt like that, but I desperately hope bruce has got wind of the fact I'd love to see him and ashley fall simultaneously, jugular first in to a skip full of razor wire . far from it being obscene it would be quite comfortably the funniest thing that's happened in the last 12 months or so. I appreciate I probably need help!

Netflix missed a trick not getting you to narrate the series.

From Methven to Methhead.

Is this not going to be the week when Joelinton can rightly say he is getting the hang of this football lark?

This all reeks of the shit encrusted hand of Keith Bishop iyam

Howay's always at his best discussing all things Sunderland.

On that like Brucey on a steak bake, cheers

*The board are discussing the pre match music for the upcoming season & eccentric owner William Storey has an interesting contribution* ”do people really have to wash their hair? Like do they have to!? Is it not just a conspiracy like that Covid my Nan died of?”

Ooof. Shots fired

Bruce said that Joelinton wasn’t a striker the other week so expect him to be thrust in there.

Baked beans... fuck off... Don't know where he got this from but James O'Brien said this morning that out of all hospital admissions due to covid in the last 12 months one third were in the calender month of January 2021 Thats what you get when you have a prime minister who doesn't like to give out bad news

It's got to be Gayle for me, even though I don't think he's good enough he's much more likely to score than Joelinton or Carroll. It's a fucking good job we beat Everton and Southampton or I would be extremely worried now.

I guess we're on to verse three of Stan.

CT posts where he’s spectacularly wrong are meat and drink to Sinn Find. I challenge @ewerk to find one of his posts where he gets it right. You have one month, should you choose to accept this mission.

Larry Flynt, 78. The shed flag is at half-mast. ( fnarr etc). I will be having burgers for tea in memoriam.

Bozzos, the prawn is still with us but she's no longer a prawn, it's just Larry that's stiff!

Aye, this is following the Bruce playbook to the letter. The only bit that might stray from the norm is how long Penfold takes to actually sack the fat fucker.

Hole (in the ground)

Don’t be like that Scotty, it’s the only time old Larry could be twice as stiff as everyone else! My only problem with Larry is whenever his name comes up I remember how much of a prawn Courtney Love is (was).

I might have guessed.

I mean I might be thinking about getting a PRS, but at least I'm not a necrophile.

I don’t do classy.

They're 8pts off 17th on 15pts, they've won 2 times this season, their points per games is 0.68. If Burnley and Newcastle keep roughly the same PpG(1.08), they'll end up on 39 and 41points respectively. For Fulham to get to 39 points, they need 24pts from 16 games, which is 1.5PpG. More than double what they've managed so far. It's a win every 2 games. If Newcastle and Burnley lose the next 10 games in a row, to catch us Fulham would still need to significantly improve their return to about a point a game just to catch us.

The Besnard Lakes have released a new album, first in five or six years.

Did you know old Larry had a penile implant after he was shot and became a paraplegic? Let's hope someone at least raised the mask for old boy one last time!

He'll come suitably armed:

He’s right more often than Gemmill tbh

Not having that - BUJ!

I’m no doctor but maybe trying to play him for every minute in seven matches in less than three weeks mightn’t have been the best idea?

Aye, they deny it while calling our lot deluded but the fans literally expecting promotion as they assume they’re still a PL side on a temporary stop is a real issue for them. Any draw or loss receives a massive backlash as they still haven’t got it through their thick skulls that this is their level now.

Assuming this takeover by Elaine from Seinfelds cousin does go through, and assuming he's willing to spunk a load of money on them like Short did, they still have the problem that they aren't an attractive option for players who are looking for anything but a payday. Most of us are aware that it's not always the easiest to attract players to come here. It's colder than the rest of the country, further away from London than anywhere else, we can't promise the biggest wages and we can't offer challenging for trophies or European football. Even when we could offer those last three we found it harder than teams in London and Manchester. They have the same problems as us but also have a town that offers nothing, fans that have made their players feel intimidated at home, no European history whatsoever and being stuck in league 1. I don't see any immediate prospect of them moving very far upwards at all.

Where next? Let’s take a look at the cultural delights of Sunderland 😮 Why not go to Kwik-Fit and get your tyres changed!? After that...get some scran at one of the towns 450 Greggs! If you can’t make it to Tynemouth, why not try Roker Beach! Then sample some real culture at the Glass centre! An entire centre made of glass. Buy yourself a new vape at the bridges shopping centre. Where else would a billionaire playboy want to be? Nice one Sunderland. Nice one

Good thing you didn't fire that off as an acronym, we'd have thought you'd had a stroke.

Actually I do have to give him credit for this one:

He's a fuckin card this lad

I went to a wedding over there once. In fairness, when the father of the bride and groom made his speech it was a very moving moment.

Imagine trusting this shower of cunts If you can't pick out Farage, Johnson, Gove and Rees Mogg as deceitful bullshitting wankers you've failed at life. Am not sure the majority of people who voted for brexit put that much thought into it tbh but if you're a fisherman who is now suffering from buyers regret i don't have a great deal of sympathy for you.

I had to work there for a couple of weeks in 2016, and I can honestly say that was the first time I've ever set foot in the place. And I've lived in the NE for 40 odd years. The bus station absolutely honked with piss on a morning (and probably the rest of the day), and that shopping centre looked like it was full of trauma victims who'd just witnessed a massacre. If you don't live or work there, why would anyone choose to visit that rancid place is beyond me 🤢

I wondered why I hadn’t heard any new stuff of his in a while… …loved his version of Sofa No.1 by Zappa

Does the Knight have any Irish relatives who also happen to be journalists?