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It became fantasy the moment it included a friend of his

Put your floppy cock away ffs.

Rory Stewart

"Mind that holiday that was so shite that dad actually spent time with us rather than fuck off to the pub?"

Not you, sweetcheeks.

@Dr Gloom Should’ve been Maitlis...but he wouldn’t have done it then. Kunnnesburg is part of the problem...

Boris Johnson: "We want people to exercise their personal responsibility but remember the value of face coverings both in protecting themselves and others." Tory MPs:

Another cunt at a final with a ticket when others couldn't get there? I'm sure he was on board with the England team from the beginning. Wanker.

The report was released a month ago... https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/politics/breaking-five-tory-mps-broke-24581846 You'd have to imagine the punishment has been negotiated. Democracy is nearly finished in this country. Fuckin nauseating

Still a good cunt.

Macron giving the huge number of French anti vaxxers both barrels this morning

I would take anyone with a degree of responsibility. Even an austere one. Johnson is an irresponsible child, squandering resources and wealth on things he doesn't understand, for outcomes he isn't informed about. Give me Osborne over this dopey fuck any day of the week. And then let me vote him out next time. Anything would be better at this point than this incompetent cunt of a man.

Let’s face it- there’s only one NUFC scribe with the street smarts to actually win a rap battle.

It’s here, baby. Last time out in Rio, we had mugging and barely constructed stadiums. This time, COVID is cutting through the Olympic Village like nothing seen since the great STD outbreak of 82 (probably). We’ve got Baseball, Softball and Karate because the Asians are fucking mad for it and skateboarding is in because it has great potential for serious bodily harm which puts it above boring Tory shit like Equestrian. Team GB are going for a canny few, I imagine. We’ll probably dope our way to the bikes again, bit of long jump and probably the horse dancing but everything is on at a stupid time so nobody will watch it anyway. Either way, enjoy the game

Thought the best thing was that bint pretending she was surprised at the stuff he was coming out with

A bunch of Tory MPs have been caught trying to influence the judge in a sexual assault case involving one of their colleagues, and incredibly their punishment is a ONE DAY suspension from Parliament. They got a day off ffs. I mean what the fuck is going on in this country.

Theres just so much going on in there.. its like a 90s cafe bar chillout tune with an old acid house 303 squelchy bass line sprinkled over the top of it... she's just perfect. I won't tell you how much I've just paid for a 7" copy of Nabi with the gorgeous art work on the sleeve this morning

Canyon (am I doing this right?)

What an absolute cunt.

Campsite at / near Helmsley. I will be taking plenty of fucking booze

For the poor seagull’s sake I hope he’d washed his hands - we all know where they’ve been

That actually was Rents...He was up on the fells doing his best "Wullie Wordsworth" when the filthy avian motherfucker swooped in to pluck the Kendal mint cake from his very hand so our boy tracked the fucker 500 miles to St Ives where they had a square go on the beech 👊

@Renton How long did it take you to nip down to Cornwall from Splatterdale? Man 'beat seagull to death' on St Ives beach https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cornwall-57886909

Innocent till proven gylfi

Genuine photo

I think it means the alzheimers is kicking in.

I have no clue what this means

mirror shades FTW

If I was gaffer at either of those papers, I’d be restricting access to Twitter unless they had another shit article to promote. What an embarrassing afternoon for both of them

Don't anyone tell me Leeds were the only damned United. Never ending takeover with a league who really don't want it as their top brands aren't happy, Mike Ashley for over a decade, Bruce the latest duck egg in the dugout, another season of relegation or not far off it and even the professional writers being paid to cover us think it's a joke.

Grown men

i'll always be your boss.

Guilty Sigurdsson?

Think Q guy is Parky?.....

That is quite the fuck-up at a time when you're trying to convince people to get vaccinated.

hang your head in shame Fist, the world's greatest debut album and bruce's scrotum should never be referenced in the same sentence!

Lifelong Tories getting shafted by the tories...its just...

Never heard of her....... ......MY FUCKING LOSS!!!

steve bruce checking he's got some bollocks, on account he's never seen the fuckers for 30 years....

Ginormo-titted brunette with brown eyes = at least 3 hours in the shed for Fist

So Cav didn't win on the Champs Elysee yesterday...fuckin phenomenal person, after what he's been through to even get back on the Tour was an achievement https://www.bbc.com/sport/cycling/57716296 Of course he's not just a legendary cyclist, he only married the last & one of the truly great page 3 girls.. I think I admire him more for that than his cycling THIS LINK IS NOT SAFE FOR WORK 👇 https://www.google.com/search?q=peta+cavendish+naked&client=ms-android-samsung-ss&prmd=inmv&sxsrf=ALeKk03blNZLyiZ6zApT8WqZPwmInsWSaA:1626700174041&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjP_p2wmu_xAhXGTcAKHZG1AAEQ_AUoAXoECAIQAQ&biw=384&bih=722

No mask could contain that fucking beak.

Renton wakes up and saunters out to the verandah of his favourite lodge for a leisurely breakfast, spots a group of “fucking tourists!” a mile away approaching Renton Towers …