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Been there.

"Fucking pissing mesel laughing here, like. Ah love the lads, they're ah'll decent kids but yiv got to have done the hard yards up and doon the A1 as part of the 'Toon army' to knaa the score and what the punters want. There'd be fucking H on to be honest with me not getting nominated but Helen Dalby told iz years ago when ah kicked off that ah'd alwiz win it every year so they had to let the other lads have a go but ah had to keep it to mesel so's not to dent their confidence. She even give iz a wink which ah'm fucking sure wasn't just a conspiryan, conspiratery, err not just about this little secret, think it was also a subtle hint that the sword of Ryder might be getting to know the front garden of Dalby if you knaa what ah mean? Lol! Anyways, like the kid who comes last on sports day ah hope they enjoy their token reward. (Ah don't think ah'll come last tbh if me and Hels get it on as ah've had a bit of a lean spell with the fanny because of lockdown an that otherwise yi tahlkin hours!) Laters, Ryder and fucking out!"

'You won't be hearing from me for a while'. 24 fucking minutes he lasted.

Thick as pigshit these divvies 😂

TSFOAN. Too Shit For a Nickname. I'm sure it will catch on. My vote would be TIM - The Invisible Man.

Oooooo curveball

How daft do you have to be to pay Ashley for one?

I could understand if they were protesting against Loose Women

I almost used the phrase LeazesMag-like

LM's young'un?

He’s got this weird obsession with bringing up things he’s said in the past to prove he’s right about stuff. Especially given most of his tweets regarding us highlight the opposite

I love how the cheeseburger thread has 6 pages in that screenshot alone Six pages of crack about some tramp carrying around cheese slices in his pocket, what a world.

Goes on to say “still might not happen”, aye you really fucking nailed that story. What a total fucking whopper this loser is. Claims he’s got the Saudi takeover right too in the thread, despite him being completely wrong the whole time as they absolutely were/are interested his initial point was that it was all bullshit he didn’t start off by saying the PL would basically block it. Helmet.

There’s definitely something in blue coat’s pocket, given how he’s waddling. It’s either a pound block of cheddar or he’s shit himself.

"Chilli sauce or garlic, Mr Ryder?" "Are ya having a laugh, Mehmet? Fucking garlic or chilli? Chilli sauce and mek it extra hot because the Knight's nee puff. Garlic on a kebab? Might as well hoy ice cream on it anahl! Remember when Souness stuck his flag on your pitch? That's like you asking me if ah want chilli or garlic sauce! Lol. Laters, Mehmet. Oh, by the way, nice to see yiv still got that signed phurto of Emre ah got you. Contacts, son, yiv got to have fucking contacts. Up here for thinking, doon there for dancing."

The Knight is definitely a man of letters… …” Letters have a large doner, extra meat, nee rabbit food, and divvent be shy with the chips either Stavros, lolz!”

It was part of the bespoken deal.

Lejeune and Muto were out on loan all last season, Atsu was only available for half the season (but didn't play) as he didn't get a squad place for the first half and on the odd ocasion that Carroll was fit, bagpuss still wouldn't play him even when Wilson was out. So if we do get Willock we're not really down on last season. Technically we still have Woodman and Watts available to so you could argue we are up. It's still not near enough when you see the amount Hendrick and Gayle have had to play in preseason mind.

If it wasn’t for this board I would have never heard of the loathsome cunt.

Which is effectively pointless in the context of moving the club forward under current ownership.

Disappointed that Hendrick doesn’t have a nickname

A bargain at that price.

What a fucking faff on btw, even if he does sign the fact it’s took this fucking long to sign a bloke that for our side is a complete no brainer of a signing, and is basically unneeded at Arsenal (in their view anyway) while basically running his contract down. They also seem pretty much incapable of going after multiple targets at the same time, Charnley must work an hour a day the useless puppet cunt.

Wish I could offer some insight but I've got no recollection of even posting that and absolutely no idea what it was supposed to mean.

AYE!!!!!!!

They'll be serving drinks in cups next, instead of relying on our Wearside brethren to scoop it out of a trough with their hands.

It's like a slightly less sinister League of Gentlemen character.

#Rustlers

“Fucking hell marras” ”well what’s wrang Kev?” ”me dairylea slice has gone! I had it when I was playing with wor nipper down on the metro lines yestahdee” ”anything could have happened, any of the wild staffys that hang about outside the ground might have got it” ”I’ll have to fuckin buy one of them cheeseburgers with the cheese already inside, little Darren will have to go without his monster munch this week… areet marra aye I’ll have a cheeseburger… a one with the cheese in” ”erm aye ok mate. Owt else” ”nee chance, and do me a favor mate make sure you heat it up a bit more to make sure the cheese is quite melty” ”I mean it’s pre packaged mate it all goes in the microwave together, but aye sure I’ll add another 30 seconds” ”Tell you what marras I could get use to this white glove service” ”aye amazing this service like Kevin, the lads on RTG will have to hear about this”

4th season in League One and owned by a chancer, a squad full of players nee fucker has ever heard of, but it's all right, as the stadium grub-peddlers heat up his cheese until it's "quite melted." Talk about the lap of luxury, you can guarantee none of the barcode stadium lads heat up cheese on a cheeseburger.

The best place to store cheese is your pocket

Is there a different type of cheeseburger I haven’t heard of? I.e. a one without the cheese already on.

How tight do you have to be to wander around with a dairylea slice in your pocket ffs

classy

Is his side job a sports masseur?

sadly waugh's renaming of the corner is the least of the problems with his tweet thing. the corner became my new home once the leazes was pulled down, loved it in there and the rivalry with the scoreboard. I'm willing to bet there was more folk in the strawberry bit yesterday than there was braincells.

The World Games is where they demo the sports under Olympic consideration and look at some of this shite Rock and Roll dancing means we could do our scouting in The Star when the Ska-Toons are on

Good riddance

Is his aviation partners the airfix Lancaster bombers, hurricanes, spitfires and stukas he plays with when he visits his mam's and tells her he's just looking for something in his old bedroom. ".....And here comes the Lancaster swooping down over the bed mountain and about to land on the rug runway looking majestic with it's new 'Rich energy' logo painted on in painstaking detail by the entrepreneurial genius William Story......Nnnnnneewoww...... listen to those Rolls Royce engines and surely a matter of time before they partner with the energy drink tycoon and....." "Did you say something dear?" "Err, no mum, still looking for an old book."

At least we’re top of the dry powder table

Who does actually care about it? I only just realised about it being just one week until the season starts but it’s not even worrying me. It’s going to be another shitshow regardless of us signing new players or not.

I had some liquorice late last night. I dreamt about "allsorts"

Not according to a certain ex-Villa manger

On the contrary, it made me more powerful than you could ever imagine.[/Marvel-standard dialogue]

I like to affectionately refer to it as the “Power Mince”

Cannot imagine the kind of kid who gets into competitive fast walking like. Football? Nah. Rugby? Nah. Running? Fuck right off! Fast walking is the sport for me.

Da fuck did I do?