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I was at a funeral yesterday. Turned up early and the doors opened to allow the last service to leave, and, I shit you not, they were absolutely blasting LMFAO'S "I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT" as the deceased's send-off.

"I've found a dinosaur egg!...... Ah no it's Andy's head."

Come on then. I fucking GUARANTEE you've got Rocket Man lined up for yours. Club Tropicana on arrival. The Pina Colada song as the curtains close on the coffin. And then Rocket Man as people file out. That's your funeral

Brewceys entire managerial career summed up in one sentence, relying on one or two players to do something special to snatch some points. Over 20 years in management and still a fucking fraud.

bruce wouldn't recognise the truth if it walked up to him smacked him in the face with a shovel. and by the looks of him, the truth has attempted it numerous times.

“Today, on Mysteries of the Soil, how was this Inca skull found in a Boldon churchyard?…”

6 months later, his “mates” from Metector Club will dig him up again.

They'll never run out of Birds Eye Potato Waffles and Findus Crispy Pancakes. Or as CT calls it, DATE NIGHT!

Isn't that the satellite channel you buy your kitchen gadgets from?

NOW he wants to listen to the experts.

Picturing Gemmill trying to recreate Richard’s riffy/rocky open-tuning sound as he stands in power stance in front of the mirror, windmilling his pink guitar

Coming from the bloke who tried to get shut of Grealish

Well go on then Hendrix, wtf does that mean?

Colback

You mean the sixth string? No need to patronise us. We do have feelings you know

One of your kids doing a reading, but it's just the lyrics from Cotton Eye Joe.

I wonder who his first game is against

Some fucker walked just behind myself amd my entire family as we were going into the kirk at my father's funeral. It was literally like a long lost son had appeared from fuckin nowhere... I resisted the temptation to front up to the cunt before the minister kicked off just as word came through from my brother that it was his mate Simon from Edinburgh who I'd actually met myself at least twice before (in my defence I think I was pissed a couple of times) in the preceeding three decades or so...and the fucker had shades on ...

#metoo

Bruce apparently implying he wouldn't have sold Armstrong or Ivan Toney unlike 'the previous manager'. So if Armstrong gets the winner tomorrow it's the mighty Rafa's fault, ok? How fucking desperate is this bloke? I wished I'd realised how good he is at nurturing talent as apart from the Longstaff's, Almiron and err, well, fucking everyone we wouldn't have big Jow up front if Bruce had've been here earlier and had young Arma knocking on the England door with Esteban Brucio working his unique coaching skills on him. He's still getting digs in at Benitez, man! Fucking desperate, this cunt.

Sorry, I’m not an expert in the rape game, Gemmill is my only frame of reference.

Especially given that he has recreated it numerous times over the years. Apparently, he wanted them to be part of his art show, but they did not respond - hence the need to sue. Funny how your ambivalence to, or embracing of, something turns to emotional distress when you can't get what you want. Also, why isn't he suing his parents for exposing him - do they not have any money. In fact, were they able to give consent on his behalf at the time anyway?

This interview with him is mint.

Nirvana sued by the baby from Nevermind's album cover https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-58327844 Fuck Right Off

They could have retained air support in the interim

3 leffes in. Could be

Look, we've already broken our own rules to buy Willock, what more do you want?

And keepers are usually the easiest players to get special dispensation for too. If Darlow is genuinely fucked with long COVID and Dubravka and Woodman were fucked, they would let us play an unregistered Gillespie, I’d imagine

Think Gloom is more likely on the mark

I see Ted Dexter passed away. I bet he’s have made a decent white ball player. RIP.

Well maybe Ryder hasn’t given the manager the praise and respect that he’s deserved for the fantastic job he’s done. Have you considered that.

He created a mess for personal gain because, at best, he didn’t understand what he was doing. And now he won’t even countenance admitting that he might have been wrong and that he’s partly responsible for what’s ensued. That’s not having a point, it’s just passing the buck

Also spotted this today. Said without a hint of irony by Kazumi Squirts

Shame he went into his shell a little this morning as he looked so fluent yesterday. Still an impressive return to the side. He has to be worth persevering with

Trooper and Renton facing off for the title of Toontastic's Grimmest Reaper.

Especially considering how much he’s benefited from obscene luck in the past two seasons

‘Look,hey,I thought we were unlucky to lose to Southampton.I think this break will do us good.Look,hey,Lee is working flat out to bring in one or two loan players who cannot get a regular game at their clubs,but we’re only going to bring players in who can improve the decent,balanced squad we have here.Look,hey,if we keep our big players fit,we’ll be ok.Luck is against us at the moment and Covid has done us no favours’.

He's just a walking bag of bacon and clichés. Penalties aren't a lottery, it's about scoring a goal from 12 yards out. They don't blindfold the players and turn them round ten times. You practice them until you get better at them. And once again he's bemoaning our lack of luck. If you're relying on luck to win games then maybe you're doing something wrong.

You'd think we'd be league champions by now the amount of concentration we've put on the league all these years. (Nice to see the 'haven't lost' spin being put on it by serial loser, Bruce. Charnley obviously saw a kindred spirit when he appointed him).

“We haven’t lost on the night” fucking hell man.

Fucking tragic man, just counting down the games until they finally realize they need to sack this blithering twat. We can focus on getting a kicking every league game now.

Do rockets work in a vacuum?

My local Tesco Express was out of sweet chilli rice crackers, if that counts.

I haven't noticed any issues yet, but I probably don't eat at McDonalds and Nandos as much as you.

"As the clamour grows on Tyneside to get the signing of Joe Willock from London over the line a certain Geremi also from a London club was making that same journey seventeen years ago from Chelsea and swapping the special one for the one you've got to come back for like the McEwan's best scotch advert where the Geordie lad with the Chris Waddle perm comes over the Tyne on a train home looking at the Tyne bridge." Lee 'knight' Ryder TMGRSWY.