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You should have skullfucked him into oblivion whilst singing Just One Cornetto.

got a midnight flight from zurich to bangkok enroute to sydney when me lad was 6. in the departure lounge he demanded a drink so I took him to the shop and told him to choose what he wanted out the fridge. he opted for red bull and being knackered I never even give it a thought, just bought it. he was like the tasmanian devil on coke still by the time we were crossing india. wife never spoke to me for about 3 days.

I need alcohol before I get on a plane. Or diazepam if its work related. Coffee would be my idea of hell, just increase my anxiety. Don't see anything wrong with medicating like this as long as you don't overdo it obviously. And yeah, for me the holiday starts once I'm through security. When my kids were young, flying back from Italy they were right pains in the arse kicking the seats in front etc. Not a lot I could do apart from distraction etc. Next day in the Supermarket, an older couple came up to me and said do you remember us? I was fairly scoobied as to who they were, until they said really pissed off " We remember you and your kids from the flight". Miserable old cunts, careful wykiki, don't let this be you!

I once had a romantic gondola ride in Venice and the gondolier was like a fucking fascist racist version of CT, wouldn't keep his mouth shut. Kept on singing the praises of Burlesconi and making thrusting actions at the wife. As an English coward, I just politely smiled.

You are quite literally a walking, talking stereotype.

I go to Italy on Monday and I must say I am pretty nervous about it. I have never liked flying due to the airports, I fucking hate them. They're full of thick cunts and it just boils my piss. I don't have a fear of flying, it's the thick as mince cunts. 'Did you pack you bag yourself Sir?' 'No like, like me bird did it for me init' WTF WHY? WHY? WHY? 'Only passengers from seats A-B please come forward' *woosh* 'Gary get the kids, we are seats Z so we need to be up there' CUNTS

I was extremely annoyed on the Eurostar the other day when a fat Essex family sat down opposite me, the kid started playing as West Ham on FM2022, they cracked open a few beers - and then started loudly laying into Boris and slagging off Brexit and the Tories to all and sundry. What am I supposed to do with my stereotypes now?!

To be fair if I had the death stare ability I think we've mentioned on here before then Airports would be one of my favourite kill zones.

Vurnon Anita signing in this scenario.....

All my 6 year old did when we arrived in Melbourne was throw up all over me. Must have been the dog nuggets at Maccas on the stopover in Singapore.

The English who go abroad and will hunt high and low for things they can get at home boil my piss. Was in a beach bar the other day and some grim as fuck Scousers walked in and one ordered a pie and chips with gravy ffs. All I could think was “Fuck off to Benidorm”

Steady on now, seething hatred for other people's kids is one of the true pleasures of travel!

I’d have asked for a pint of coffee. Then walked away

Pearson's latest update coming at you from BENIDORM! "Hi guys welcome to the channuw for anuvva excitun video. Fanks for stickun wiv the channuw guys, smash that like button and stand by for all the Newcastle transfer news and a sticky vicky update. Wew, what a woman guys, lit a lightbub up wiv just her fanny. Unbelievable guys."

well yes. nobody knew which way thstcher leaned till I spotted me missing school milk.

Someone take this kids football watching privileges off him

I hadn't looked on their messageboard for a good few weeks as their faux outrage on human rights issues by llargely but certainly not exclusively the same 20 or so posters had become tedious rather than hilarious. popped on there a few days ago to gauge their reaction to the cryptocurrency takeover and we were still top of the page. indeed, the thread on takeovers of them started on march the 4th was on 8k posts where as ours started on the 11 march was on 11k and it's about the 5th fucking one! they're fucking insane.

That’s just made me spit my coffee out all over Costa’s fake mahogany table, you’ve painted a scene worthy of any carry on film

hat doffed. you could've easily taken the plaudits for being extremely perceptive about hurst's political leanings but chose to give credit where it was due. I admire that.

Generally speaking my holiday wankers/nemesis are usually cockney wankers.

I'm not wholly serious of course, I feel sorry for anyone who has to try and keep their little hellions occupied and well-behaved on a long journey, or indeed on the holiday itself. But I do enjoy a good holiday nemesis, whether it's cursing a family of Teutonic sunbed-hoggers or sitting in a restaurant attributing increasingly outrageous far-right views to all the loud gammons on the other tables. It's the little things.

Even that poor dead Tiger is gasping for air due to his overwhelming stench, the trampy melt.

Adding #PremierLeague to that is probably his biggest delusion so far and that's a fucking high bar.

His son was in my class at school. He was a right cunt Rip

That’s reassuring

Right, putting together all the bullshit for a nice conspiracy theory. His agent went to Milan with what they wanted, Milan couldn’t meet it, so his agent has went to Newcastle, Sky Italia hearing the banter have moved to get ahead of the gazumping and have claimed our bid went up. Have to admit it’s a lot funner to follow than the Choudrey updates.

Considering how fucking knackered all the players look, it’s probably for the best

I personally don’t rate Calvert-Lewin, he’s scored around the same as Wilson in certain seasons, which is decent but I think he’s a very streaky striker rather than consistent. On Ekitike I read somewhere that Erling Haaland picks up a lot of these soft tissue injuries as well, which causes him to miss quite a lot of games - the piece seemed to say it’s possibly down to him still growing and his body adjusting, perhaps Ekitike is similar as he’s clearly still growing into his frame. I also think soft tissue injuries are treatable/avoidable, Milan lab consistently enabled players seen as injury prone with these type of injuries to suddenly become consistent starters. I think it would be more of a worry if this was ligament damage. I’m not in any way shape or form a medical expert so all this could be wrong, I’m just going off things I’ve read in the past.

Even if he was worth that it would be absolutely fuck all in terms of being able to spend enough to get them out of the championship. Obviously I don’t think he’s worth 10% of that. He’d also be all over a crypto con scheme like a rash if he was clever enough

In an alternate universe Steve Wraith is tweeting in a Charlton Athletic shirt at different parts of London about how close he is to buying a big stake in their club. (Close call who's got the most money, him or Billy). #Charlton #business #CAFCMatters #ladiesnight #F1 #Vicar

Aye. He must be the only bloke worth £28m to live in a Caravan.

I have serious sympathy for people with bairns on flights, especially long distance. I don't have kids but have travelled with my nephew and it's hard! When it comes to nippers I have patience. It's the thick as fuck adults who cannot follow simple common sense.

It shows he was either a shit banker, probably only tolerated due to his wife or he he doesn't really care if government money ends up in the hands of his mates. Given the non-pursuit of pandemic loan fraud its probably the latter - with maybe a bit of the former in the mix.

Caught a few minutes of it, was more than enough. Fiona Bruce pretending to play devil's advocate in a panel full of Tories just reaffirmed my idea of how far gone we are. Talk about limiting the spectrum of debate.

I just caught about 3 mins of Question Time, which I haven’t been able to watch for years and, fuck me. There’s barely anyone there who’s not a white bloke and you’ve got Tom Harwood being given a platform and holding court. Slick, nasty, divide and rule, horrible shit in a young, handsome package being given a platform by the BBC in the interests of ‘balance’.

It’s entirely possible he thought they were in the Championship last season.

A bigger travesty's not having Son in team of the year.

The Clown Shoe is wearing actual clown shoes.

Has he bought CTs garden sofa?

OH YEAH BABY

You started this paragraph loving it and by the end, you hate 60% of the show and hate the main star

A worse insult than an actual racism.

It was brokendoll that said it, you fucking lesbians.