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Eddie Murphy’s mate

He ticks every single fucking box!

1 point to @The Fish

Like Andy Cole retiring from international football.

"A master's with distinction? Well done young'un but how many other punks got the same thing in the same year? Hundreds? Thousands? Now the trinity mirror regional sports writer of the year award, guess how many won that in 2014? As one Frederick Mercury once almost said around the time big Jack Charlton was in charge at the cathedral on the hill, 'There can....be only......fucking one, bonny lad' and that one was the punter's champion, the Knight Ryder extraordinare. Lol."

The most enjoyable thing about today is reflecting on the fact that he won them a massive majority, we were all told that politics had changed forever and that the Left was gone, and then he completely blew it in record time just by being himself. His political epitaph is a simple "he fucked it". What a cunt.

I’d love you to be doing these updates live to camera from College Green.

Craig, you absolute fadge. You turned back up here in 2022 making all these health claims. Nowhere to be seen during Covid's heyday. You work in IT. As sure as you're currently wearing black jeans and a black t shirt and have a set of Warhammer figurines on a shelf behind your desk, you've had covid. Now shut it. Same goes for New Zealand boy.

Work Evented YP

Boris isn't leaving number10 until he's had his dinner

She's busy stripping the wallpaper off

Aye, I’m struggling with it but I’m also more focused on the season starting and Newcastle atm. I suppose, if Ashley were still here, it’d be a welcome break from the complete misery of the season but if we’re doing well, it’s just an inconvenience.

No, it’s been decreed that we’re still going this after her phoning and telling work she’ll be off for at least next week

that was an absolutely pathetic speech: self-congratulatory, delusional nonsense. exactly how i imagine he sounded when explaining to matron something wasn't his fault.

Yep. It's certainly a summer event, it's so cheapened now.

There's not a single one that isn't an absolute cunt. They are all complicit indefensible shitehawks There is no best

You low T bastard

The Venn diagram of the gammons, etc. up in arms about Johnson being ousted because they don’t understand our political systems and those claiming to be deeply proud of our traditions would be a perfect circle

I’m a huge fan of the Sinai desert and there’s no radiators in it. The lying cunt.

Poor Michael Gove. Countless numbers of MPs have told Johnson to go, 50 have actually resigned from government yet he's the only one who Johnson bothered to sack before they jumped.

I can think of no greater tribute to this administration than the fact that it will soon be reduced to a Johnson and a pair of Nads. Honestly it is frankly ridiculous that Toontastic isn't paying me for this material.

James Can’t (sorry, somebody had to?

Fucking shameless cunts.

Steve Bray chipping in with a saxophone parp to cover every obscenity

the herd to Johnson

I'd even give Diana Ross decent odds.

They’ll need to build some booster steps at the despatch box.

Think there's been a few already?

Sky News are getting a psychologist and body language expert in. Fuck me. Pay me, I'll tell you same. HE'S FUCKING MENTAL AND FUCKED!

Glad he didn't end up in nandos.

Fuck's sake