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"Hi guys, I had some spare spending money my granny gave me so decided to let one of these pretty ladies give me a massage as me neck was a bit sore from the flight. She asked me if I'd want a happy ending for a few euros more and I thought I'd be getting a happy meal delivered at the end. Guys, I wasn't expecting what happened!!! OMG, she touched my willy, it got all kind of tingly then there was white wee wee coming out!!!! Anyway, happy meal/happy ending, let me know in the comments if this has happened to any of you guys as I'm guessing it must be a European thing or something?"

Atlanta are the real deal; they’re incredibly well run. I think they’re in the top 15 for average attendances worldwide IIRC and make an absolute bomb from the commercial side of things. And if he managed to fleece us out of £22 million for Almiron, imagine what he can do with the other lot

You may as well tell him to hack the mainframe. The man has only just discovered gifs like a granny in a Whatsapp group, don't push him too far.

"I've been to a few Hilton hotels in the UK and they are really nice to be fair. They're normally about 3 star, 4 star. I would take it that the Doubletree is probably gonna be a 4 star. But yeah, highly recommend those hotels if you can afford it." Fucking Judith Chalmers has got nothing on this lad.

Fuck me, it's Gammon Top Trumps

"Their restaurant has this stuff called pesto, I don't know if any of you have tried it before but it is a taste sensation."

She drives me mental Scott. She broke a sofa leg and punched a hole through a floorboard by sitting down then said "It mustn't be built to take much weight"... I kept all this stuff quiet when I first started dating my Mrs, I didn't want to colour her first impressions if she ever met the sister. But now? My wife fucking hates her too A direct quote from Mrs Fish "If she calls me sis again, I'll fucking leave you"

Had to fully zoom in to make sure they didn't have Hitler in goal.

Well, she's certainly got a bitch for a brother. Fish the bitch.

WooooooOOOOOOOoooo he heads up the WHOLE of service delivery! Delivery will CEASE in its ENTIRETY if he takes his eye off the ball for even a second!

The virus when it gets close to Gemmill or Gloom

I'd say the odds of seeing him at the match are slim once he realises they have legal brothels in Germany.

I meant your sister, but fuck it let's get them both on and hash this sisterhood out.

I like Manquillo as he's reasonable at getting forward but if there's interest I reckon he'll be sold. Krafth is more versatile and is favoured by Howe and with Lewis returned from injury Howe might fancy giving him a spot in the 25 instead.

Diego'd your post.

If you ever needed confirmation that Exile68 isn't remotely bothered about human rights this is it. Ekitike is signing for Qatari PSG, not amnesty International

I’ve got an awesome and cheap way of staying cool in summer, it’s called living in Scotland.

After reading that.....

Looks like Trippier is making him feel really uncomfortable. Like he's quietly and calmly explaining how he's gonna kick his face off.

Aah fuck, that's a bad start to the weekend Worse for him mind

Munchen on that!

There ends my pre-season punditry, thanks for listening folks.

I'll still be sighing about this when the season starts.

CT made the trip complete with Saudi shirt and bucket hat, then?

Lindisfarne ringing out of the PA system in the beautiful Austrian countryside.

Who in the Sam Hill is Jax Taylor-Cooke? The only Jax I know of is the lad from Mortal Kombat with the metal arms. Hope it’s him, nobody will beat that fucker in a shoulder to shoulder

"Just looking at the Boots £4.90 meal deal, probably going to go for those apple slices. So, yeah, let me know what you'd get from Boots?" Taking notes for the next podcast, this is gold.

Why has his mam gone over for some weekend cash?

100%. Nothing wrong with having an experienced striker on the books, but we will have spent £50mil+ on two strikers in their 30s in the space of six months.

So far so good - no problems and might be too early to say but the outcome looks promising vision wise. Thanks for asking.

Never even heard of this. Presumably for the 17% of standers. You lot disgust me.

We need to get her on here, she sounds tremendous.

Oh I did. Her defence was "But I don't have COVID, so they're fine". I mean, whatever this illness is, it has you coughing, and exhausted and sweating and feeling faint. You shouldn't be passing it on to two septuagenarians with health issues, should you? You're fourty fucking two. You don't need mammy to make you hot chocolate and dab your forehead. Fuck sake.

And he's back with a vengeance

I'm sorry to interrupt this work legislation discussion, but this is important content.

Electric bikes!! Lazy twats.

I bet if he'd cost less/was a shitter player he'd be suspended in a heartbeat

The commentator is fucking shite. I wasn't paying attention for a second and he said Joelinton had gotten a second yellow. I thougt he was off, but the melt just meant second yellow of the game after Lascelles'. Tasty enough challenge from Big Joe, but not all that much intent I'd imagine.

well, that was shite. I'm a lot more keen to hear the story of the missing finger than I am to watch the second half.

Pierce’s day job seems to be to scoff at everyone who isn’t well off. He’s an absolute fucking unmitigated cunt

You and your moral responsibility. What are you doing here?

Seems crazy. Why are you not bollocking your sister though for accepting the invitation? She should have been like "Fuck no old man, I don't need 'killed my parents' on my CV"