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He’s middle aged, he woke up for a piss

@Howmanheymanis never gonna go for the stadium name change. Or is he....? INTERIOR 3:13AM ST. JAMES PARK BOARD ROOM CEO Darren Eales and Chief Commercial Officer Peter Silverstone sit at the Board table. Ties loosened, empty pizza boxes strewn across the table. They have clearly been working for hours on an unsolvable problem. EALES: It's no good Peter. There's nothing we can come up with to solve the HMHM problem. The guy (gumph) is unmovable. SILVERSTONE: We can do it Darren, we just need to... Silverstone leaps from his chair, grabbing a nearby flip chart. He pulls the cap off with his teeth, spitting it to the Boardroom floor and begins frantically writing. EALES: You're wasting your time, Peter! We can't- Silverstone, deep in concentration, brow furrowed, holds up his spare hand in a silencing gesture. He stops writing, and steps back to survey his work. EALES: What is it? Damn it Peter, don't keep me in suspense! Silverstone spins the flip board round, revealing his perfect script: SILVERSTONE: The Newcastle United Yes That's Fucking Right There's More Than One United Has Been Forever Although You Wouldn't Know It Watching Football Coverage Since the 90s Speaking of Which Fuck Sky Sports Especially That Bitter Cunt Souness And Don't Even Get Me Started on the BT Sport Pundits Especially On a Night Liverpool Are Playing SAUDI ARAMCO ARENA @ ST JAMES PARK. Eales rises from his seat, openly weeping and embraces Silverstone. EALES: Peter, you big glorious guy, you solved the HMHM puzzle. SILVERSTONE: That's nice Darren, but don't let him hear you call me guy. EALES: You're right, I forgot. END SCENE

Soo close.… ”GET IN THE TAXI, ITS CHINESE MOUSE TIME!”

Think it’s probably something undiagnosed tbh

"Who lives in a back garden with a leather settee like thiiiis...."

You're welcome.

He's been told to write down his dreams by his therapist as soon as he wakes up while it's fresh in his mind.

He needs someone to give him an ultimatum, resign or Terese Coffey'll sit on your face (after an hour in a sauna).

Then tip in six buckets of Kwik Save chip shop curry sauce, and an authentic South Asian feast is yours!

Fatty meats are best cooked low and slow. I reckon 2 weeks at gas 4 and he’ll be ready.

He’s clearly dropped a tab of BONG!

He’s a cunt. He can get to fuck tbh

craig, please. i've been playing helicopter with my wang out for months now

Crispiness Tree

I like how Gaugin says alreet btw @Monkeys Fist anyway… The Indian restaurant I used to work for was so secretive I had to sign a legal agreement that I wouldn’t share the flatbread recipe Just their standard naan disclosure agreement.

The courts ruled that it would have been annulled because of irregularities IF it had been a binding referendum (i.e. it was bent), it was an advisory referendum and as such the court could not adjudicate to annul the result of something that wasn't binding. The government (ERG) made an advisory referendum "binding" for their own ends after the fact.

How dare you. You know he only uses Lloyd Grossman

Bruce is proof of the adage that it isn’t what you know, it’s who you know that counts. I don’t know who he knows, but I’m certain he knows fuck all about managing a football club.

The second best thing is kill them if you did.

So, to save the planet we have to become vegan virgins? Kill me now.

This was you. Up early delivering t’ hovis

That's fair enough actually, ok. Sorry

Don't throw sodium chloride at people. That's a salt.

Sorted for the Palace game at the very least. Any mid week game means having to put a holiday in for the day after mind

*Couldn’t get Kwik Save curry, used 13 gallons of Aldi Lamb Bhuna sauce instead.

Yeah, but with a longer recovery period and added dressing room contretemps. Honestly think their biggest issue has been recruitment. Playing that style in all competitions means you're going to burn through players like three ply Andrex after 6 pints of bhuna. But they've only signed 4 first team players in the last 2 seasons. 9 of their first team are over 30, their midfield's average age is 27.6 and that's distorted by 19yr old Harvey Elliot.

I worked in government on sustainability stuff in the noughties. I was at the time advocating for adaptation as well as mitigation, but it’s harder to profit by providing resilience. It was obvious, even under Labour, we had fuck all chance to turn it around. Sustainability issues were almost always the least weighted factor in any project. Sometimes 10%, often 5. Then the Tories & Lib Dems (“Greenest Government Ever”) came in and slashed all the green budgets. I walked away. Despite my degree, beliefs and hopes, the money machine is simply not for turning. It’s laudable to try and fix things, at any level, but it ain’t going to happen. Pissing in the unseasonably hot wind. The future is programmed now. Buckle up Susan, try and be a decent person, enjoy your life and eat less cows, you fat heffer.

It’s a high steaks gamble tbh.

But it didn’t, it was bent as fuck and if it had been a binding referendum it would have been annulled per the courts.

Not a downer at all, just tend to err on the side of cautious optimism. Further on that side than many of us, rightfully so with our history. It's actually great to see you, and others, letting our hair down and predicting results befitting the performances we've experienced of late. Also, you didn't apologise for anything on that post nor this one... so I've still got my eye on you. 🧐

Man United (a) - Fuck knaas Everton (h) - Fuck knaas Spurs (a) - Fuck knaas Villa (h) - W Southampton (a) - Fuck knaas Chelsea (h) - Fuck knaas

Most footballers are thick as fuck and pretty lazy beyond training and playing. So it follows that most pundits are too. They don'tt have the intelligence and don't make the effort to properly study what they are talking about. It's telling that even sky sports are getting podcasters and the like onto shows to talk about their teams more and more. They've discovered these people know a lot more about what they are talking about. Yes they might not have the inside the dressing room knowledge that Robbie Savage and Gabby Agbonlahor have, but they're also not complete cretins who can barely count to the number they used to wear on their backs. They look at stats and watch countless games involving their own teams as well as others. They also see how the game is changing to be much more based on statistics. The regular pundits, even the younger ones, come from an era once removed from this and simply don't get it. I can see a time in the not too distant future that the traditional ex pro pundit is phased out unless they can show themselves to be a lot more on the ball than ones we've had for the last twenty years.

Can just imagine it Brucey: "Alreet Erik, how fit are you?" Pieters: "Not at all. Think im going to retire as haven't had any offers." Brucey: "Don't be silly, ill sort you out with a 12 month contract" Pieters" "Thanks Steve. We still on for the family dinner on Thursday?"

That’s clearly just a projection on the inside of the ice dome. It looks red because over distance the denpressure makes light smell of piss, or something like that.

Well there goes any chance of economic growth. Well done, everyone.

Zero chance of a GE if that happens.

TBH It'd be a great midfield to join as a DM as both Bruno and Joelinton don't shy away at all from defensive responsibilities.

The won't lose the SJP part of the name. It'll be SJP powered by Aramco or something similar.

Didn't someone on here say, ages ago, that the way he has his teams playing means they'll have one unbelievable season, then be so physically, mentally and emotionally fucked that the next season is a bit of a bust?

the sooner we accept that industrial scale animal agriculture is the biggest threat to the planet, the sooner we can start doing something about it. The problem is people don’t want to hear it. What we put in our body is a highly personal thing and people don’t like being told what they’re doing is wrong.

@Gemmill All of that at 4-5 in the morning What’s your secret

Even Camilla's tampon is taking the piss.

talk about gnashing teeth

We should buy him and have him as backup to Miggy.