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a football match held in the fair city of newcastle, north east england, uk. game commences at 8pm and despite 8 million refreshes of the resale site and i'm still fucking ticketless. you have your match thread lads, it's now over to you lot to bully gloom in to handing over his ticket to my very noble cause. we can't afford for him to jinx this one.

Happy birthday CT. From the biggest WUM on the board to much-loved cult hero - the biggest turnaround since Joelinton turned into the new Patrick Vieria. Finally getting the hang of this message board lark

I could see Ancelotti taking it tbh. He’ll jump at the chance to work with the more talented Bellingham brother

5-0. Wilson double hat trick.

Can you get me this CT?

Err

This reply..... "Dont blame it on the weather Dont blame it on the shite team Dont blame it on mowbray BLAME IT ON THE BACKSHIFT"

Such a lovely message spoiled by a typo. I fixed it though.

Fair play, you've certainly got the entrepreneurial spirit. Sorted this for Gemmill in the toontastic secret santa *. Seriously tempted to get this for my work colleague, although probably not worth the dsicplinary. * Secret forum, sorry.

I think that's code for 'the black lads can't hack a NE winter'.

It wasn’t the manager, it wasn’t the missing Nissan employees, it was the, erm, lack of thermal kit

Meanwhile:

we can only hope HMHM is at work, that is the only magic that could counteract the stench of impending gloom-doom

Just a reminder- it’s 60 candles on a cake, not 60 cakes and a candle. Happy Birthday Weeble.

When I was dipping my wick in France, there used to be a fortnightly party held in a little village , Vagnas, ( aye ), where they’d serve Marquisette, a red wine and “alcohol” punch, for 50p a glass. There’d be 4-500 seasonal workers , Brits, French, Dutch, Aussies, every time, getting mullered. They’d open and close it with this… Was fucking hilarious hearing pissed French lasses trying to sing it. RIP Shane

Happy Birthday CT, Sofa so good

Don’t worry about that I’ve had a word with some lads. Do you have a preferred orthopaedic surgeon?

Is that Sam shagging Frodo? Never before has this been more apt.

Here's a selection of Mowbray out and replacement threads. Not sure I like the sounds of Duncan Fergus on being an ass manager mind....

When you play 46 cup finals in a season you’re bound to lose a couple.

That’s your taxi queue look.

Will Nigel Farage admit he’s a fucking cunt?

Happy birthday, CT, the biggest mug of them all!

I thought he was shit now? I can't keep up

Well, whoever it is needs to have an understanding of the "model". Which will be quite difficult because as far as I aware the model is some tenuous concept that exists only in the heads of the MLF's of the SMB. As a scholar of the SMB, I have atempted to understand this canon of mackem folklore, and I think managed to establish that in essence, the model is buying kids, hoping they come good, and selling them for a profit, all the while remaining in the league (not get relegated or promoted). So, the same as most lower league clubs then, with a bit less ambition. Ashley definitely bought the wrong club.

Thermal kit? It's football lads, not an RPG (that's right guys, I bought an xBox recently at 47).

That was the best I’ve seen them play this season and they still looked very brittle. It was on a heavy pitch and we’ve got an extra days rest so hopefully that can help us. Let’s hope Onana can take this form into the game as well.

Are we past the wedding season, then?

They're getting better tbf. They restricted Galatasaray to 3 goals this time.

Warnock has basically become a Championship relegation expert so of course they want him in for a promotion charge

But… hang on. I thought they didn’t want to be in the Corrupt Preemya Leaygue? Isn’t this a perfect result for them?

🎶He drops in when he wants He drops in when he waaaants His name is Stevie, He drops in when he wants.🎵

I know he's Dutch but he needs to get off that stuff.

Good news, I am going and will save the day. My record is fucking tremendous this year, and last year too* (nothing to do with our home form generally being great I am sure). This, combined with the divine righteousness of tbd on our side, will be enough to banish the malignant vibes emanating from the tofu eating, hover board riding, southern ponce. * Liverpool gamesd don't count.

Happy birthday, CT. Can you do a Mug-Righter General mug for a certain Steven Marshall-Baines?

What in the name of fuck are you two doing to this thread?

My first day in my current role... walked into my office to find a photo of Dolly Parton's face hanging on the wall; after asking around it was apparently done in humour by my predecessor. I binned it and hoyed a photo of her at her best up. New dawn, new day. Went down well; HR is for girls and cowards.

You know what pisses me off most about you and your anecdotes, it's what a wasted life I've had in comparison. Want to send a message back to my past self and say: "Hoy! Listen up young Renton. Get your fucking head out of that text book, learn how to climb, and get over to France and get that wick dipped in continental clunge. Don't fucking worry about the future you fanny 'cos all that bring is angst and anxiety anyway. As sickboy says, 'tomorrow will fucking look after itself'".

Also CT, you have to make a Denise Squelch mug with this on it. 10% royalties to me and MF for the idea. Be a best seller.

Happy Birthday CT. I hope your next hobby is a masculine one.

You just know this is going to degenerate when MF clocks this post.

I love how when they get beat there'll be at least one who starts a thread with a one word title which will be the surname of a manager they have no realistic chance of getting. In this instance 'MackemMagic' does the honours with his 'Potter' thread.

Happy Birthday @Christmas Tree . Whats for tea? 15 gallon of Bhuna?

Turns out PSG getting a spawny draw against us was only Hilarious for 24 hours