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Had a lump in my tit. Had to go to the breast cancer clinic to get it checked out. Thankfully it was nothing and the doctor reckoned it's probably off eating too much fake protein in shakes/bars/yoghurts. The experience at the clinic was probably the most emasculating of my life though. A young lass had to squeeze my pec (moob) into a breast scanner, then I had to sit in a waiting room full of elderly women for 2 hours staring at a wall and getting side eyed, before the doctor asked to examine my balls in case I had a lump there too. Drove myself home after and didn't even put the radio on. Just sat in silence feeling violated. FML

It's one of those Dutch auctions you used to see on those shopping channels, wor MBS is lowering the price by 500k every 30 mins

When I had the finger up the arse just before Christmas, he kept pressing really hard and going "and that doesn't hurt?"...... "errr no, I mean it's not nice but it doesn't hurt" which he just seemed to take as a personal insult and tried again "..... That's not hurting?!" As close to being finger fucked as I've ever been.

Looks like Pope meant to post that on Wilsons page?

Is Kelvin a prince and did he ask for your bank details ?

So that's Delap and Pedro they've conceivably done us for in just one month... Think an admin might as well close the "Gazumped y'fuckas!!" thread. Sorry @Howmanheyman but it's for the best.. Had to meet (suffer?) some of the now semi permanent Mrs PL's work colleagues last night. There was a kid there called Kelvin who is a 27 year old Nigerian Arsenal supporter. I told him beware Chelsea for the title next season and he laughed in my face. I also told him that Arteta was too mentally weak to win a league title. That fuckin shut him up

"The player would prefer a move to London" apparently. If that's right, I hope he crashes and burns for those bellends.

Posts 400 of the 400th thread on "Mag tops"

I had a similar experience at the doctor’s recently. I’ll spare you the details but degrading is an understatement. I’ll just say I was being examined in what can only be described as a vulnerable pose. Thankfully all clear here too

Getting 16 year old Shane vibes, CT?

I've said it before and I'll say it again. PSR is the VAR of the transfer window. In principle its a good idea, and if it was executed well (and fairly) it would make things better, but as it is it doesn't and any chat around it is diabolically boring.

Mental to me that some randoms from shite leagues are more exciting to some people than proven premier league players. We have seen what Howe does with run of the mill premier league players (like Burn) he turns them into international players. Are all of our first 11 internationals now? Apart from Murphy who should be. We have the best manager in the league at developing players. He has targets that he thinks he can develop. We should give him the grace the buy the players he wants and develop them.

When I've been reading all the references to this bloke, I've been thinking he plays for Atlanta as in the team we sold Miggy to which made me think they've got a nerve plating hardball, This has just made me realise it's Atalanta. I blame the heat.

Plain

Prior to me having the camera up the japs eye they did an ultrasound scan on my balls. The nurse said she would step out whilst I undressed. Then I laid there with my cock out 🤣

I can remember being desperate to see pardew get a couple of years for nutting meyler.

this thread is fucking shite. feast your eyes and ears on this '70s classic instead....

Aye. There isn't only HMHM who watches the Italian game.

It's all just a distraction piece from how badly their bollocks are gonna get flicked next season. They've got another 8 weeks or so of "mag shirts" and "sunlun's global reach" to talk about before their fucking world falls apart.

I've had a few experiences like that, I'll just embrace it if it ever happens again, maybe stick a daffodil up my arse to soften the scenery?

he'll probably know toonpack then.

@PaddockLad, where have you stolen and hidden this?

Matthew Syed is an utter cunt who's never been right about anything

Pleased to hear you're alright btw. The one stop shop stuff they do for bollock and tit scans these days are a brilliant change though, where you leave knowing the story. Instead of having to go home wondering what the lad on the ultrasound saw and wait for a letter, like it used to be. I reckon they just got one look at the captain of team handsome and thought fuck it I'm getting a look at his balls too.

It must have been at least 15 years since I had that email address 🤣

It will if he gets all three hands up there!

He didn’t even get a red card for it at the time and the player on the receiving end made no issue of it. His problem with the SFA was that they understandably banned him for it. Part of the ban was served while he was in prison and the SFA tried to make it that the ban only started when he got out. I’ve heard him on a couple of podcasts and he came across well. He understands that alcohol got him into a lot of trouble and knocked it on the head.

The Portsmouth performance under Hippoheed Allardyce should’ve seen him hung, drawn and quartered. Then have Keegan take a shit down his neck hole.

A police sergeant familiar with Ferguson's legal history saw it on the TV and made a complaint ... this is an example of why I no longer live in Scotland

My invite must have got lost in the post. I joined Prime last month so I can't imagine not getting one?

Matthew Syed challenges you to a game of ping pong.

Oh, I'd be delighted too. I suspect we may get only one of Pedro and Elanga though.

I think Trafford, Pedro, Elanga and a CB would be a mint window. Trafford - Just broke the record for clean sheets in the Championship and could be our number 1 for the next 15 years. Surprised Man Utd aren't after him to replace Onana. Pedro - 30 goals in the last 2 seasons. Perfect replacement for Wilson and can play at LW, CF or 10 Elanga - Nigh on matched Murphy's best ever season for us, despite only being 22 and playing for a worse team. He's 6 or 7 years off being at his peak and already knows how to play with Isak at international level. Elanga and Pedro both have hefty sell on clauses so we are going to end up paying 20% over the odds, but if we can peddle Targett, Dubs, Willock, Longstaff et al to cover it, who cares?

Yeah I get it, the weird lass from holiday is more exciting that Melissa from Shildon. But you know what Melissa can do. I wanted to mute this thread ages ago, I should have just ignored it

Its the mystery of it, its more fun. Unless you're signing a properly world class player from within the league then its someone good from here vs someone you know less about from there. The second option is less known and therefore more exciting. We've lost a lot of that now with wall to wall football coverage and stats and whatnot but it's like how watching the world cup or euros when we were kids was more fun than it is now because you had full countries turning up with players you know nothing about and then some of them would be signed by teams on the basis of that tournament performance alone. It was just more of a laugh which for me at least is what I want football to be.

I don’t think they’re more exciting but they are cheaper and PSR has turned us all into fucking accountants

I was thinking that. Wrist is killing now

I like to think this is step 1: can we fill the positions we need, with young but PL experienced players, at a price we like? Stick in bids for Elanga, Pedro, Trafford, RCB?, and see if we can get them for the price we want (say 50m, 50m, 30m, ?) Each one that works out, great. Each one that doesn't work out, move onto step 2: can we fill the positions we need with young but experienced players from the other top european leagues, at a price we like? Stick in bids for [I know nothing about other leagues, sorry!] for say (45m, 45m, 20m, ?). After that, there would be other steps (hot cheaper propects, older cheaper players, etc). Anyway, that would be my sensible, structured summer transfer strategy for bringing players in for the positions we need filled for the squad this season. Anyone know of a club that's looking for a new sporting director? My rates are very reasonable...

I get what people are saying about Elanga, may main concern is him not being a one season wonder. But he's certainly got the attributes to be a consistently great player. If we get him for around 50M it's a great buy imo, proven at this level, hard working, very much fits into how Howe likes to play, will provide the dept we need with CL games etc. If we pay north of 60M you start wondering if we're getting value for money. I hope there's enough interest in Longstaff/Willock to generate a 25-30M fee allowing us to strengthen in CM too, maybe get an upcoming creative playmaker from Europe to get the juices flowing here

yeah, i dunno if they'd be batshit enough to acquire a nuke, let alone launch one preemptively. not sure i agree with renton on that one, though nor would i want iran to get its hand on a nuke to test his theory re: hamas, i dunno if i'd be as charitable to describe them as cornered animal, as if they don't bear some responsibility for Israel's retaliatory strikes. i hate hamas every bit as much as i hate netanyahu. my position is this: there is zero justification for what netanyahu has done to gaza. none whatsoever. it pains me to say this as a pro-israeli, but it is ethnic cleansing. netanyahu and his cronies should stand trial for war crimes. the only longterm outcome for the next generation of israelis is more fear, insecurity and death. you can try and destroy then annex gaza but this isn't going away. his actions turned israel into a pariah state while recruiting the next generation of hamas terrorists. that's all it's achieved - along with the slaughter of thousands of innocent civilians. however, hamas - and by extension iran - knew exactly what they were doing when they launched the october 7 attacks. they knew the israeli response would be brutal. the truth is khameni/netanyahu and hamas all wanted the conflict. both netanyahu and hamas need it to cling to power, which is all they care about - neither side care about the people they represent.