Leaderboard

I‘m actually really not arsed about the transfer window. I started supporting Newcastle about 30 years ago and for the most part it was worrying about the next season and if things were going to be worse. Last season was the most amazing experience for me as a football fan taking in mind I celebrated two world cups and one European Championship with Germany (I was not really into 1980). I am pretty sure something will happen until the end of August. We might miss some targets but will end up with other players Eddie will make to be great. Instead of worrying about signing or missing out of some players I do rather wait on who we will play next season and what opportunities might arise to get a ticket. I am more pissed off with some random foreign fans getting to take part in adverts considering the pain I suffered for three decades. All will be well. Or not. I will still die having seen Newcastle lifting a cup. I am happy, I enjoy supporting Newcastle. Something that was difficult for quite a long time.

Keyth: "Alright marras, I'm Keyth, FTM?" Everyone: "Alright Keyth, FTM" Keyth: "I like to make unbelievable yet still somehow dull stories up about the mags anaarl..... God it feyls grayat getting it off me chest." Chair Marra: "dinna worry about it Keyth, wa'al bullshitters ere at massive lads fans and massive tales anonymous, like."

'wewww, what wa mwain fwing is, wor weddie is not happwie' 'MAM! I've towld yow, when the wed light is on, imw wecording, but was, can I pwease have alwphabettie spwagetthi'

Lass with ADHD: "We decided against the move in the end, my ADHD has calmed down a bit and it is a bit of an upheaval what with...." Door opens: "How do? Wykiki, here! I say what I like and I like what I say! ADHD did I hear you say? Sounds like a shit rock tribute band, luv!" Lass with ADHD: [phones partner] "What time's the next flight, darling?"

Mental to me that some randoms from shite leagues are more exciting to some people than proven premier league players. We have seen what Howe does with run of the mill premier league players (like Burn) he turns them into international players. Are all of our first 11 internationals now? Apart from Murphy who should be. We have the best manager in the league at developing players. He has targets that he thinks he can develop. We should give him the grace the buy the players he wants and develop them.

So, my great uncle (who I've talked about on here before) who was missing/KIA in 1915 will be laid to rest, with full military honours etc. In September on the 110th anniversary of the battle/his death. I will be there. Just been on the phone with BBC Scotland who are looking at covering the discovery, identification and ceremony as a documentary and they want to film with me and the artefacts (letters) we have. Yikes Toonpack on TV 😂

Had a lump in my tit. Had to go to the breast cancer clinic to get it checked out. Thankfully it was nothing and the doctor reckoned it's probably off eating too much fake protein in shakes/bars/yoghurts. The experience at the clinic was probably the most emasculating of my life though. A young lass had to squeeze my pec (moob) into a breast scanner, then I had to sit in a waiting room full of elderly women for 2 hours staring at a wall and getting side eyed, before the doctor asked to examine my balls in case I had a lump there too. Drove myself home after and didn't even put the radio on. Just sat in silence feeling violated. FML

this swedish cunt not signed yet?

Certainly does

next time keith.... buy 4 remoulds and drive faster.

They must've misplaced mine and TBD's invite?

You can’t knock his choice of best man.

Watching that Olivia Rodridgo lass with my now teenage daughter. "At least she's easy on the eye" I say. "Paedo" says she. FML I feel old.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. PSR is the VAR of the transfer window. In principle its a good idea, and if it was executed well (and fairly) it would make things better, but as it is it doesn't and any chat around it is diabolically boring.

We all know Keith from the SMB is thick as pigshit and boring as fuck to boot. Perhaps he has some emotional intelligence after hearing about the tragic death of Diego Jota? Nah, of course not, time for another boring as fuck driving anecdote from the brain donor.

what exactly do you have against the generic small time football blather thread?

Stores it in his knees

I'm having to make a fucking piss diary this week btw, before going in to the hospital on Friday to piss into a special toilet to see how fast I can do it. It's a total waste of time as well cos this is for the poor cunts who are up in the night and who drink 1 litre and piss it out in 10 x 100ml trips to the bogs. I'm not remotely experiencing those symptoms but apparently a urology referral at 49 comes with this hurdle. Anyway it's nice to have to write down the volume of every drink you have for a few days and then piss into a jug before tipping it into the toilet. Keeps you honest.

Knopfler went to school in Gosforth, which was historically in County Durham.

The singing Detective is actually being remade for the 2020s....

Criticism of Israel does not equal antisemitism. Chanting death of the IDF isn’t antisemitism. Chanting death to the IDF is however most likely a crime in this country but not antisemitic. It is probably wrong and I did think of the likes of Gloom’s conscripted family when I read about it. Bibi seems to liken any criticism of the Israeli government’s actions to antisemitism and it couldn’t be further from the truth but it has worked for him. The likes of Bob Vylan and Kneecap know they aren’t making a difference by making a stand but it keeps it in the public eye when the UK government appears to be doing fuck all about it.

Should've made the lass white for extra gammon kick off motivation.

absolutely fuck all happening in here again. so, I give you this masterpiece, getting on for 50 year old, blew me away when I was kid and responsible for an ongoing love of electronic music...

Boris Yeltsin, Arthur Askey, Mike Neville and Mikhail Gorbachev joining Wraith is quite the line up

Mate you can still go and watch your beloved Villa Women's team. They've just got a new daddy now.

I feel like Mbuemo was, but as soon as he publicly said he wanted man u and 250k a week we just went "fuck that" and moved on. Given our wage structure I am perfectly happy with that, as much as I rate him.

I had ball cancer the first time so half of Salford and Manchester have seen my cock and balls during inspections. I really didn’t enjoy a doctor bringing in two what looked to me teenage girls, who were apparently trainee doctors. If they have to learn I suppose it best be on the smallest cock in town so they can get used to it.

For those outside the region struggling to understand, “Geordie boys taking the piss. We fucking are ⚫️⚪️” translates as “ Dear Eddie Bring me back please”.

It's one of those Dutch auctions you used to see on those shopping channels, wor MBS is lowering the price by 500k every 30 mins

then he goes out for a jog...

they'd just sell themselves kings road. the premier league would say aye ok and then you'd never hear another thing about it.

Whatever way you look at it, it's a piss poor start to summer proceedings. Very insipid. It's difficult to pin down who's to blame but there appears to be failures on multiple fronts. - Mitchell appears to have been a horseshit hire. Done nothing but stir amongst key personnel at the club and lambast the very successful transfers done previously. Yes, perhaps under PSR we do need to shop differently than buying expensive premier league talent but how often do we actually do that? Sales were minimal because our players weren't of a standard others would pay top or moderate £ for. - We've been led to believe that the lack of investment in 3 windows and selling Almiron & Kelly halfway through the season, would benefit immediate and future windows. Hardly hit the ground running, pre season starts next week & Eddie explicitly stated his desire to do transfer business early. Brunos post match wording appeared to back up the necessity for new players & it felt like a great show of defiance against Mitchell (who fucked off swiftly after) and a reminder to the board. We don't seem to have acted on that. - If we are constrained by PSR, then focus on a few acquisitions rather than trying to low ball clubs, to hit an accumulative figure that means you get everything you want. Buy what you can without the piss being taken out of you and shop again in the next window. Constant refreshment of the side is a vital show of ambition and positive for team morale & standards. Alternately, shop for a mix of ready made players and lower value ones in Europe and take a punt. Yes we need to get most things right & we have to date but it feels we're at an impasse now. - The fact we haven't replaced Eales yet is a joke. There seems to be a lack of management at the top & decision makers aren't making decisions. - Communication across the board has been awful for a good while now on multiple fronts and that supports the previous, doesn't feel like there are decision makers at the club or, not all are pulling in the same direction. This time of the year is meant to be enjoyed. Just won a trophy, qualified for the champions league again, we have players who every other club wants & we on paper, have excellent backers with material growth opportunities evident. We also have the best manager I think we've ever had. Expecting him to perform miracles is totally unfair & I think if he's not backed & we don't see material growth, he and or players will want out. He's a clever operator and playing small bits out in public to swing power in his direction but surely this is pissing him right off? I'm hoping we pull a few signings out the bag in the coming weeks. Ones not linked to in the press (as has been the case in the past) and hopefully they get us excited. If not, massive opportunity missed & a big uphill climb this season. Also, fucking sign Trafford for fuck sake. It's getting tedious.

Paddy McGuinness plays Dracula, or Ralph Malph's great grandson. That's the pool we're fishing in.

Yep!

Do they even still make that drink.

that is a total fucking stupid, pointless lie. What a set of dickheads they are, they're like their own support group. They're all lying, they all know they're lying, but it's making them feel better about thenselves so no one's prepared to produce the pin and burst the bubble. Proper sad sacks.

How's the bacon did you say? Awesome

You're that "my question is more of an observation" guy from fan convention Q&As, except with you it's "my question is more of a CUNTS"

FYP

So that's Delap and Pedro they've conceivably done us for in just one month... Think an admin might as well close the "Gazumped y'fuckas!!" thread. Sorry @Howmanheyman but it's for the best.. Had to meet (suffer?) some of the now semi permanent Mrs PL's work colleagues last night. There was a kid there called Kelvin who is a 27 year old Nigerian Arsenal supporter. I told him beware Chelsea for the title next season and he laughed in my face. I also told him that Arteta was too mentally weak to win a league title. That fuckin shut him up

Posts 400 of the 400th thread on "Mag tops"

When I had the finger up the arse just before Christmas, he kept pressing really hard and going "and that doesn't hurt?"...... "errr no, I mean it's not nice but it doesn't hurt" which he just seemed to take as a personal insult and tried again "..... That's not hurting?!" As close to being finger fucked as I've ever been.

Looks like Pope meant to post that on Wilsons page?

Schrodinger’s mackems. Where you’re simultaneously a ‘massive’ club with global recognition whilst being utterly obsessed with how you’re perceived in relation to your rivals (as per that thread) and are a stepping stone for promising youngsters