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Mixed. Found a lump on my ribs (got a scan this weekend), think I might have flu too. I’ve been rough as fuck for a couple of days but none of the stated corona symptoms. House is upside down from all the work, still waiting on planning permission to do the major work because it’s a conservation area and planning departments are shitholes full of jobsworths. On the flip side my old man has finished his cancer treatment and it’s looking positive so far, and I’ve been offered a director level role within a different part of the group I currently work for. Less stress, more interesting work and more money. Look after yourselves

CT’s fantasy shag iirc

I just imagine he spends his time hanging about his utility room on the back of the house wearing a slightly undersized shirt waiting until his neighbor goes into the garden, then as soon as his neighbor is 4 steps into the garden he bursts out the door ”eeee y’alright Dave, D’ya believe the weather” an under the breath fuckin hell from Dave before “how’s it going Mark, yeah nice weather, anyway mate I’m a bit busy....” ”tis isn’t it, anyhoo I’ve been noticing you’ve been planting some things near the fence and I just want you to know you might be infringing on my property the way they hang over the fence, not my complaint Dave! You know me, never a problem, haha no it’s her in doors was mentioning it while we watched our soaps on the telly” basically I reckon he’s a cunt.

Guessing his home is a lean-to in the woods, scruffy lord of the rings looking twat.

The bairn started secondary school a couple of weeks ago. Within 3 days we were notified that 3 6th formers had tested positive and the whole of 6th form had to isolate whilst they waited on guidance from PHE which they couldn’t get because it was the weekend. A few days later one of the kids in J’s year tested positive. The guidance was for kids that had been in his immediate contact to isolate for 2 weeks but the rest of the year could come in. Siblings of the isolating kids were still instructed to come in as normal. It’s a shitshow. Icing on the cake was when the bairn came back from his dad with symptoms. I was pretty convinced it was a heavy cold but also shitting myself. I also had to break the news that his/our lovely cat had died over that weekend and spent the next couple of hours consoling him while he covered me in tears and snot while I literally held my breath as much as possible. Ended up getting him a test through work which was negative. My second thought, after the relief, was the thought that if I ended up catching the fucking thing via school after intubating Covid-+ve patients for 6 months then I’d be raging.

Lass to bloke: 'Ya yewzing that Lang stick cozza covid, marra?" Bloke to lass: "Nah, petal, it's coz ya minge is honking. FTM."

Think I know ugly mackem’s alter ego....it’s been there for years, hiding in plain sight....

Bruce as the var was being played....

Brewcey, The Special Needs One.

Well, at least the lack of calories isn't affecting your mood.

If either the energy drink or the data systems company were moderately successful (let alone living up to the claims he makes) than you would imagine it would be difficult for one person to be the CEO in both companies let alone doing all this other stuff. It makes you wonder if he’s not quite all he claims to be.

Including making eye contact. (I'm aware that's in London but it gave me a giggle. As if we willingly acknowledge each other down here anyway.)

I want one of them to find a can of that stuff for sale and it to to turn out to be blue

Good man

Fun Fact ... Since Opta began collecting exact Premier League goal times in 2006, Callum Wilson's penalty equaliser for Newcastle (96:20) is the latest any side has scored with their first shot on target.

What a thoroughly unlikable shithouse

I don’t like VAR but in this instance it’s the handball law to blame. It’s mental. But it’s Mourinho and Spurs so it’s fucking brilliant

I'd take Eddie Large over Bruce.

That picture of him coked off his nut meeting Ben Arfa was funny though

I dunno how you fucking dare, you were displaying serious Rik off the young ones energy back in Feb, bouncing off the walls "LADS THE WORLD IS ENDING AND THE LADY WHO SITS NEXT TO ME HAS THE SNIFFLES." I repeatedly had to peel you off the ceiling and put you back behind your desk.

The cost of what you're suggesting and the consequent delay of those kids and the ones coming behind them being delayed from entering the workforce for a year plus having a fallow year at universities is estimated at £5.6 trillion pounds over the first ten years. Your missus' life simply isn't worth that much.

What’s MAOGA?

Worst case scenario, give the baby a bucket and sponge and say you're paying them to do your windows. Sorted.

Please nobody make extended eye contact with my mam

"Chico's great but..."

it’s funnier than telling a stranger his home towns a shithole..

Bit harsh there, he’s from a good family, which, let’s face it, is the important thing....

Fucking genius.

BRB going to read the readytogo match thread

Too slim for that to be Brewcey, and the N would be a M

Imagine posting on a message board asking for support for your football club and having a mouth breather telling you where you live is a shit hole.

You spent a week in Newport in a day. Must have been some pretty strong shit

Oh, a Danish Mackem! Slikke min kærlighedspumpe.

Fuck off.

One of my mam’s uncles played alongside Bob Paisley for Bishop Auckland, winning the Amateur FA Cup in 1939 with him. His last words were “ Tell essembee -Fulwell End 1972, I was there!” * one of the above statements may be “alternative facts, covfefe”.

I've got him on linkedin, I might ask him in a public post if he's stopped sucking cocks for baccy yet.

1: Who did you tell? 2: What did you tell them? 3: Why wouldn’t they ( whoever they are), have it ( whatever it is)? 4: You know what happens when you don’t take your tablets.

Over the moon we won the League cup last night, first trophy since 1969, great news.

3, 2, 1 ... EDWARDS?

The thing with the Netflix show is that it was done with the makers totally onside, Sunderland fans themselves and hoping to highlight the club and big it up on what was meant to be a promotion year. Imagine if they wanted to do a hatchet job on them? Could've just used CCTV and phoned it in if that was the case.