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A friend of mine went into hospital yesterday with corona-virus they put him on one of the new Dyson ventilators last night and today he is really picking up very well

Was there no explanation in your e-mail?

Went to the supermarket this morning and watched a guy purchase a piñata, some paella and a sombrero. I thought to myself... Hispanic buying.

See how you fucking like it on your streets.

Raab doesn't realise how important his mouth is for accessing his stomach.

Public Service Announcement

I'm fixin to get spangled this evening. Your mam, dad and sister are picking me up shortly. Your dad reckons he knows a good dealer, so hopes are high.

Little bit of goods news lads regarding the son in laws ex. Apparently she responded well to dialysis this afternoon. Her body oxygen levels are back up to 65% whatever that means. She's still in a medical induced coma but hopefully there's a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel.

The Mail were treacherous cunts in WW2 and nothing has changed, a ruly despicable paper poisoning everything godd about this country. Johnson has just proved he's not practising what he's preaching if anything. Not surprising considering he boasted about shaking hands with coronavirus patients.

It'll be loosely based on repeating/familiar phrases taken from your search history

this is mint. For some reason I picture them like on Ferris Bueller, out in the convertible, fucking shades on, while you're sat at home like Principal Ed Rooney.

The fuckin Uber Tory bitch across the road who has blanked every neighbourly gesture in the last 3 years can go fuck herself with her self appointed leader-style pot & pan combo alongside her wet fart/strawboater wearing fuckin drip of a son Looks like Gerry the recruitment consultant who's job has disappeared in the last month has done the same to his missus Liz... she was present for last week's hypocrite-fest but conspicuous by her absence tonight Everyone else in the street is a cunt too..as you can all tell am fuckin pissing lock down, it's making me really happy

Maybe that's exactly what the anti-gun activists need to be doing, the Stoneman Douglas kids and the Sandy Hook parents and all. Fill up the media just outright telling these people their dead relatives are fake. See if the penny drops.

So after paying someone to tell you that you can cook stuff and freeze it you’re now paying for an app that can count to 100? Tempted to give it a go

Alright Stevie. Did you catch the Arsenal game the other day?

Alabama- she’s probably her own sister. Yank mackems.

You ever tried playing snooker without a ball?

The Morrisons on Shields Road?

Look out for the Blue Nissan Note beeping outside your window homie.

I mean, what’s not to like?!

He should be able to access the government's furlough scheme.

Arms like Pickford, pockets of a clown

It closed in 2007.

NOW?!

It has received the comment it deserves:

Alan Shoulder article..much better than my crap joke https://blythspirit.wordpress.com/2020/03/27/the-alan-shoulder-story/

Always nice to hear the dulcet tones of Andy Gray lambasting the linesman for 15 minutes that Peacock’s goal wasn’t over the line until eventually conceding that it was.

Colombia if cocaine is a food

I’ve lived down here for nigh on 20 years and, while I love the place and will probably always live here, I agree with you. Whenever I come back up, I’m always struck by the warmth of people in Newcastle to strangers (even little things like people calling you pet).

I was working through the bands in alphabetical order

It feels like it’s Coldplay

FYP

Managed to split the back of my head on a door this morning. I was in Lewisham hospital A&E getting glued back together again when the news came through of Johnson having coronavirus. The staff there were delighted that he had it! I hate the cunt as much as the next man, but the NHS staff seem to despise him. Still, it gave them a welcome boost in what must be terrible times for them. At least he’s doing something for their morale.

Fuck off

Really couldn’t agree more with PaddockLad and Ayatollah Hermione. The absolute rank hypocrisy of these people would beggar belief were it not for the fact that a large majority of this country have proven to be cunts time and time again over the past three years. They’re irredeemable as far as I’m concerned and I’m almost certain that about 99% of them would still vote conservative tomorrow.

OK why is this a thing now?

We're generous, not mental.

You weren’t joking when you said you’d be back to despair today.

I’ve always thought this was an incredible photo.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is London