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I‘m actually really not arsed about the transfer window. I started supporting Newcastle about 30 years ago and for the most part it was worrying about the next season and if things were going to be worse. Last season was the most amazing experience for me as a football fan taking in mind I celebrated two world cups and one European Championship with Germany (I was not really into 1980). I am pretty sure something will happen until the end of August. We might miss some targets but will end up with other players Eddie will make to be great. Instead of worrying about signing or missing out of some players I do rather wait on who we will play next season and what opportunities might arise to get a ticket. I am more pissed off with some random foreign fans getting to take part in adverts considering the pain I suffered for three decades. All will be well. Or not. I will still die having seen Newcastle lifting a cup. I am happy, I enjoy supporting Newcastle. Something that was difficult for quite a long time.

Nice tribute to County Durham.

Keyth: "Alright marras, I'm Keyth, FTM?" Everyone: "Alright Keyth, FTM" Keyth: "I like to make unbelievable yet still somehow dull stories up about the mags anaarl..... God it feyls grayat getting it off me chest." Chair Marra: "dinna worry about it Keyth, wa'al bullshitters ere at massive lads fans and massive tales anonymous, like."

'wewww, what wa mwain fwing is, wor weddie is not happwie' 'MAM! I've towld yow, when the wed light is on, imw wecording, but was, can I pwease have alwphabettie spwagetthi'

Lass with ADHD: "We decided against the move in the end, my ADHD has calmed down a bit and it is a bit of an upheaval what with...." Door opens: "How do? Wykiki, here! I say what I like and I like what I say! ADHD did I hear you say? Sounds like a shit rock tribute band, luv!" Lass with ADHD: [phones partner] "What time's the next flight, darling?"

Mental to me that some randoms from shite leagues are more exciting to some people than proven premier league players. We have seen what Howe does with run of the mill premier league players (like Burn) he turns them into international players. Are all of our first 11 internationals now? Apart from Murphy who should be. We have the best manager in the league at developing players. He has targets that he thinks he can develop. We should give him the grace the buy the players he wants and develop them.

So, my great uncle (who I've talked about on here before) who was missing/KIA in 1915 will be laid to rest, with full military honours etc. In September on the 110th anniversary of the battle/his death. I will be there. Just been on the phone with BBC Scotland who are looking at covering the discovery, identification and ceremony as a documentary and they want to film with me and the artefacts (letters) we have. Yikes Toonpack on TV 😂

Had a lump in my tit. Had to go to the breast cancer clinic to get it checked out. Thankfully it was nothing and the doctor reckoned it's probably off eating too much fake protein in shakes/bars/yoghurts. The experience at the clinic was probably the most emasculating of my life though. A young lass had to squeeze my pec (moob) into a breast scanner, then I had to sit in a waiting room full of elderly women for 2 hours staring at a wall and getting side eyed, before the doctor asked to examine my balls in case I had a lump there too. Drove myself home after and didn't even put the radio on. Just sat in silence feeling violated. FML

Reminds him of the time he made that story up 👍🏻

They must've misplaced mine and TBD's invite?

You can’t knock his choice of best man.

Watching that Olivia Rodridgo lass with my now teenage daughter. "At least she's easy on the eye" I say. "Paedo" says she. FML I feel old.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. PSR is the VAR of the transfer window. In principle its a good idea, and if it was executed well (and fairly) it would make things better, but as it is it doesn't and any chat around it is diabolically boring.

Was that you, I was sitting in the garden with our lass and commented how we very rarely hear crickets around here.

You've been away too long, it's wykiki, the happy-go-lucky Yurkshure Mag.

Gemmill on his 'break' after his first experience of his medicinal cannabis.

Who's this druggie cunt ?

We all know Keith from the SMB is thick as pigshit and boring as fuck to boot. Perhaps he has some emotional intelligence after hearing about the tragic death of Diego Jota? Nah, of course not, time for another boring as fuck driving anecdote from the brain donor.

what exactly do you have against the generic small time football blather thread?

Stores it in his knees

I'm having to make a fucking piss diary this week btw, before going in to the hospital on Friday to piss into a special toilet to see how fast I can do it. It's a total waste of time as well cos this is for the poor cunts who are up in the night and who drink 1 litre and piss it out in 10 x 100ml trips to the bogs. I'm not remotely experiencing those symptoms but apparently a urology referral at 49 comes with this hurdle. Anyway it's nice to have to write down the volume of every drink you have for a few days and then piss into a jug before tipping it into the toilet. Keeps you honest.

Knopfler went to school in Gosforth, which was historically in County Durham.

The singing Detective is actually being remade for the 2020s....

Criticism of Israel does not equal antisemitism. Chanting death of the IDF isn’t antisemitism. Chanting death to the IDF is however most likely a crime in this country but not antisemitic. It is probably wrong and I did think of the likes of Gloom’s conscripted family when I read about it. Bibi seems to liken any criticism of the Israeli government’s actions to antisemitism and it couldn’t be further from the truth but it has worked for him. The likes of Bob Vylan and Kneecap know they aren’t making a difference by making a stand but it keeps it in the public eye when the UK government appears to be doing fuck all about it.

Should've made the lass white for extra gammon kick off motivation.

absolutely fuck all happening in here again. so, I give you this masterpiece, getting on for 50 year old, blew me away when I was kid and responsible for an ongoing love of electronic music...

Boris Yeltsin, Arthur Askey, Mike Neville and Mikhail Gorbachev joining Wraith is quite the line up

Mate you can still go and watch your beloved Villa Women's team. They've just got a new daddy now.

I feel like Mbuemo was, but as soon as he publicly said he wanted man u and 250k a week we just went "fuck that" and moved on. Given our wage structure I am perfectly happy with that, as much as I rate him.

I had ball cancer the first time so half of Salford and Manchester have seen my cock and balls during inspections. I really didn’t enjoy a doctor bringing in two what looked to me teenage girls, who were apparently trainee doctors. If they have to learn I suppose it best be on the smallest cock in town so they can get used to it.

For those outside the region struggling to understand, “Geordie boys taking the piss. We fucking are ⚫️⚪️” translates as “ Dear Eddie Bring me back please”.

It's one of those Dutch auctions you used to see on those shopping channels, wor MBS is lowering the price by 500k every 30 mins

then he goes out for a jog...

"Tak that, Magimus Saudeyus Ponteylandinium!..... Oh, wait, sorry marra, thought ya warra mag! Do yay hate the mags anaarrl? FTM."

THERES NO TRANSFERS TO TALK ABOUT WTF DO YOU WANT TO FUCKING TALK ABOUT???!! 😫😫😫😫

that is a total fucking stupid, pointless lie. What a set of dickheads they are, they're like their own support group. They're all lying, they all know they're lying, but it's making them feel better about thenselves so no one's prepared to produce the pin and burst the bubble. Proper sad sacks.

FYP

This bollocks makes it seem like they've sold themselves short at £200m. We were sold for £305m 4 years ago and it took Ashley a while to get a buyer. We're a club with over 100 years of history, one of the highest attendances in the country and huge international recognition - not to go all SMB but I've had people call out/comment positively on a Newcastle shirt in New York, Hawaii, South Africa, Italy, Sydney, Melbourne (and call out and comment negatively in London). I'm genuinely happy that women's football support, viewership and participation has had massive increases in the last 5 years but the reality is that it will always be a vastly inferior product as far as the game play is concerned. These sort of stunts to fund the main event only serve to make a mockery of the progress that has been made.

So that's Delap and Pedro they've conceivably done us for in just one month... Think an admin might as well close the "Gazumped y'fuckas!!" thread. Sorry @Howmanheyman but it's for the best.. Had to meet (suffer?) some of the now semi permanent Mrs PL's work colleagues last night. There was a kid there called Kelvin who is a 27 year old Nigerian Arsenal supporter. I told him beware Chelsea for the title next season and he laughed in my face. I also told him that Arteta was too mentally weak to win a league title. That fuckin shut him up

This Year 8 school band playing the stage at the Hunstanton summer festival at the weekend introduced their cover of Summer of '69 with the words "here's one your parents or grandparents might know". Cheeky fuckers.

“Whacked an Italian gadjey in the fayace with a plackey sword.” - Great way to explain to hospital staff why you got stabbed with an actual sword.