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"Why don't we have threads dissing U12 girls teams winning the league against boys, Reg?" "Because why would we? We're a football board having a laugh, taking the piss, talking about football. Leave it to RTG for that shite " "Don't oppress me! It's my right as a man to discuss U12 girls teams!" "I'm not oppressing you, but you're not an MLF?" "I want to be one." "What?!" "I want to be an MLF and talk shite about U12 girls teams." "But why? You're a Mag on a NUFC forum, we don't do that shite?" "Why don't we agree that CT, as a man from boldon, has the right to talk shite about U12 girls especially as he's dangerously close to Sunderland even though he's a Mag on a NUFC forum." "But what's the point?" "I want to invest in crypto currency as well!"

So, had confirmation from MoD that DNA comparison is positive, we've found my Great Uncle Gordon, remains recovery site shown below in red circle (now a major hospital). Next will be his interment service, full military honours etc. Likely next year 110 years to the day after he was killed.

Orkward situation

Difficult to see how Man Utd, Ratcliffe, Brailsford or, indeed, Ashworth could’ve handled this more clumsily. It’ll be amusing to see them try and negotiate transfers etc like this. Also, Ashworth could have knackered his career. Man Utd can’t afford to wait around for ever, I can’t see us budging and it’ll be difficult for other clubs to trust him to hang around long enough to see tangible results. Other clubs will no doubt show an interest but there won’t be many opportunities like the one he had here if Man Utd don’t get him

Was having a fairly shit morning, logged in here, read this and had my first proper laugh of the day. Cheers mate

Marrowfat 🤝 Marra fat

An southern Englishman is living in Ireland and whenever he hears about 'the little people' and other such tales he politely smiles but grimaces a bit inside. One day he sees an advert in his local paper offering a talking dog for sale, price €20 to a good home. The Englishman shakes his head then sees the address is just around the corner. Smiling to himself he thinks he'll pop along as he's not busy and call the seller's bluff. He knocks on the door and asks if this is the right address for the talking dog. Irishman: "Yes it certainly is, sir, he's in the backyard." The Irishman takes him to a pokey backyard with a small kennel and a bored looking dog just lying there. The Englishman smiles and addresses the dog.... Englishman: "So you must be the talking dog I've heard about?" Straight away the dog looks up and says, "Aye, that's me, mate.' Flabbergasted the man looks around for trick microphones but doesn't see any. The Irishman says he'll leave him for ten minutes so he can chat privately with the dog. Englishman: "How the hell did you learn to talk?" The dog replies, "Well, I've no idea really, I must've just picked it up as a pup listening to my owners. Englishman: "What did your owners think?" Dog: "Well they were a bit unsure what to do so took me to the Garda for their opinion. The Garda offered to take me off their hands and look after and train me so I ended up working at Dublin airport, eavesdropping on potential terrorists and drug smugglers and letting the garda know." Englishman: "That's amazing!" Dog: "One day my handler said that the CIA had heard about me and paid the Garda four million dollars for my services so I ended up in the whitehouse and Camp David just moping around like a regular dog but eavesdropping on any foreign diplomats like the Russians. Obviously they taught me the language so I spoke fluent russian as well as English. They'd let their guard down and chat about their plans and intentions and I'd tell my CIA handler at a daily debrief." Englishman: "Wow, that's amazing!" Dog: "It was a pretty good life I have to say, they bought me an amazing condo kennel with a little pool outside, I ended up hooking up with a showbusiness dog who was playing lassie and I had the best grub you could eat." Englishman: "So what are you doing here?" Dog: "Ah, you know how it is, I got a bit bored and homesick so after a couple of years of good service they arranged for me to come back home. The man who lives here picked me up at the Dublin cat and dog shelter." At that moment the man came back in the yard and the Englishman can't help himself.. Englishman: "Good god, man! Why on earth are you selling a dog like this for only €20?!" The Irishman replies, "Sure he's a lying cunt, he never did any of that shit."

How the feck are the forums going to work for us dyslexics if there are no more replys?

Ratcliffe massively overpaid for a minority share in the club but is baulking at pay £15m for the man he sees as integral to the success of that purchase? How the fuck did this man become a billionaire? There's a touch of the Mike Ashleys about him.

Saw someone on Twitter refer to this match as the White Lives Matter derby

Arafat.

Wahey!

The lass that had an affair with David Beckham and wanked off a pig? They hand out degrees for any old shite these days.

Either you’re a MASSIVE liar or you’ve had a ‘holiday’ to Turkey in the last ten years.

Wor lass came home tonight. 'have you heard of the overlap? Gary Neville does an interview with Gordon. It's superb. He's so cute' Wtt!!!!

Imagine calling someone a whopper on the internet and paying for twitter at the same time

He’ll double up as conditioning coach

I just use our nick name, Poocamel.

This is like two threads in one. I, personally, am enjoying the Carol Vorderman chat much more than the VAR chat. Can the mods please employ some technical wizardry to split this into two threads so us middle aged desperados know which thread to spend our time in?

I'm well into Vorders these days. She looks like a walking sex doll and basically sounds like she's up for owt. Plus she fucking hates the Tories.

If we're going with 30 seconds, they absolutely have to play the Countdown music in the ground. Fans singing along and a brand new moment of celebration on the "boooooo" sound as the clock runs out.

I think when he first lay down he was 100% confident he could do the worm.

Rents imagination as he's about to go out for a drive in his new, top of the range car..... "Stick it in my arse, rents babe, I love your new, top of the range car and it's making me horny for you."

I'm worries that this thread is a way of @thebrokendoll coming out as a Mackem. I am a bit thrown by this. Quick question to find out: Who founded Athletic Bilbao?

I say this every time I get a Whitley delivery run. If anyone is wondering why it’s impossible to get hold of a plumber, it’s because every fucking one of them is working in Whitley fucking Bay installing bathrooms for cunts. I delivered a bathroom set yesterday to some mid-30s couple. The lad opened the boxes to check for damages, and came upon what looked like a lampshade made of bottle green glass. “ What’s this?” he says to Mrs. “ The sink” He looked at me, and we had one of those silent conversation with eyebrows Him- “ Ffs!” Me - “ You let her pick without looking at it didn’t you?” Him- “Aye… baaaastard!” Me - “ Curb your enthusiasm gif”

Top of the range Audi A3, black edition. Tinted glass, black logos, sporty. I joked to the dealer it was a drug dealer car. Then I remembered he was black. He laughed, I am officially David Brent.

I didn't spot the quoted post and thought for a brief moment you were talking about Steven Taylor...

Darras Hall, Paris France PS1 4NU

Isak’s burglar ITT 👆

And television fans. So we're only allowed to see a goal once now?

Chuffed as nuts. Didn’t apply for a ticket. Then fancied going after the spurs match so put the feelers out and got lucky. Then Monday I got a text reminding me that it’s Orbital in Southampton tomorrow night and not being in the first flush of youth as they say I flogged the ticket on and so I won’t be getting in at stupid o’clock tomorrow morning after paying to watch that parcel of fucking shit 😀 Thoughts and prayers with agent @Dr Gloom though 🙏🏻😔 hope he’s not regretting his life choices tonight

if there's any skeletons in your closet on here, trust ewerk will find them

They reckon this Mitchell's mentor was the legendary Irish coach, Tim O'Tei.

Get them telt Howmanscargillheyman

Grim, but at least it's given us some fine GIF content

They’d have to get Exile in to play in the centre of the park.

It's his first day back from holiday you gaffer cunt.