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He will be safe enough if he draws a picket line and stays behind it

They'll have a fit when they see what Man U think of them:

Young Ms. Fist went to this. She’s been recovering from a serious illness and this was one of her milestones so she was over the moon to be able to go. I asked her what the highlight of the gig was and she said it was afterwards in the Metro station. They were on the platform, the place was packed with everyone singing when it suddenly went quiet, and a strong tang of stale sweat and dirty kegs drifted through the place. She turned around and saw a pathway open up through the crowd, and two lads in sunderland tops making their way confidently towards the platform, handing out slices of Pocket Cheeyse as they went. Everyone gratefully received their slice , until they got to two lads stood next to my daughter. She said they were both 7ft tall and over twenty stone with muscles on their fingers. No sooner had they refused The Cheeyse when, KABLAAM, KAPOOOW! The pair of them were one-punched by the givers of The Cheeyse- sparked out cold. Everyone looked at their feet, and the atmosphere was briefly uncertain, but then some international students, 5 Japanese lasses, reverently approached the two lads and requested Cheeyse. As soon as they got their slices, they started hopping up and down, clapping their hands and squeaking, ” We hate the mags anarl, Mallas!” Our two heroes got on their train, and as it pulled away and headed south, Ms. Fist thought she heard an Elvis song come over the station PA, but she’s not sure because at that very same moment EVERY SINGLE PERSON in that station broke out in spontaneous applause and cheering as our heroes left the station. I’ve just snuck in to check on her now, and she’s slept with The Slice under her pillow, and has replaced her poster of Mohammed bin Salman Al Saud with this one of Eric Gates Marras, I’ve never been so proud of her. True story

Devastating incident at East Boldon station this morning

It's our 25th wedding anniversary today, we walked past a fairly new restaurant in town a good while ago now which we've never been in before and Mrs HMHM said it smelled lovely so I thought I'd treat her and tonight I'm taking her past it again for another whiff of it.

Everyone say "Thank you Ant" because he's fucking sorted this in an evening

Nice tribute to County Durham.

Rightyo, now that the outage stuff is sorted it is time to do some proper maintenance and upgrades on this place. I'm timing this to coincide with the usual annual bits n pieces like site renewal and security certificates but a full board software upgrade hasn't happened since 2017 or so so this is a biggie. Since I am unsure how long this work will take I am not going to put a full timeline on it, it might be a day might be the whole week. Most regular users are now on our backup Discord, which will be TT for the time we're down doing this work. If you aren't yet please DM myself or one of the other mods/admins and we will provide the link for you. Any questions chuck them in here or DM me. Cheers!

We'll not be seeing him for a while. On the plus side he looked well for 81.

When we finally do make a proper signing the forum will just keep deleting any posts about it, to the point where no one knows what to believe anymore. Limbo’s telly. Is it the same amount of data that gets removed each deletion or is it growing, blob-like (not overtime), and will ultimately remove all of Alex’s half a million posts? And all the images less than 399.36kb? Either way, I hope we’ve got some deals ready to go because we will be fucked next season without at least 4 new seniors. Hopefully some of the youth start breaking through or what’s the point of them? Endless supply of youthful but conveniently inept wingmen for JT? This post will self-destruct before any cunt reads it.

Mental to me that some randoms from shite leagues are more exciting to some people than proven premier league players. We have seen what Howe does with run of the mill premier league players (like Burn) he turns them into international players. Are all of our first 11 internationals now? Apart from Murphy who should be. We have the best manager in the league at developing players. He has targets that he thinks he can develop. We should give him the grace the buy the players he wants and develop them.

You joined in October 2023

I thought everyone knew he was. He’s even got his own pool.

Talking of mental gymnastics, well, just mental really.....

Wor lass had an interview today. She asked me to help her prepare. I asked ChatGPT to come up with a list of likely questions in that field. The interviewers apparently did the same. The questions they asked were pretty much word for word. Maybe I WILL get a BJ this year after all!

So, my great uncle (who I've talked about on here before) who was missing/KIA in 1915 will be laid to rest, with full military honours etc. In September on the 110th anniversary of the battle/his death. I will be there. Just been on the phone with BBC Scotland who are looking at covering the discovery, identification and ceremony as a documentary and they want to film with me and the artefacts (letters) we have. Yikes Toonpack on TV 😂

Had a lump in my tit. Had to go to the breast cancer clinic to get it checked out. Thankfully it was nothing and the doctor reckoned it's probably off eating too much fake protein in shakes/bars/yoghurts. The experience at the clinic was probably the most emasculating of my life though. A young lass had to squeeze my pec (moob) into a breast scanner, then I had to sit in a waiting room full of elderly women for 2 hours staring at a wall and getting side eyed, before the doctor asked to examine my balls in case I had a lump there too. Drove myself home after and didn't even put the radio on. Just sat in silence feeling violated. FML

Reminds him of the time he made that story up 👍🏻

Gemmill nailed the Hot Mitch Summer.

'Those filthy mags always wearing their shirts'. Meanwhile, on Wearside: I'm not sure what's classier, the football top or his sister's tits spilling out of her dress.

chill motherfuckers (thats me away into the ether again)

Cancer: World-first 'Trojan horse' therapy to be given on NHS - BBC News Reading stuff like this warms the heart. Multiple Myeloma is what my Mam was diagnosed with 30 years ago. Treatment was nil, you were straight into palliative care and making whatever time you have left as comfortable as they could. So little was known of it back then that even palliative care was very much trial and error and patients were basically told not to break one of their brittle bones else it'd be game over. Mam lasted 18 months before she stumbled trying to pick something up and fell into the patio doors in our living room breaking both her arms. The advances in the past 28 years have been nothing short of remarkable. If just one family doesn't need to go through the helpless agony we did then I'm a happy man.

Have we signed anyone in this version of the space time continuum?

You're not in work now. There's no pay rise for licking the bossman's hoop.

That last screenshot They’re a fanbase who spent a 10 page thread inventing stories about how every football fan in London bent over backwards to fellate them last week but we’re the needy ones

Bit harsh. I was only giving my opinion.

Still looks more mobile than Callum currently does.

Watching that Olivia Rodridgo lass with my now teenage daughter. "At least she's easy on the eye" I say. "Paedo" says she. FML I feel old.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. PSR is the VAR of the transfer window. In principle its a good idea, and if it was executed well (and fairly) it would make things better, but as it is it doesn't and any chat around it is diabolically boring.

Was that you, I was sitting in the garden with our lass and commented how we very rarely hear crickets around here.

You've been away too long, it's wykiki, the happy-go-lucky Yurkshure Mag.

Who's this druggie cunt ?

imagine the cunts who failed the interview when keith landed the job as a moderator over there man.

People cross the road when they see my dog. All it wants to do is shag legs. The most terrifying part is she's a girl doing it... That and she's 8 stone... Anyway, I agree.

We haven't negotiated for a cunt since he got here so I agree. It'll probably speed them up a bit.

A mate of minw had an email from his Ops director today and it had this in;

Alexander the Great, only 33, RIP

Well yesterday I finished my first 'week' at the new gaff. I say 'week' as I do four day weeks. I couldn't have asked for a better start tbh. They seem a cracking bunch. The atmosphere in the office is bob on, relaxed but everyone is grafting and helping each other out. Its the first time I have been a manger of someone with more industry experience than me and I was a little nervous about that. However, the lad is absolutely spot on. We did an internal workshop on my second day about the business. The gaffer was leading it but we all got involved. He then asked for someone to stand up and give a small review on the discussion we just had. I thought fuck it I'll do it. I want to push myself out of my comfort zone in this role. Anyways, I did and was bricking it but soon calmed down Anyways, weekend in the Lakes with the lads now and onwards and upwards.

**** REBREAKING NEWS **** THE RED HOT MITCH SUMMER HAS COMMENCED We've signed Ivan Cordoba, no wait, Antonio Cordero from Spanish GIANTS, Madrid, Malaga. BIG MITCH had this to say: "This is what I call fit for purpose. An abundance of potential. Eddie can look forward to news of him coming to training in 12 months time, before he's onsold to some one else for a small profit. To be honest it's patronising that they're making me comment on this small time signing when they've already tapped me on the shoulder and told everyone that I wasn't cutting it, but I suppose I have to at least keep pretending so they have to keep paying me."

“Jobe” off to Dortmund apparently. Didn’t fancy the relegation battle