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Isak’s burglar ITT 👆

An southern Englishman is living in Ireland and whenever he hears about 'the little people' and other such tales he politely smiles but grimaces a bit inside. One day he sees an advert in his local paper offering a talking dog for sale, price €20 to a good home. The Englishman shakes his head then sees the address is just around the corner. Smiling to himself he thinks he'll pop along as he's not busy and call the seller's bluff. He knocks on the door and asks if this is the right address for the talking dog. Irishman: "Yes it certainly is, sir, he's in the backyard." The Irishman takes him to a pokey backyard with a small kennel and a bored looking dog just lying there. The Englishman smiles and addresses the dog.... Englishman: "So you must be the talking dog I've heard about?" Straight away the dog looks up and says, "Aye, that's me, mate.' Flabbergasted the man looks around for trick microphones but doesn't see any. The Irishman says he'll leave him for ten minutes so he can chat privately with the dog. Englishman: "How the hell did you learn to talk?" The dog replies, "Well, I've no idea really, I must've just picked it up as a pup listening to my owners. Englishman: "What did your owners think?" Dog: "Well they were a bit unsure what to do so took me to the Garda for their opinion. The Garda offered to take me off their hands and look after and train me so I ended up working at Dublin airport, eavesdropping on potential terrorists and drug smugglers and letting the garda know." Englishman: "That's amazing!" Dog: "One day my handler said that the CIA had heard about me and paid the Garda four million dollars for my services so I ended up in the whitehouse and Camp David just moping around like a regular dog but eavesdropping on any foreign diplomats like the Russians. Obviously they taught me the language so I spoke fluent russian as well as English. They'd let their guard down and chat about their plans and intentions and I'd tell my CIA handler at a daily debrief." Englishman: "Wow, that's amazing!" Dog: "It was a pretty good life I have to say, they bought me an amazing condo kennel with a little pool outside, I ended up hooking up with a showbusiness dog who was playing lassie and I had the best grub you could eat." Englishman: "So what are you doing here?" Dog: "Ah, you know how it is, I got a bit bored and homesick so after a couple of years of good service they arranged for me to come back home. The man who lives here picked me up at the Dublin cat and dog shelter." At that moment the man came back in the yard and the Englishman can't help himself.. Englishman: "Good god, man! Why on earth are you selling a dog like this for only €20?!" The Irishman replies, "Sure he's a lying cunt, he never did any of that shit."

How the feck are the forums going to work for us dyslexics if there are no more replys?

And television fans. So we're only allowed to see a goal once now?

I didn't spot the quoted post and thought for a brief moment you were talking about Steven Taylor...

Thinking of applying to labour for a job if that's the competition?

KRYP "Steve, calm down son, calm down. If you need some patter for an introduction video ah'll do it for you, consider it a favour for all those 'raring to go/do it for the fans/bleed black and white/aah hate sunlin, me like' pieces we did together back in the day. Divvent fret though, aa'll not mention you getting sparked by Andy Carroll. Lol."

They’re so bereft of ideas they’re basically continuing to pursue a culture war they’ve already lost. They’ve got nothing to offer to virtually anyone anymore. Couple that with the uncaring arrogance (I don’t think Sunak gives a fuck about the long term effects on the Tory party even) and you’ve got a zombie government slouching towards their inevitable autumn Armageddon. It’s morbidly fascinating in a way

Yeah but nobody wants to fuck an accountant.

Horteeculterel oasiseseses will never not make me laugh til I nearly spew my rim.

Paraphrasing here but, in their review of The Pig and Whistle, The Burglar’s Dog described the place as being full of lads with same £5 haircut as Steven Taylor. And with the same look on their face Taylor had when he realised the ref hadn’t bought his attempt to conceal the handball in the infamous home game v Villa.

Darras Hall, Paris France PS1 4NU

He looks like he’s in the middle of shitting his keks

Aye, the pontificating fucking billionaire. And I know money doesn't guarantee your mental health, but it guarantees your security and removes A LOT of the worry and stress which normal people are under, which goes a long way towards it. He's just a spenky, clueless, uncaring little cunt.

Trying to deflect from blaming younger people for the "sick note culture" only to then state that the increase in sickness post-pandemic is down to younger people is classic Sunak. At least there's a job for him on the history channel when his political career is completely obliterated. He says he wants to tackle the problem of mental health in younger people - but isn't prepared to look at the fact that the outlook for younger people becomes bleaker by the day. Can't afford to buy a house - because the barriers are too high, can't afford to rent a house - because private landlords are charging a fucking fortune, which has only gotten worse due to his predecessor and her suicidal budget increasing interest rates. The retirement age will be closer to 75 for them at the rate things are going and when they retire there probably won't be a state pension anymore. The price of everything is monumental - couples now need two good jobs just to survive.

The fandom is way ahead of you on that one, trust me

Where the fuck were you yesterday with this? I had a whole weekend planned safe in the knowledge that there would be replays in the FA cup next season. Weekend's ruined now.

Two hikers are out in the forest when they come across what appears to be a small sinkhole. They're standing looking down it but it must be pretty deep cos they can't even see the bottom. One of the blokes says "here, I'll get to the bottom of this" and he goes and picks up this chunky rock, carries it over, and drops it down the sinkhole. They stand listening for it to hit the bottom, but as they're stood there, out of nowhere something comes flying through the bushes, absolutely pegging it, bursts between the two of them, and dives down into the sinkhole. The blokes look at each other in stunned silence with wtf looks on their faces. "Wtf was that?!" "I don't know. Some sort of animal, I think but it was moving so fast." While they're stood discussing it, a bloke comes out of the bushes and says "Here lads, have either of you seen a goat wandering about?" "A goat? Nah I don't think so." "Nah mate, haven't seen any goats." "It's weird as fuck. He can't have got far, I tied him to a big rock... "

"Steven Taylor had a debut to forget for Portland Timbers as he scored an own goal after just nine minutes before he was subbed off as his new side pulled off an incredible comeback without him."

Sex involving 4 people is a foursome Sex involving 3 people is a threesome Is that why Quiff thought he was handsome?

Makes me laugh thinking the young lass who used to post on here getting wound up by Gemmill taking the piss out of female drivers is probably definitely going to impact this country more than the rest of the board combined.

Grim, but at least it's given us some fine GIF content

lets run it back

Of the many, many things that pissed me off about Brexit, how it will impact the younger generations was the one that pissed ( and still pisses) me off the most. I had the time of my life working my way around the Alps and the Med, without having to even think about visas or work permits or any of that shit, and barely had to use my passport as I zipped back and forth over multiple borders. My kids won’t have that, unless someone has the balls to admit how badly we fucked up, and put it right.

I've only been to a Turkish barber once. On the subject of fire, am I imagining it or did he set fire to my ear hair?

Newcastle legend Steven Taylor, said no one. Ever

https://archive.ph/79m4N Decent article from The Athletic on the contract saga

Similar thing happened with my mam, she had a supporting letter from a high ranking professor at the RVI who'd been treating her for years (years she should have been on PIP/disability benefits and didn't want to 'cause problems'). She was knocked back, due to a lack of sufficient evidence supporting her claim, which was laughable on it's own. She had to have a phone conversation with someone from DWP when we appealed, and a phone call with my mam is all it would take any rational person to realise she is pretty severely disabled. This still wasn't enough apparently, and when the tribunal date was announced they relented and awarded her PIP. Probably because they couldn't be arsed attending, and they knew they'd lose. Luckily, my mam and dad weren't broke so the wait didn't ruin them financially, but most people aren't that fortunate.

They must know that they’re fucking toast, they must. Which makes shit like that, and small boats, and Rwanda, etc etc all the more jaw droppingly malicious, as they know they’ve got little hope of it lasting, if they get in to law at all. Take reducing disability benefits- without even going into the rights or wrongs of reducing it, let’s say they force it through just before they get booted to fuck, and people in receipt of that benefit suffer a cut in 3-4payments until the GE. Even if Labour reinstated the previous level of payment, on their first day in power, that’ll already be too late for 10s of thousands of people who will now be in debt because of the cut. It’s just so unfathomably evil and unnecessary, especially when you look at how much public money was given to their pals during the pandemic to fail to produce products or services. They truly are fucking scum.

🙂

Just checked and can confirm that thanks to Meenz the Bridget gif is available to use on toontastic.

Aye, now we have to buy mini-fridges for the living room because god forbid we go to the kitchen for a fresh can. That extra £100m better be coming back to us armchair fans to invest in the proper kit.

"Newcastle United legend" .. written by Steven Taylor

Four men on the titanic when it hits the iceberg. Waiter: We need to get to the lifeboats. Teacher: We need to save the kids. Lawyer: Fuck those kids. Priest: Do you think we have time?

They’d have to get Exile in to play in the centre of the park.

I heard he was sacked for not giving some lad the exact same haircut every single one of the 3,500 Turkish barbers in Newcastle does, regardless of what the punter asks for.

He's a man apart. I mean Truss has utterly fucked the entire British Isles and everyone in it

Black don’t crack.

At least she got a photo with the demon headmaster and the turtle from finding nemo.