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bobbyshinton

Smeeagain

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A wealthy playboy met a beautiful young girl in an exclusive lounge.

 

He took her up to his lavish apartment where he soon discovered she quite sophisticated, well groomed and apparently very intelligent.

 

Hoping to impress her, he began showing her his collection of expensive paintings, first editions of famous authors and offered her a glass of wine.

 

He asked her if she preferred Port or Sherry and she said, "Oh, Sherry by all means.

 

 

To me it is the nectar of the gods, Just looking at it in a crystal-clear decanter fills me with a glorious sense of anticipation.

 

 

 

When the stopper is removed and the delicate liquid is poured into my glass, I inhale the enchanting aroma and I'm lifted on the wings of ecstasy.

 

It seems as though I'm about to drink a magic potion and my whole being begins to glow.

 

The sounds of a thousand violins being softly played fills my ears and I am transported into another world."

 

"On the other hand,

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Port makes me fart." :lol:

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Chinese Customs

 

A Chinese man decides to move to Australia after 50 years of living in Shanghai.

He buys a small piece of land near to Mt Isa.

 

A few days after moving in the friendly Aussie neighbour decides to go across and welcome the new guy to the region, so he goes next door, but on his way up the drive-way, he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard chasing about 10 hens.

 

Not wanting to interrupt these 'Chinese customs', he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.

 

The next day, he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees the Chinese man urinate into a glass and then drink it.

Not wanting to interrupt another 'Chinese custom' he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.

 

A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the Chinese man leading a cow down the drive-way, pause, and then put his head next to the cow's bum.

 

The Aussie bloke can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man and says 'Jeez Mate, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighbour hood, and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass, and drinking it and then today you have your head so close to that cow's bum, it could just about shit on you.'

 

The Chinese man is very taken back and says 'Sorry sir, you do not understand; these aren't

Chinese customs I am performing, but Australian customs.'

 

'What do you mean mate' says the Aussie, 'Those aren't Australian customs.'

 

'Yes they are', replied the Chinese man, 'for you see, in order for me to become a true Australian,

 

I must chase chicks, drink piss, and listen to bull-shit '

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