The Fish

I conditionally formatted the most pertinent columns, dicksplash!

Was having a look at our squad. I'd sell/release; Jonjo Shelvey - ageing and doesn't fit EH's style Jamaal Lascelles - not PL standard any more (if he ever was) Jamal Lewis - we can do better plus question marks over injury/mentality. Whichever lead him to miss a season. Isaac Hayden - was a good servant but not the level we're aiming for Karl Darlow - was a good servant but not the level we're aiming for Ciaran Clark - terrrrrrible Matt Ritchie - was a good servant but not the level we're aiming for Dwight Gayle - not PL standard any more (if he ever was) Mark Gillespie - terrrrrrrible Keep for the squad unless a good offer comes in; Joe Willock - shown flashes of the player he was tail end of the previous season, but only flashes Miguel Almirón - works hard, seems a nice kid I've still some hope he can kick on Sean Longstaff - home grown, but really should only be used as a squad player Chris Wood - a needs must signing, but now those needs can be met by someone better Ryan Fraser - unlucy with injury, but on his day still dangerous. Martin Dubravka - fairly solid 'keeper who should only be replaced by someone special Jacob Murphy - likeable, works hard, fast and has some technique. Plus, he's a fan Emil Krafth - the improvement can't be ignored, but he's not good enough long term. Javier Manquillo - versatile, good pro, limited Paul Dummett - home grown, experienced, versatile And have for the first team unless a ridiculous offer comes in; Allan Saint-Maximin - most creative player, can change a game in an instant, not too old to better himself Bruno Guimarães - a literal deity Callum Wilson - deadly when fit, too often injured Kieran Trippier - model pro, high quality, natural leader Joelinton - unbelievable renaissance, can improve further too Fabian Schär - improved hugely under Howe, 2nd best CB at the club Dan Burn - Best CB at the club, local lad, fucking huge.

All right. Compared him to last seasons Wilson plus Zapata and Toney of this season. slightly below Wilson in terms of xG, slightly above him in terms of xA. Does more defensively than the other 3 (1.21 tackles p90, c18 pressures p90 with a 23% success rate). Has more dribbles per 90 and a better success rate too (60%). Does lose the ball more than the others and doesn't carry the ball into the box as often as Zapata and Wilson. Appears decent in the air, winning more aerial duels than the other three, but could that be because he tends to be competing with fullbacks, rather than centre backs? I dunno.

Dunno if I changed to fit in, or if I improvise, adapt, overcome.

Thoughts and prayers.

Tell you what, I'll dust my roots off, shine 'em up real nice, turn 'em sideways and stick them STRAIGHT UP, YOUR CANDY ASS. If ya suhmellllelelelelelelelell, what the ... etc. Anyway, I heard a rumour that you've starting complaining to "our kid" that your Mrs "mithers" you about dropping the "barmcakes" in the "ginnel".

Very similar here; my Dad is Glaswegian and Mam is Cockney, left Newcastle 2002 for Leeds Uni (no Geordies), then London where it was really only Matt who had a Geordie accent (Soz Meenz) , now Cheshire (0 Geordies). People round here say they can detect a 'Northern' accent, but only when I say certain words can they narrow it down. Only comes out when I've had a few/I've been talking to mates from home/I'm reading my little lad a bedtime story*. *all heroes of the story are Geordies, antagonists are either posh or Scouse.

Paqueta is an upgrade on ASM, 100%

Stats in isolation are as useful as an old scout's view in isolation.

We are his research

If you're worried about your knees, wouldn't swimming be a better shout?

I misspoke (misstyped?) It's Paqueta that's created more chances for shots and goals, and it's Paqueta that's played the final ball for shots that stand a slightly better chance of going in.

Dunno, stats don't show the whole picture. e.g. Henderson is a young 'keeper and hasn't played a lot. Sheffield United were anomalous and Man Utd are a basket case and have been for a while. But going off FBRef, he's not an upgrade, certainly not worth £40m!

Up there is "Expected Assists" per90 which Paqueta 'wins' (0.2 v ASM's 0.17) Below is the shot and goal creating actions per 90. In that Paqueta regard does create more shot and goal opportunities, but as per above, ASM's been creating better quality final balls.