Monkeys Fist 50776 Posted November 6, 2010 Share Posted November 6, 2010 The law's an ass, I can't even refer to my own child as my 'disabled son'. Seems the correct term is 'daughter'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shackbleep 0 Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 Ordered a chinese last night, the chink turned up at my door and said "£20 prease". I smiled and said "Can you tell me the name of Jordan's blind son?" He said "Harfey Pwice". I replied "Cheers Ting Tong, here's your tenner now fuck off" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shackbleep 0 Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 Zookeeper says to Paddy: "The Gorilla is in heat & we need someone to have sex with it. Would you consider shagging it for £500?" Paddy replies: "I will on 3 conditions: 1. I'm not kissing it 2. My family must never know about this 3. I'll need a couple of weeks to get the cash together!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shackbleep 0 Posted November 10, 2010 Share Posted November 10, 2010 After both suffering depression for a while, me and the wife decided to commit suicide today, but strangely enough once she killed herself I started to feel a lot better so had second thoughts.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meenzer 18050 Posted November 12, 2010 Share Posted November 12, 2010 The 300th rule of OCD club is... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 50776 Posted November 12, 2010 Share Posted November 12, 2010 The 300th rule of OCD club is... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 43974 Posted November 13, 2010 Share Posted November 13, 2010 Just got back from the Doctors, he said I was a paranoid racist! Well, he never actually said it, but that's what the black cunt was thinking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Besty 4 Posted November 13, 2010 Share Posted November 13, 2010 Just got back from the Doctors, he said I was a paranoid racist! Well, he never actually said it, but that's what the black cunt was thinking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welsh Magpie 0 Posted November 14, 2010 Share Posted November 14, 2010 My daughter had a birthday party where everyone played charades. It would seem that holding my cock and wanking furiously, while staring at my daughter's friends, is not the best way to impersonate Gary Glitter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paddy 17 Posted November 18, 2010 Share Posted November 18, 2010 Kate Middleton, the only person to squeeze into princess di's ring since dodi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welsh Magpie 0 Posted November 20, 2010 Share Posted November 20, 2010 These little African kids want £2 a month...but the way I see it they are not starving, look at the facts: 1. Bloated pot bellies 2. White dust around the mouth 3. Covered in flies 4. Gagging for a glass of water Greedy little cunts have spent all MY money on fucking Doughnuts! (I'm only joking, I never sent any money) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 50776 Posted November 21, 2010 Share Posted November 21, 2010 BREAKING NEWS: Sir. Bob Geldof has just confirmed that a fundraising concert for Ireland will be held in Ethiopia at Christmas! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 50776 Posted November 21, 2010 Share Posted November 21, 2010 I watched intently as the 'other' woman slowly peeled off my girlfriend's panties, and stared closely as she delicately inserted her fingers into my girlfriends pussy. Naturally, I undid my trousers and started wanking. Midwives eh!.. Got no fucking sense of humour at all!. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christmas Tree 6705 Posted November 21, 2010 Share Posted November 21, 2010 I watched intently as the 'other' woman slowly peeled off my girlfriend's panties, and stared closely as she delicately inserted her fingers into my girlfriends pussy. Naturally, I undid my trousers and started wanking. Midwives eh!.. Got no fucking sense of humour at all!. Very Good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Kenneth Noisewater 0 Posted November 22, 2010 Share Posted November 22, 2010 I appeared in court today accused of raping a ginger woman. The judge said to me "Do you understand that what you did was disgusting and very wrong?" I replied "Yes your honour, but in my defence it was dark and she was wearing a hat" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 50776 Posted November 23, 2010 Share Posted November 23, 2010 A bad simile is like a lighthouse with no muesli. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 50776 Posted November 23, 2010 Share Posted November 23, 2010 Children in need didn't make as much money this year... 'SHOCK HORROR'! I couldn't give a fuck about my own kids,never mind some other fucker's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welsh Magpie 0 Posted November 24, 2010 Share Posted November 24, 2010 Got my first prostate exam done today. Went pretty well to be honest. Still trying to figure out how the doctor managed to keep both his hands on my shoulders while doing the exam though... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 50776 Posted November 24, 2010 Share Posted November 24, 2010 For Sale: 1 x "Welcome Home Safe and Sound" banner. Contact: New Zealand Coal Board. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 50776 Posted November 24, 2010 Share Posted November 24, 2010 My neighbour's daughter usually comes round every Saturday about 8pm. I clearly need to double the bitch's rohypnol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welsh Magpie 0 Posted November 25, 2010 Share Posted November 25, 2010 I love my job as an impressionist, my blind daughter thinks she has sucked off David Beckham, Johnny Depp and Russell Brand just to name a few. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shackbleep 0 Posted November 26, 2010 Share Posted November 26, 2010 I got sacked from my job at the Salvation Army soup kitchen last night. All I said was "Hurry up yer fuckers, some of us have got homes to go to"... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welsh Magpie 0 Posted November 26, 2010 Share Posted November 26, 2010 Being wanked off and cooking are pretty similar. Plenty of people will do it for you but your nan does it best Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 50776 Posted November 26, 2010 Share Posted November 26, 2010 I got sacked from my job at the Salvation Army soup kitchen last night. All I said was "Hurry up yer fuckers, some of us have got homes to go to"... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 50776 Posted November 26, 2010 Share Posted November 26, 2010 Roses are red Violets are blue I've got Autism Bus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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