k4t0

He is making up excuses as a last attempt at seeing if there is anything there. All the shite he is spouting about the family business etc is to make her feel sorry for him. Its working, they have been together before and it didnt work out. So they have already been there. Best course of action, tell her its making you feel uncomfortable and you would prefer it if she would put some distance between them before you move in together, seeing as he is an ex and your her current bf. now, she will either shit it and run a mile from him or get defensive, if she gets defensive then I would say she is having doubts and likes the attention from him as she is unsure about moving in and settling down. sorted

just grab the emergency shit mash stick, no house is a safe haven without one

we'll see what happens, i might want to pack me jim jams with charmin like

im gonna try that on friday with a jumbo fried rice and bottle of whisky ill post the results when I come back out of a shit induced coma

You think that was painful? Surely this must have been painful.. http://deltahouse.f2s.com/pics/Funny/large%20shit!.jpg 114441[/snapback] Im still wary at the severe lack of paper down that bog 114467[/snapback] I think he would have just teased the gaping rim with a bog brush then fucked off tbh

elwick road, you get a fortune cookie with each meal. Mine said a surprise is coming your way not fucking arf right that

Hartlepudlian as well... good man 114450[/snapback] yep, avoid new seasons jumbo fried rice, unless you like shitting your back

I would take that idea and market it as the shit yourself to death diet plan the stars would love it "you look thin opra" "thanks, Im shitting water ten times a day and its working wonders" "did you just fart" *shuffles off

You think that was painful? Surely this must have been painful.. http://deltahouse.f2s.com/pics/Funny/large%20shit!.jpg 114441[/snapback] ow

I have rang them about some odd stuff in my time... Imagine the answer to the questions can you walk ? sort of are you in danger ? Only if it comes back for seconds Where are you now ? Lying on the floor nursing tattered arse with a bag of peas

Thanks for laughing at my pain I was a little worried but couldnt quite bring myself to phone nhs direct and ask if a shite powerful enough to come back out of a shitter was hazardous to your health........or innards.

Last weekend me mate come round and we decided to have a takeaway before hitting the pub and town centre. Anyway, I went for the jumbo fried rice....bad mistake. went out and got well and truly smashed till 7 am and collapsed on my bed. 11 am I was woken up by pains in my stomach, ffuck me did it hurt. I realised that a high pressure sudden release type shite was imminent and as i ran to the shitter I felt somethi9ng trickle down my leg.... I whupped me duds off and landed on the pot at exactly the right moment, me arsehole exploded, and I dont mean i had a shit, i really think me arsehole explded, the noise was fucking terrifying and the shit was like dead rat chunks in gravy, nicely watered down. I realised it was a bad un because when it was over i leaned forward to take a second and realised my arse had dribbled watery shite down my leg as I ran. So I gave meself a minute, wiped me arse, and what felt like halfway up me back before getting up slowly and turning to view the masterpiece. No Joke, the shit had gone up the wall to the left of the shitter and was running down. I thought fuck it and went back to bed. I went for a piss later that night and when I lifted the lid realised that the underneath of it was covered in watery shite with the odd chunk added in for texture, the wall had a few nice lines running down it that i had to wipe off. to this day I cant remember a shite as nasty in my life, everytime my farts get hot I get the fear, and the toilet whimpers as I walk in.

the question is.... Will she wear a hat and do poo shows for an extra 20 quid ?? And surely she would have more luck putting the letters into the shops in boro, poor lass would be inundated by now. Anyone else reckon shes fucking the newsagent for advertising rights?

100 quid eh hmmmm Ask her how much a nosh is, or a quickie

no owen in that list ???

polly pocket got off her fat arse and went to rim a market

ive done it and my eyes are still in ?

I remember in my secondary someone shat on the lid, there was a queue outside the shitters of people waiting to see a shit on a lid. Priceless.

I was once playing golf and was hungover as fuck, by the third hole my gut started to feel a bit fucked, like when you know you need a shite but can manage to back the fucker up for as long as needs be. Anyway as time went on my guts started feeling worse, by the 6th i was starting to feel bloated as fuck, and taking golf swings wasnt helping, my walking slowed down as I lumbered behind letting out the odd silent fart in an effort to release the build up. Didnt work, it got to the point that I could hardly breathe, I started burping and the poo beeps were like one long endless fart, looking back, I was fucked. I must have backed it up that much me shit had rebelled and was after coming out of my mouth, fuck me it was bad. Anyway, near the thirteenth hole I saw a hedge with a ditch behind it, I told the two lads I was playing with to keep a lookout cause I was going to shit me mouth if I didnt deal with it, hopped over the hedge and into the ditch pulled my pants down so fast that my arse nearly came off with them. As soon as I went to crouch my arsehole exploded letting rip with the most gutwrenching high speed sloppy shite I have ever performed, it was that bad my legs wobbled and nearly went. It stopped, I was shaken. Then the fucker came back for seconds, same again, it could hardly be called shit, shitwater yes, shit, no. It was horrible, like a river of shit running through the grass, my mates were pissing themselves so I got up, pulled th etrousers back on and went to rejoin th egame, I got to the hedge when the urge came again, ran down, dropped the pants and whoosh, like a fucking train came the longest and strongest shite i have the unfortunate memory of performing, judging by the speed and time it took Id say about two foot long. That was a nasty fucker, it meant business, and it stung. I rejoined the course but was forced to play behind them as I had shit on th ebottom of my trousers and it must have stunk, I was too shook up to notice, felt fucking marvellous afterwards though, well, until the piles kicked in. going to the chemist for prep h isnt a nice experience, "do you want the suppositories or the cream love" those words will haunt me forever. "erm, its for me nana, I dunno" Never been back to the course.

The suspect is a Medium pepperoni pizza... 78240[/snapback] Wearing a tomato skin

78224[/snapback] That was actually meant to be qouting so's story with the dog, funny mistake though I guess.

I was once sat down waiting for a turd to commence when I realised that the bathroom door was unlocked, I heard my sister coming up the stairs so lurched up to lock the door. This must have provided the adequate pressure and gave the right amount of purchase because a pebble shit was fired from my arse with a pop sound, I turned round and it had spliced itself onto the shitter lid with such force it had amost splintered in two and ricoched off the lid. Near scrape with death tbh

Heres another great one... Pissed one night me and my mate went back to my house to continue drinking and meet some laydees. Outside of my house he would only go and notice the car of the bloke that sacked him 3 months previously! Anyway, needing a turd he decided it would be clever to remove a hubcap from the car and lay a footlong in it, great idea I thought, off you pop, I'll be in the flat. So I woke the next morning to see the biggest trail of mashed shit going up the road I have ever seen in my life, nowt cuts like a hubcap spinning at speed. His car must have stank!

Ive raced motocross bikes in my time, I remember one time when I was practising and felt the urge to crimp off a length, I had just past the pit lane so had to do one lap tensed up. I aproached a jump had to let loose of the grip I had on my shite, the head popped out as I left the jump and i caught it with a swift clench of the cheeks in mid air, Irelaxed again upon landing, had a tankslapper and whacked my arse off the seat, which had the lovely effect of smashing the turd back up my shitter. Not pleasant, but it took a while before thta shite came back for seconds, I think i must have concussed it