The Fish
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Posts
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Posts posted by The Fish
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3 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said:
These three lads are walking along the beach when they find an old oil lamp in the sand. One of them picks it up, rubs it for a laugh , and, bugger me, out pops a Genie.
It says.
"You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes."The first lad, Davey, immediately blurts out,
"I want a billion pounds."
POOF, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact £1,000,000,000,003.50p
The second lad, Johnny, thinks for a bit, then says,
"I want to be the richest man alive." POOF, he's holding papers showing his net worth is now well over £300 billion.
The third lad, Mick, thinks even longer about his wish, then says,
"I want my left arm to rotate clockwise for the rest of my life."
POOF, his arm starts rotating.
The Genie tells them it's time for their second wish.
Davey says: "I want to be married to the most beautiful woman on earth."POOF, Salma Hayek wraps herself around his arm. ( the jammy twat).
Johnny says, "I want to be good-looking and charismatic, so I can have every girl I want."
POOF, his looks change, and Salma immediately starts flirting with him.Mick says, "I want my right arm to rotate counter-clockwise until I die."
POOF, now both his arms are rotating, in opposite directions.
The genie tells them to think very carefully about their third wish.
Davey, after a while, says, "I never want to become sick or injured, I want to stay healthy until I die."
POOF, his complexion improves, his acne is gone, and his knees don't bother him anymore.
Johnny says, "I never want to grow old. I want to stay 29 forever."
POOF, he looks younger already.
Mick smiles triumphantly and says, "My last wish is for my head to nod back and forth."
POOF, he's now nodding his head and still flailing his arms around.
The genie wishes them good luck, disappears, and the men soon go their separate ways.
Many years later, they meet again and chat about how things have been going.
Davey is ecstatic:
"I've invested the money and multiplied it many times over, so me and my family will be among the richest of the rich pretty much forever. My wife Salma is a freak in the sheets, and I've never had so much as a cold in all these years."
Johnny smiles and says, "Well, I built charities worldwide with a fraction of my wealth, I'm still the richest cunt alive and also revered for my good deeds. I haven't aged a day since we last met, and yes, Salma is pretty wild in bed."
Mick walks in, flailing his arms around and nodding his head.
"Lads, I think I fucked up."
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4 hours ago, Alex said:
Just looked it up it was in Asia Minor, then Greek now in modern Turkey. The name means: the city of him who loves his brother. So that’s why they call Phillie the city of brotherly love. I never knew that. Btw, I read a theory a little while back that the Oracle of Delphi was just some poor lass off her tits from inhaling volcanic gases.
Been listening to the greek Myths and Heroes stuff by Stephen Fry. That stuff still fascinates me, same as the Norse pantheon.
Probably why I like the Superhero stuff now, they're just modern Gods and Demigods.
Back to the mackens, they're closer to Huddersfield in 22nd than they are Norwich in 6th.
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1 hour ago, Alex said:
Philadelphia is a little village near Sunderland isn’t it? Although the original Philadelphia (what the American one is named after) was Greek in antiquity iirc
Etymologically sounds about right. Phileo - love. Delphia - whatever that means. Wonder if it's owt to do with Delphi?
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3 hours ago, Alex said:
I did think about that one near Shiremoor but even that comparison doesn’t work
Didn't realise it was named after New York, New York. Apparently there was another village called Philadelphia as well.
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26 minutes ago, Alex said:
They’re so hung up on boundaries. Particularly ones which are 50 years or more out of date*
Also have to love how a photo taken in Newcastle, showing the river the city sits by and the town on the other side of the river (part of the same urban conurbation) is the same as taking a photo of Sunderland and claiming it’s New York
*Gateshead falling within the historical county of Durham. Meaning it belongs to Sunderland, despite being overwhelmingly black and white for as long as anyone can remember.
Maybe he means the New York near the Silverlink?
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1 hour ago, Holden McGroin said:
I don’t know why you’d watch him live. Or anyone else for that matter. He is obviously comedy gold when they get beat but that’s more laughing at him.
Apparently his real name is Brent di Cesare from Nottingham - who now lives in Solihull.
I guess it's not too dissimilar to us watching Soccer Saturday? But for the bellend generation?
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That's 5pts dropped from winning positions, in added time, in the last 4 days.
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On 03/04/2024 at 17:10, Alex said:
It's pretty funny that as soon as sufficient clubs run foul of the rules by spending too much, the rules are set to change. Kind of makes a mockery of the whole thing.
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On 31/03/2024 at 17:18, Gemmill said:9 hours ago, RobElliott said:
Pleased City won as it keeps the pressure on the bin dippers, hopefully they can pip them to the post. Looked like they were going to draw for a while tonight.
I loathe this Liverpool team.
Got to say Arsenal have the toughest run in, so it looks like it's up to Man City to stop the Scouse circle jerk.
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11 minutes ago, Alex said:
I do agree Mainoo is probably overhyped purely because he’s playing for them. Perhaps a case of shining by being decent in a not particularly well functioning team / midfield as well. I have been impressed when I’ve seen him though. I thought he did well v Liverpool in the cup game
Agreed, we should sign him.
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19 minutes ago, Gemmill said:
Truer Geordie.
Truther Geordie
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3 hours ago, Howmanheyman said:
Correct, I'd add one player..... Januzaj.
Macheda?(Sp?)
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Isak in the middle, Gordon on the right, Barnes on the left. Stick with the same midfield through necessity. Hall at LB, stick with the rest through necessity.
The only big change I'd make is bringing on kids instead of Ritchie or Dummett. In a season where our intensity has been exhausted, the very least you can expect from kids is an over abundance of enthusiasm.
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3 hours ago, PaddockLad said:
Yeah Tino is in there Dave. It’s not Asprilla btw . You can have Tripps, seeing as it’s you 🤗Yeah my point was our first and second choice right backs are ahead of Paolo Dummetto in the left back pecking order.
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3 minutes ago, PaddockLad said:
Burn
Targett
Tino
Hall
Dummet is 5th choice left back. He’s also an highly experienced player who should fuckin well know better.
Suffice to say no one knows who the 5th choice left back for Liverpool, Man City or Arsenal is. Or for any other fuckin PL team
Livramento and Trippier would probably be picked at LB before Dummett if they were fit and not needed on the right.
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Here's West Ham for comparison
And Brighton
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1 minute ago, wykikitoon said:
I agree with the progress. It's just been difficult to see due to the injuries. Howe has had to change his approach too.
Even then it's not like Plan A isn't a really good plan. The issue is that the squad is so decimated that a reliable Plan B is tricky to come by.
Its not just the first XI that are getting injured it's their replacements and the replacement's replacement. So we haven't had a settled squad to select or cater a tactic for.
Wilson and Isak have both missed great chunks of the season. So have 2/3 of our first choice midfielders; Joelinton and Tonali. Then their replacements too.
Look at the fucking state of that man.
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17 minutes ago, wykikitoon said:
All this talk of Howe's head rolling. I would love to have seen what Jose and Co would have done with the injuries we have had.
It's just lazy pundits and knee-jerk fans. Last season we benefited from our new players and new style surprising so many of the opposition, other teams having poor seasons and a good amount of luck with injuries. So our position of 4th was definitely better than expected. In many other seasons we'd have finished around 6th or 7th
This time we've had to try and compete in four competitions, without a great deal of new players available and the worst injury crisis I've ever seen. Without the injuries I'd expect us to finish around 5th or 6th.
We're still making progress in my opinion.
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To even be in with a fucking shout of Europe given our luck this season, is remarkable.
2 domestic Quarter Finals, about 30 minutes off getting out of the group of Death, 8th in the league, 3rd best attack in the league. All with an injury list that would have most teams in the relegation conversation.
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Another game where, if we had any real options from the bench we win it comfortably.
Wilson, Almiron, Joelinton, Trippier, Targett, Livramento, Miley. Any one of those as choice and I think we win that comfortably.
Dummett fucked us, but he was just slipping a softy into the gaper left by the John Holmes-endowed Injury List.
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Just now, ewerk said:
Hopefully he’s still full of shit.
Plus ça change
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12 hours ago, Howay said: So KLD isn’t a brilliant owner now? Hard to keep up with those dozy cunts.
Aye the mackems have this very weird view of themselves as a bunch of loyal to a fault super fans. Meanwhile basically every player that leaves them leaves on horrible terms and rarely want anything to do with the place again (see Bent after they racially abused his mother, Grabban, etc). They hound out every single manager aside from fucking Sam Allardyce
, which is why they average about 2 managers a season. They legitimately fell out with the prior owners due to the toxic atmosphere of the stadium, the documentary showed those owners trying to drown them out with Ibiza tunes, while the inside stadium images of the doc showed them assaulting the cameraman. They also hounded and abused Short despite the bloke bankrolling them for his entire ownership, then digging them out a financial hole when he did leave.
Inherently classy.
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6 hours ago, Holden McGroin said:
Would we have won if none of the original 11 didn’t get injured in the first place?Yeah if Lascelles doesn't go off forcing a reshuffle, we probably don't concede their equaliser or second.
Barnes would likely have replaced Isak or Gordon at some point.
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if you heard a joke today, post it
in General Chat
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