The Fish

January spend thus far. Newcastle - 29m Jiangsu Suning 26.3m Bundesliga - 26m La Liga - 22m Ligue 1 - 5m

Pretyy sure that's how we've got Shelvey & Townsend, it probably was how we got Cabaye et al

Would a sophisticated cock wear a monocle?

I'd be genuinely surprised if CT had the attention span for the Fast Show.

You are and he has. I'd still start Mitrovic ahead of Cisse though.

Your charm and spelling has won me over.

fuck 'em

If you were aware of Newcastle United before Sports Direct? What the? Who the fuck would not have known about Newcastle United before Sports Direct got involved?

Rumours that we're chasing Lucas Orban a left back from Valencia on loan http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-3422406/Newcastle-talks-Valencia-loan-deal-left-Lucas-Orban.html and people are tweeting that the Sun say we're after Kieran Gibbs, but I can't find owt. Be happy with the latter, don't know anything about the former. Think Orban is more likely than Gibbs though.

I may have missed a word or two from that. We'd not have the ball enough to provide decent service to your two strikers though? Against lesser sides who're want to pack the midfield we'd be overrun and our best attacking threat (Gini) would be chasing shadows instead of scoring goals.

I've seen loads of clubs have take-over bids fail, pretty sure I'm yet to see one actually go through.

You've no defensive midfielder in the centre. Shelvey might have a tackle in him, but he's no Tiote and he should be starting our attacks, not stopping theirs. Drop Cisse for Saivet/Colback and I think that's our best line up. Elliott Janmaat Colo* Mbemba Dummett* Saivet/Colback* Sissoko Shelvey Townsend Wijnaldum Mitrovic* We really have better than those I've starred though.

Course it is, but then there's not much point in anything really, is there?

I'm not quite sure if you're serious or not?

Nope. They put empty milk bottles back in the fridge.

Millwall fans are, to a man, odious shits. Obviously.

Really? I can't get bothered about Aldershot or Reading or Bournemouth. Obviously it only takes one fixture to change all that. Stevenage and Peterborough can fucking rot.

No, this is awful.

Cool. I wouldn't bother with engaging if I were you then

Oh there's plenty of cunts in the league; Majority of Arsenal fans shout loudly but say nothing. Aston Villa are moaning miserable cunts, still trading on glories that are more distant in memory than our own. Never forgive them for 08/09 B'mouth are fine, no real opinion on them Chelsea fans are just thousands of "Loadsa Money" characters Palace are jumped up shithawks who need relegating as soon as possible. Everton fans are bitter because they're defined by their bigger neighbour. I don't begrudge Leicester their day in the sun Liverpool remain the grief miners they've ever been, but at least Klopp is making their team less contemptible Man City fans are, on the whole, canny. The ones I've spoken with any way. Tend to be fully aware they've won the lottery, but are enjoying it while it lasts. Man Utd joyful to see them suffer. Bad football, roundly criticised by the media and ex-pros. They've needed a wake-up call and this might be it. I've a couple of Norwich fans as mates, so I might be biased, but they're a bit deluded. Never heard of them losing to a better side yet, just bad officiating/luck. Southampton fans are inoffensive on the whole. Spurs are generally smug cunts, smugger than normal this year, but justifiably so imo Stoke are Averys mackems are defined by their bigger neighbour & hate that but once you drill through that they're actually all right. Swansea are similar to Norwich fans. Might be the remoteness? I see Watford fans the same as Leicester, let them have their day in the sun. WBA are the same as Stoke and Norwich. Little club mentality. West Ham are bullish arseholes for the first 30min, then they're all right.

Well then lets pray the reports that we're ready to "move quickly" onto other targets isn't bullshit.

Done.

I'm getting frustrated with what people know about Newcastle, and the same inaccuracies and outright lies that are spoken of as fact. But I guess it's only fair if we as a fan base don't really know what's going on with other clubs, isn't it? As I understand it: Arsenal - fans are frustrated that Wenger sticks to a transfer policy that seems to focus on diminutive creative midfielders, only rarely addressing the very real weaknesses in their squad. They've never replaced Vieira despite having both the pull and the funds to attract some of the biggest players on the planet to North London. They are also baffled by the inevitable loss of form that ends their title run. Right now they're more confident because they appear to be winning ugly (as they did against us) and doing so without their 1st choice 11 on the pitch. Aston Villa - miserable boring cunts finally getting what their poor support deserves. That aside I think they share our contempt for the ownership. Lerner has spent a fuck ton, but they're paying the price for a lack of investment and a lack of planning I think they're happy enough with Garde and feel the state of play is due to what's come before rather than anything he's doing/not doing. Bournemouth - happy with their lot in life, cursing injuries to key players and expensive purchases. Probably want more spent but I'm guessing they'll be more confident about survival now, than they were in August. Chelsea - Blame the players for their situation, and a legacy of buying the wrong personalities. Angry about the number of promising kids they've seen fail to cement a place & so fuck off somewhere else, only to end up becoming the kind of player that Chelsea could probably have done with. Crystal Palace - Probably delighted with the spotlight that Pardew brought with him, they'd not have got anything like the attention if they'd given the job (and had the season they're having) under Garde or his ilk. I reckon there's rumbling of discontent given their recent and dramatic loss of form. Everton - Love the football when they win, moan like stuck whores when they lose. Hate Kenwright because he's not wealthier. Leicester - forearms the size of Morocco. Probably want to buy some players from a strata that had previously been unavailable to them. Liverpool - Can't believe the FA, the Media and Man Utd still get away with such a blatant conspiracy, one that's kept from their rightful title for 20 odd years. Also nobody is paying attention to the Hillsborough tragedy. Man City - Reckon they're happy with their owner, their manager and most of their players. Probably baffled as to why they can't regularly win without Kompany given the amount they've spent on CBs. Probably going to be a few kids called Sergio. Man Utd - It's the Owners fault. It's LVGs fault. It's the players fault. It's too much so now I reckon they're happy with their owner, their manager and most of their players. Probably baffled as to why they can't regularly win without Kompany given the amount they've spent on CBs. Probably going to be a few kids called Sergio. Norwich - Confident of staying up, think more needs to be spent, happy with Alex Neil. Bet they're unhappy with a perceived bias in favour of bigger clubs. Southampton - Guessing they're unhappy with the apparent stutter that this season has been. They'll still be hoping for 7th or so, delighted with Austin, but want shot of Wanyama. Spurs - Best team they've had in ages, good young players, good local lad leading the line, professional manager who isn't an embarrassment, owners that aren't afraid to spend. Probably pretty smug right now. Stoke - Similar to Spurs, happy with the team, manager and owner, but I guarantee they've a chip on their shoulder about bigger clubs. sunderland - Easy. Blame the owner, blame the players, split on the manager, confident they'll survive, don't care as long as they beat us again. Watford - probably glad all the attention is going on Palace and Leicester. Flores is doing brilliantly at what was a basket case club prior to promotion. I'd expect them to have been worried about relegation but will now be hoping for top half finish. West Brom - No idea. Probably revelling in Villa's travails, likely to want more spent, likely think they deserve more credit, likely aren't enjoying the football under Pulis. West Ham - Club folk hero leading them to glory with footballers who play the "West Ham" way in Payet and Lanzini et al? I'd guess their forearms are the size of Morocco too. (Yes work is very quiet, no this didn't take me long and I wrote it because I was bored)

Ah, sorry, misinterpreted your post. He'll definitely have people after him, but it's certainly worth putting a bid in. Can't hurt, can it? Quite a lot of Chelsea fans don't seem to rate Cahill at all and if he's looking for a move perhaps he's not rated by the manager either?

But again, if this club was run properly, we'd take him on loan until the end of the season because the short term outlay (wages & possible loan fee) is more than returned by his quality and experience. To be honest it should be covered by this